


Tale of the Stranger: Second Chances

by tatteredspider



Series: How I met Selena Hawke [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, M/M, Multi, Sexual Content, eventual wedding, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-13 00:05:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 53,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2129505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatteredspider/pseuds/tatteredspider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part two in the life of Selena, a displaced soul from Earth, using her knowledge and abilities to change the outcome of the game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

     “God damned fucking ELVES!” I screamed, not for the first time that day. Three weeks. Three weeks of hiding in his mansion, or disappearing on some mercenary job or another, without a word of explanation as to why except 'Gonn Hom'.

     And now, between my depressive sulks and bouts of furniture destroying anger, no one really wanted much to do with me except Anders. Even Garrett kept his distance, panicking and leaving the room as soon as possible when he saw that hard little glint in my eye. And I couldn't decide if Anders stayed because he was acting as my therapist or just enjoyed my berating Fenris.

     He talked me down when I got really angry and held me tightly when I cried. And I cried a lot. I hadn't cry this much when my marriage dissolved. I was so fucked.

     Today we were in my room, hanging out for want of a better term, while I went about the task of rearranging my furniture. I needed a change, even if all I could do was change the flow in my space. And what happens? I find his damned whetstone under the bed! And this stupid fucking whetstone had me tearing up again.

     “Anders? What the hell's wrong with me?”

     “Oh, Sweetheart,” he cooed, sliding next to me on the edge of the bed and wrapping me in his arms, “there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If Garrett had disappeared on me like this I'd have burned the house down around his ears. We can still do that, you know. Sneak over there, set fire to his bed? Come on! It'll be fun!”

     I chuckled- a watery, slobbery sound, but still a chuckle- which had Anders smiling. “There's my girl! You know, with the weather getting nicer, we could always go bandit hunting.”

     “You hate bandit hunting,” I protested, looking at him in surprise. “You always complain about trying to get blood out of your feathers.”

     “Yeah, but you need the stress release and I'm not sure how offering the other kind would sit right now.”

     A sudden wave of guilt washed over me. “Anders? Do you or Garrett resent the fact that I basically never...consummated our relationship? Or that after Fenris started sleeping in my bed I stopped going to sleep with Hawke?”

     “No, love,” he answered softly, reaching out to stroke my hair. “Disappointed maybe, but certainly not resent. Both of us understand how it can be. Not to mention that I don't think the elf would really share well, do you?”

     “Well, it's not like the bastard is here to complain, now is he?” I said angrily, clenching a fist into Anders' shirt.

     “No, sweetheart. I don't think any of us would be happy with a revenge fuck. It's just not healthy.” he replied, handing me a handkerchief from his belt pouch.

     I blew my nose rather noisily. “Maybe not, but it would be fun.”

     “Oh yes! It's loads of fun to make love to a slobbery mess,”he laughed, pulling me in tighter across the shoulders.

     “Thanks a lot, asshole,” I grumbled with a smile. “You're quite welcome. Now, do you want to go bandit hunting or not?”

                              **********************************

 

     For the first time in three weeks I was sitting down to dinner with the rest of the family. Up til now, Bodahn or Orana had been bringing up my meals, since I was sure that someone would say the wrong thing and I would bite their head off. Possibly literally.

     Anders smile as I walked into the kitchen, pulling out the chair next to him, while Garrett actually looked a little scared. Was I really such a tyrant that this behemoth of a warrior was afraid of little old me? Guess so, seeing as he was practically cowering in his chair. Leandra, true to fashion, stood up with a smile and embraced me, then lead me to the chair with wedding plans tripping off her lips.

     I let her ramble and seated myself at the table, Orana bringing me a plate filled with roast pheasant breast and spicy roasted potatoes. If I was happy about nothing else, I was so glad to have saved the pretty little elf, if only for her cooking. I looked over at Hawke and blew him a kiss, making him smile. I'd have to make up for my horrible behaviours later. Maybe with a bachelor party. A big one. At the Blooming Rose.

     Leandra's wedding plans seemed to wind down as she finished her dinner, much to my relief. At least this time she wasn't asking me for my opinion. Most women had their weddings planned out when they were little girls. This would be my second and I still didn't know what I was doing. Having Leandra handle it was a God send. I suck at shit like that, I'm telling you. Soon enough it was just me and the boys and we decided to move into the study with a big bottle of Starkhaven Malt. It was quickly becoming my second favourite drink, and my favourite way to forget my own name, let alone _his_.

     Of course, the boys weren't about to let me off that easily.

     I was lying across the sofa, my head in Garrett's lap while Anders sat in Leandra's favourite wing chair, picking up and fighting with the sad little scarf he was still trying to knit. Hawke's fingers were drifting through my hair, scraping gently at my scalp while he stared into the hearth fire. It felt so nice, so comforting. The only thing that could have made it better was the damnable elf doing it.

     I guess my sigh was a little more audible than I had thought, because Anders suddenly put aside his work and Garrett's fingers froze along my scalp.

     “All right, Hawke said reluctantly. “Just talk to us. Rant, rave, do whatever it is you need to do. But, please, just talk to us. Anders and I want nothing more than to help.”

     I looked up, meeting his eye. He looked so sad, so concerned that it just about broke my heart all over again. _Damn me for an idiot. The boys don't deserve all the crap I've been putting them through. Not even for that stupid, bloody elf. Snap out of it!_

     I smiled for him. We both knew it was forced, but he seemed to appreciate that I tried. He leaned down and placed a long, sweet kiss on my brow. I breathed deep taking in the scent that was Garrett. The sharp scent of steel and the linseed oil that he used for his scabbard. And something deeper, woodsy, like a forest full of pine. Eyes closing, I reached out and scratched my fingers through his short cropped beard. Oh, how I had missed that.

     “Come sleep with us tonight?” Garrett whispered softly. “Not for sex or anything, although if you decided to jump my bones I won't say no, but just for sleep. I've missed you and so has Anders. “

     I turned my head to see the healer nodding in agreement. “Please, love? I think it would be good. Not just for us, but for you too. A reminder that we're hear if you should need us.”

     I looked past Anders into the fire burning brightly behind him. It was true, I had missed being in Hawke's giant bed with them. Once Fenris had come into the house over the winter, I had spent my nights with no one but him. And since his sudden departure, I had been wallowing in my own anger and grief, not fit company for anyone. Maybe it was time to return to what I had held dear before the elf. Without looking to the boys, I nodded and stood, moving out of the study and out to the hall.

     There was the briefest of pauses before I heard them follow, slowly, saying nothing. Probably in fear that I'd change my mind as soon as someone opened their mouth. I bypassed my own room and went straight to Hawke's, making a bee line for the small chest where I knew he kept his older shirts. They fit like a long night shirt for me, so they were kept for those times that I had slept in the big bed.

     With no word to them, not even a quick glance, I crawled into the middle of the giant bed and curled into the blankets, burying my face into the soft down pillows. I listened as the boys stripped and readied themselves for bed, then climbed into the bed with me. Garrett lay on his back and pulled me in close to his side, returning to stroking my hair, while Anders spooned himself against my back, nuzzling into my neck.

     It was so loving, so comforting, that maybe, just for a little while, I could forget about damned stupid elves.


	2. Chapter 2

     It was the thrashing that woke me. I started to roll and an elbow caught me in the forehead before I could get all the way around. _Shit!_ I thought in a grumble, rubbing at the spot until I saw what was going on. Anders was twitching, grimacing in his sleep, moaning and sweating.

     I leaned up and reached out to brush his brow and cup a cheek. “Anders?” I said softly, trying not to wake Garrett. “Anders, love can you hear me? Come on, sweetie, wake up for me. Let me see those beautiful amber eyes.”

     He stilled as I spoke and soon was blinking up at me blearily. I smiled, leaning down to kiss him softly. “That's better. Now, do you want to talk about it or just cuddle?”

     He reached a shaking hand up to his brow and wiped at his face. “Cuddle. Please! I...can't...”

     I placed a quick finger to his lips, then slid down to lay a cheek against his chest, arm across his stomach. His other arm reached around and took a hold of my shoulder, pulling me in. He began lightly running a finger across my arm while staring up into the canopy of the bed.

     It was some time before I spoke again. “Why do you think he left, Anders?”

     “Because he's an idiot.”

     I giggled and slapped him lightly on the chest. “I'm being serious!”

     “So am I,” he continued, turning to place a kiss on my brow. “He is brilliant in a lot of ways, don't get me wrong. But when it comes to you and anything that might involve emotions he's the stupidest man I've ever met.”

     “Nah. If anybody's stupid, I think it's me,” I replied, nuzzling into Anders' neck. “I knew he wasn't really ready for any kind of physical relationship, but I made love to him anyway. He doesn't feel like he can give himself to me, to us, until Denarius is no longer an issue. And that's not going to resolve itself for some time yet. So I just said 'Fuck it' and had sex with him anyway. God, I'm such a fuck up.”

     Anders twisted around in my grip to be able to look down at me. “You are not a fuck up, do you understand? You're human and in love. And sometimes those two things together make us do some foolish things. But that's it, got me?” He reached around, gripping the hair at the nape of my neck and pulled me into his lips.

     I'm not really sure what happened. It was as though all the insecurities, all the anger and sadness of the last few weeks just drained out of me. Before I knew what I was really doing, my fingers were entwined in his hair, pulling him in deeper as he had twisted to almost straddle me. The little voice in the back of my head was screaming at me, telling me I had to stop, but as his hand drifted from my neck down to cup at my breast, I shoved that voice in a closet and set it on fire. I needed this, dammit, and the elf wasn't there to provide.

     Slowly Anders' mouth began to work lower, along my jaw, down the side of my neck, until his lips latched onto my breast through the thin cotton of my sleep shirt. Fingers drifting even lower, skimming across my hip to slip between my thighs into the folds beyond. Thankfully not wearing my smalls, he was able to enter my swiftly with two long, thin digits. I gasped and held him tighter as I rode his hand. Distantly I could hear Garrett shift next to me, but I just couldn't seem to care.

     Anders moved to my other breast as a second set of fingers moved in to take his place. I turned and saw Garrett, still sleep addled and dishevelled, but smiling. He leaned in to take my lips and I revelled in the feel of his beard scratching softly at my lips. When Anders removed his fingers and replaced them with his cock, I gasped in pleasure. He was so long, so thick, he was touching every inch of me, almost painfully so. I wrapped my legs around his waist, the better to feel everything he was doing.

     Garrett chuckled, taking the back of Anders head and pulling him into a kiss. Where Anders kissed you as though he were trying to set your insides on fire, Garrett's kisses were hard, bruising, a proving to the world that you belonged to him. Just watching him do that with Anders had me nearly finishing around Anders' cock. The mage groaned, rhythm stuttering as Garrett's hand drifted to his spine, then lower to his ass.

     It was all the incentive Garrett needed. He twisted briefly to his nightstand and pulled a vial of oil from the drawer, returning quickly to his lovers side. I'd never seen two men do this, though I had tried it with my ex once or twice and somewhat enjoyed it. Just the idea of watching these two made it hard to breathe.

     Slowly, Garrett uncorked the bottle, liberally coating his fingers, then poured some more into the cleft of Anders' ass. The mage moaned again against my breast, now sopping wet with his saliva and hard enough to cut glass. Garrett, instead of watching what he was doing, was looking at me, catching my eye and smiling as he fingered his lover in preparation. Anders moved away from suckling my breast and simply panted against my chest as he fucked me.

     Soon, Garrett was moving in behind Anders, removing his fingers and lining his cock up with Anders' entrance. The mage stopped pumping inside me, pausing to wait for Hawke to enter him. It was a slow entry, as I watched Anders eyes squeeze shut and his mouth go slack, his fingers gripping and tightening at my waist, as though I were the one moving inside him.

     They began a rhythm of movement and I realized that when Garrett slid into his lover, Anders was pushed into me, as though Garrett were using him as a conduit. That realization pushed me over the edge suddenly, gasping and screaming around my men. But they wouldn't let me come down, speeding their pace as they fucked me, fucked each other. Garrett's hands left Anders' hips covered his where they gripped me. Anders had his forehead pressed against my shoulder, Garrett staring me in the eye. Just to be watched like that felt so erotic, like he was reading my mind, delving for all the dirty things I was thinking about them.

     It was then I felt the soft hot/cold feeling of Anders magic, sliding from his fingers at my hips, down into my core and up across my chest. It felt as though I were being stroked by invisible fingers, a heady buzzing over every inch of my skin.

     “Come for us, Selena,” Anders whispered. Just those words had me tightening, tipped over the edge, followed quickly by Anders and Garrett themselves. I screamed, I know I did, though for who I couldn't be sure. I know I was swearing, some of it even in the french I had learned at my grandfather's knee as a child. And I hadn't spoken the language in years.

The boys moved away to clean up briefly, then rejoined me on the bed, one puling off the now soaked sleep shirt I was wearing while the other used a wet flannel to wipe me down. I could barely move, languid and boneless.

     And horribly guilt ridden.

     By the time the boys rejoined me in the bed for sleep, I was weeping openly, and they each held me, stroking me and whispering nonsense until I fell asleep.

                             *******************************

 

     Four weeks and I decided that I wasn't going to wait for him anymore. I put a pack together grabbed a bedroll and made the short trip over to Fenris' stolen home. I was desperate now to talk to him, and if he should be gone once again, I was prepared to camp out in his rooms until he returned.

     For once he seemed to have locked his front door, so after my knocks had proved futile, I got to practice some of my relatively new lock picking skills. God bless Isabela and her teachings.

     The house was relatively cool, though not nearly as cold as it had been on my previous visit. I called out to Fenris, knowing I'd receive no answer but doing it anyway. Were he here he probably wouldn't answer, hoping I'd go away, and if he weren't...well...yeah. I started in his upstairs chamber, placing my stuff near his bed and moving to light the hearth and warm the space. I then wandered the house, familiarizing myself with the space as much as searching for the elf. _God! They weren't kidding about the corpses were they?_ There were dozens of the damned things, all relatively desiccated, thank God, otherwise the smell would just been too much. The kitchen was a mass of dirt, rat droppings and mold that should have developed a sentience by now. There was no way I'd be cooking in there for the foreseeable future. I was so glad I had asked Bodahn to run some food over during the day until my return.

     One good thing I found was that the bathing chamber had been scrubbed to an almost hospital cleanliness. Apparently Fenris loved his baths here as much as he had in my rooms. Being able to bathe when and where he chose was a freedom I could understand. I vowed to return later and try out his tub myself.

     It was three days later, submerged in his tub filled with bubbles that smelled vaguely like vanilla, that Fenris returned. I didn't hear him coming, singing to myself as I bathed, trying to remember all the words to Christina Perri's A Thousand Years. When he stepped into the doorway, staring angrily at me in the tub, covered in bubbles, I jerked back, splashing water to the floor.

     “What are you doing here, woman?”

     Never had my gender sounded so much like a damned insult before. It definitely got my back up. Squaring my shoulders, I glared. “Waiting for you.”

     Sneer on his lips, his gaze travelled up and down my body. “You were waiting in my tub?”

    “And why the hell not?” I said hotly, “It's not like you were here to enjoy it! And a girl's got to get clean.”

     “Why not the bath in your own home? Why here, violating my privacy?”

     “Your privacy?!” I yelled, standing now, unmindful of the fact that I was completely naked. “I have been waiting for you for weeks. Weeks! And every time I tried coming to you, you were gone. So I decided to wait for you and it takes you three days to come back! Am I so fucking terrible that you have to hide yourself from me? You could have just said, you know. Just told me 'Sorry. The sex was great but I'm done with you now'. But no, I get a note telling me you've gone home and then nothing for a month!” _Shit! Now I'm crying._

     I grasped a drying cloth from a nearby stool and wrapped it around me as I stepped from the tub. It was supposed to be a grand gesture, which of course I completely fucked up by tripping on the rim and nearly falling on my face, only to have Fenris lunge forward and catch me.

     I looked up and finally saw something besides a blank mask. There, in his eyes, was a deep sadness. Pain and regret, and I was suddenly sorry that I had yelled as I had. After helping me to right myself, he sighed and turned away, shoulders drooping, head sagging. “Meet me in my room when you are done.”

     I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see it and hurried to dress in a pair of soft leather breeches and one of Fenris' lawn shirts, this one a stark white. Yes, I had shamelessly raided his trunks, finding every one of his shirts that would fit and wearing them whenever I could get away with it. I found that I needed to surround myself with his scent as much as possible, just to keep the personal demons at bay.

     When I entered the room, briskly rubbing my hair dry with the towel, Fenris was standing at the fire, staring into it's depths as though all his problems could be found there. He looked so sad, so dejected that my heart caught in my chest. I had to fight myself not to run over and take him into my arms, cradle him and tell him it would be all right. Instead I threw the towel across the dining table bench and cleared my throat.

      He turned and motioned for me to take one of the chairs by the fire, while he took the other. We sat there, silent for a few minutes, staring into the flames. Finally I just couldn't take it any more. “Why?” I asked.

     “Why what?” His voice was soft, as though he were trying to hide even that part of himself, afraid of reprisals and punishment.

     “Why did you leave? What did I do?”

     His head jerked up in surprise. “What did you do? You did nothing! You were...perfect.”

     “Oh, yeah. Perfect.” I said with a derisive snort. “So damned perfect you're running for the hills as soon as you can get away. Next you're going to tell me that it wasn't me, it was you.”

     “It was,” he sighed, staring back at the floor, hands clasped between his knees. “I...I am unworthy of you. An escaped elvehn slave, living in a borrowed mansion, existing day to day for nothing more than to kill my master.”

     I leaned forward, taking his hands in my own. _Dammit! Why can't I ever stay mad at this damned stupid elf?_ “No. You are Fenris. A man, a fierce warrior, Who lives day to day being loved. You are the most worthy being I know.”

     He looked up at me and if I hadn't stopped being angry before, those damnable puppy eyes would have done it. As it was, I melted into a smile. “Now, tell me what you've been doing while you've been gone.”

     We slipped into casual conversation for a few hours, relearning how to be comfortable with one another. And when I finally gathered my things to head back to Hawke's, it was with a smile and a promise to talk when things got hard, not running for the door, no matter how tempting.


	3. Chapter 3

     Why, in the name of David Gaider, did I explain the concept of the Bachelor party to Isabela? Oh, right, because I'm an _idiot!_ Tomorrow was the big day, at least as far as Kirkwall society was concerned, and so tonight was party time.

     As I had promised myself, I told Garrett all about the custom of the Bachelor party and sent him off with Anders, Fenris, Varric and Sebastian to the Rose. Just watching Vael's reactions inside should be a fair bit of entertainment in and of itself. And then Izzy had wanted in on the deal, and so the Bachelorette party was born.

     We were down at the docks, at a bar called the Naughty Mermaid. I never knew this place existed or I might have come sooner. It basically boiled down to a strip bar geared towards women, raucous and loud, three well built men in various stages of undress currently gracing a large stage near the back. Merrill was staring, wide eyed but smiling, while Aveline merely scowled and sniffed in derision. Well, at least she was relaxed enough, seeing as we were able to get her out of her armour and into real clothing for once.

     We sidled up to the bar along the side wall and ordered our first of many drinks for the evening, settling to watch the show. Oh and what a show. You never saw the whole package but you may as well have, all thin leather and tiny strings. One guy actually had a tiny thong dyed to match his skin tone. Women were throwing sovereigns for that one. And after each show, a little elvehn boy would come out with a broom and sweep the coins backstage to clear it for the next performance.

     There was one show that seemed almost as though Izzy had had it tailor made for me. Two tall human men and an elf, one dark, one gold and the elf's hair so pale it may as well have been white, all pumping ang grinding, both at the audience and against each other. I was squirming in my seat so badly that even Aveline was grinning, and Merrill was blushing and tittering into her drink, though that could have been because of the ale.

     I was more than ready to head home and relieve a bit of the pressure when Isabela declared it was time for step two.

     “Step two?” I shouted over the din.

     “Yep. Trust me!” she cried, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards a doorway I hadn't spotted to the far right of the stage, covered with a dark curtain. We entered a dim hallway and continued down to the very end, to another door before she stopped and knocked. There was a grunt that could have been a greeting or a fuck off, it was kind of hard to tell. The rowdy women were harder to hear, but no where near impossible.

     “Oooh! A tattoo parlour!” Merrill cheered merrily, clapping her hands. Oh my God, she's right! A dwarven woman sat on a low stool next to what could only be described as a padded table, a long bench behind her filled with bottles of ink and several wooden devices that I could only assume were the tattooing apperatti. The walls were covered in beautiful drawings, examples of her work I would have to assume.

     “Cheery!” Isabela exclaimed, throwing her arms wide and bending to hug the woman, who was now smiling widely. “How are you doing you old harlot?”

     The woman laughed, hugging Isabela tightly. They actually looked really good together, Cheery's blonde locks and light skin a perfect foil for Isabela's dusky beauty. _Okay, I'm farther gone than I thought if I'm thinking like that. Cut it out_! “So is this her?” Cheery asked, pulling away. “The new Champion of Kirkwall. Wow.” _And there's a name I could have gone without._

     “This is her, Cheery, and she needs a tattoo. Getting married tomorrow, don't you know.” “Oh no!” I cried. “No no no! I can't get a tattoo, Iz! You saw the dress Leandra got for me to wear. Where would I put it?” _Wait! Not, 'I'm not getting a tattoo because it's a tattoo', but 'Where would I put it'? What the fuck is wrong with me?_

     “Oh that one's easy,” Isabela assured me. She reached out and cupped just above my right butt cheek. “Right there is perfect. Sexy as all get out but completely covered by Leandra's scary assed dress.”

     Suddenly Aveline's strong hands were resting on my shoulders and pushing me down on the table. “Do it. Even I got one before Donnic and I married.” _WHAT?!_

     “Oooh yes! It's not so bad, really. I got my vallas'lin and the face hurts much more than in other places! Though I've been told that on the hand hurts just as much, something to do with the bones and maybe on really sensitive places like your breast or-”

     “Okay, Merrill,” I chuckled. “I get it. This is some right of passage thing and I should just shut up about it.”

     “Well,” she started, chewing lightly on her lip, “ Yes. Yes it is. So be quiet.”

     I giggled. Merrill trying to be assertive was kind of cute. “Okay, then Merrill. What should I get?”

     “Oh that's easy!” she exclaimed, jumping up and running to the walls of pictures and bringing me back a sketch. “A wolf! For Fenris of course!”

     I was shocked. “What about Hawke? Wouldn't a bird of some sort be more appropriate?”

     “Of course not silly! Don't get me wrong, we all know that you love Hawke, it's not like your marrying him for his money or anything, and you love Anders, too. But they're not the ones meant for you. Fenris is your one, and you need to show it to the world.”

     We all stopped and just stared at the little Dalish elf, watching us with giant green eyes, as though daring any of us to contradict her. It was so easy to forget just what a brilliant mind hid in all that fluff that when it shone through, you were taken aback.

     It was Cheery who recovered first, laughing and taking the page from the woman. “Well, there you go then. So, which one shall it be, huh?”

     I knew, as soon as the paper was placed in front of my eyes, which IT would be. “The profile, there in the right corner. White with green eyes. Can you do that one?”

     She looked at it, then over to her table of inks, before nodding. “No problem. Now, why don't you ladies go and fetch us all some drinks? We're going to be a while.”

                           **********************************

 

     I couldn't see straight and my butt really hurt when I stumbled into the mansion hours later, the pink of the sun beginning to lighten the air. _Oh, I am WAY too drunk to get married today. Going to have to pos...post...wait til tomorrow._ I giggled at the thoughts in my own head.

     “Where were you?”

     I looked up quickly to the voice drifting down the stairs, not my smartest move seeing as how the room kept going after my head stopped and my body nearly went with it, which of course just made me giggle more. “I was drinkin' and watchin' men's booties and gettin' a tattoo!”

     Anders drifted down the stairs silently, in that beautiful, graceful way that a man that tall should not be able to do. It made me want to either lick my way up his body or trip him to watch him fall. I couldn't quite decide. “We were getting worried. If it wasn't for the fact that you were with Aveline, we might have come looking for you- Wait! Did you just say you got a tattoo?”

     “Yes!” I started fumbling with my buttons, trying to take off my shirt to show him. “You wanna see?”

     He reached out to still my fingers. “Not yet, love. Let's go upstairs and tuck you in for some sleep before Leandra has you up and getting ready. We shouldn't be out here anyway. Orana will be up soon to start cooking and we wouldn't want to be in her way.”

     I nodded solemnly, well aware that being in Orana's way might mean no chocolate tarts and that was just a crime. Anders lead me up the stairs, steering me away from Garrett's room and into my own. “Leandra's orders,” he chuckled when I protested. “You sleep in separate rooms tonight and don't see each other until the ceremony. Some custom of yours, I believe.”

      _Oh, right. I told her that._ I sighed and flopped down on my bed, then immediately rolled onto my stomach because that really hurt my ass. Anders saw my wince of pain and immediately sent a tendril of healing magic across my back. I moaned at the relief.

     “Careful with noises like that, love,” he chuckled, “or I'll be taking advantage of a vulnerable lady. Now, let's get you undressed and ready for sleep, shall we?”

    _Undressed. Yeah, I like undressed_. I reached under myself and awkwardly finished unbuttoning my shirt, then flopped back, boneless, for Anders to finish the job. I could hear him jokingly grumble to himself about drunken women, then heard him pause and gasp.

     “It's beautiful,” he said softly, brushing a finger near the new artwork. “like it will reach out and bite off a finger. He better appreciate this.” Even drunk I knew who 'he' was.

     I'm pretty sure I started to fall asleep at that point, barely feeling Anders finish undressing me and covering me with a blanket, placing a soft kiss on my cheek. “Sweet dreams, Mistress Hawke. See you at the ceremony.”

     I sighed and smiled. Mistress Hawke. Had a nice ring to it.


	4. Chapter 4

     Four hours after passing out like a drunken idiot in my bed, my room was filled with noise and light and smiling women, making me want to reach out and kill them all. Even Orana, who was patiently plaiting my hair into a complicated series of braids and curls, with little diamond tipped pins. Thankfully, the elfroot powder and tea that I'd had a bit earlier was taking the edge off, otherwise there might be blood stains on my dress.

     Once the hair was finished- and Orana worked magic there, let me tell you- it was time to wiggle into the dress. The underdress was my only real request, white brocaded silk with gold trim, with a matching white underbust corset. A tradition that I just couldn't seem to part with. The overdress, on the other hand, was in the family colours of red and gold, tight in the chest and arms down to the elbows then flared out into bells that nearly touched the ground. It was gorgeous, but so damned heavy I nearly fell over with the weight, which set all the girls to laughing. Isabela, Merrill and Aveline were all dressed in simple red shifts to compliment the overdress, each with a small bouquet of white roses. Aveline had forgone her headband, Merrill had let Orana take out her little ponytails and even Isabela had let herself be done up for the occasion. She even promised to wear smalls. She must really love me, I guess.

     Leandra bustled in, taking a moment to carefully look me up and down. She opted for a simple blue gown, 'so as not to detract from the bride' or so she said. She still looked absolutely beautiful and I was so glad that we had managed to keep her alive. Hawke needed her, and I was finding that I needed her sometimes as well. Finally, Leandra nodded and smiled in approval. “You're beautiful, dear,” she said, leaning over to place a soft kiss on my cheek. “Are you just about ready?”

    _No! Not even close, woman!_ “Yes. Let's get this over with shall we?”

     My bridesmaids filed from the room, and soon Leandra followed, to be replaced by Fenris. It had been a difficult decision on who would be my escort to Garrett's side. He had been desperate for Anders to stand beside him before the Grand Cleric and I didn't know Sebastian or Varric nearly as well. And so it fell to Fenris to complete the act of giving me away.

     He was dressed all in black with trim of red and gold, and was stunningly beautiful. He was smiling, truly smiling and my breath caught as he came forward and took me by the hands.

    “Would it were I awaiting you to be wed,” he said softly.

     “Just say the word and the two of us are out of here. We'll catch the first ship to Antiva. Or maybe Rivain. Can you imagine us in Rivain?”

     Fenris chuckled, tucking his hand into the crook of his arm. “No. It is time to meet Hawke, _carissimi_.”

     I sighed in resignation. “All right. Lead on.”

     We made the slow walk from Garrett's estate to the Chantry, a path of rosebud petals lining the street, amid a throng of cheering people, happy to see the Champion of Kirkwall. Oh my God, how embarrassing!I thought to myself, trying to keep from blushing too badly so that I would clash with the dress. Fenris was flushed as well, though he wore it so much better. And for once, he wasn't angry at the attention, still smiling as we walked. The Chantry was packed to the rafters, literally, with sisters, brothers, and nobles alike, packed into the upper chancel when there weren't enough seats in the lower areas to accommodate everyone. The Grand Cleric stood before the banner of the Maker, at the feet of the statue of Andraste, beaming with pride, while Garrett and Anders stood to her left and the girls had taken their places to the right.

      Oh and didn't they just look amazing. Anders was in a similar outfit as Fenris, while Garrett wore simple black leather breeches and boots with a white silk shirt and long red silk brocade coat, adorned with black leather. With his thick dark hair and neatly trimmed beard, he looked absolutely stunning.

     As we approached Elthina, I stopped and took a hold of Fenris' face between my palms, kissing him deeply before taking that last step to my place before the cleric. Some of the witnesses gasped and murmured, but Garrett just looked at me with a smile and a mischievous twinkle o f the eye as Fenris took his place next to Anders.

     “Selena and Garrett,” the Grand Cleric began. “Know now, before you go further, that since your paths have crossed in this life, you have formed eternal and sacred bonds. As you seek to enter this state of matrimony before Andraste and the Maker you should strive to make real the ideals that, to you, give this ceremony meaning.

     With full awareness, know that within this chantry you are not only declaring your intent to be wed before your family and friends but you speak that intent to the Maker and his bride. The promises made here and the ties that are bound greatly strengthen your union and will cross the years and the lives of each other's souls.

     Do you still seek to enter this ceremony?”

     “Yes.” It was fast, and loud, and unanimous between us.

     The Grand Cleric began the Chant of Light, with many in audience following suit. I, on the other hand, took this opportunity to glance at my soon-to-be husband. He, on the other hand, was taking the time to make lascivious glances at Anders and I had to force myself not to giggle. Giggling during the Chant of Light at your wedding was probably frowned upon.

     “Selena and Garrett,” she began again, smiling when she saw that we had both drifted off into our thoughts, “I bid you look into each others eyes.”

     We turned, taking a hold of each other's hands. She pulled a braided cord from deep within her sleeve. Where normally the cord used would be of one or two colours to match the grooms house, this one was four colours- lavender, green, blue and amber- all in a complicated plait. A representation of the four of us, as though it was all of us being married. It made my eyes begin to well with tears.

     “Will you respect and honour one another, and seek never to break that honour?” she asked.

     “We will,” we answered as she draped the cord over our clasped hands.

     “And so the first binding is made. Will you share each other's pain and seek to ease it?”

     “We will.” She turned one tail up and over Garrett's wrist.

     “And so the second binding is made. Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union?”

     “We will.” The other tail was draped over my own wrist.

     “And so the third binding is made.” She tied the cord ends together. “Selena and Garrett, as your hands are bound together now, so your lives are bound together in a union of love and trust. Above you are the stars and below you is the earth. Like the stars, your love should be a constant source of light, and like the earth, a firm foundation from which to grow. May the Maker and his bride, Andraste bless this union and all that grows from it. Garrett Hawke,please place the token of your love upon her finger then kiss your bride to welcome her into your home.”

     He smiled,slipping the simple gold band we had chosen upon my finger and with his free hand, tipped my chin up to meet his lips. It was a sweet, almost chaste kiss for Garrett and I couldn't stop the smile as I grabbed at his lapel and pulled him forward, much to the happy cheers of many in the pews. I pulled away to see a very happy Hawke, and a happier Grand Cleric.

     She faced the congregation. “Lords, Ladies and Messer's, may I present Garrett and Selena Hawke!”

 


	5. Chapter 5

     A year.

     When Garrett came to me at breakfast this morning and told me I'd been in Thedas a year I was shocked. Surely it hadn't been that long! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that he was correct. I'd done so much and yet it had gone by so damned fast. Then, to make matters that more surreal, he leaned down, placing a soft kiss to my temple and whispered, “Happy Name Day.”

     I whipped my head around to him as he took his place at the table, cup of steaming tea clutched in his fingers. He chuckled, seeing my expression. “Well, it's something you don't talk about and we figured that your months would be different then ours and you wouldn't really know when your name day was,” he explained. “So the bunch of us got together and decided that the day you washed up into our lives would have to do. Is that all right? Or would you rather celebrate some other day?”

     I thought about it, then with a smile I shook my head. “No. Today is as good a day as any to celebrate. In fact, it's probably better, seeing as how it's the beginning of my new life, why shouldn't I celebrate today?”

     “Good,” he declared, standing once again and moving out of the room, “Because we're having a party tonight at the Hanged Man.”

     I laughed, knowing full well that really, in the end, any excuse was a good excuse to party as far as Garrett Hawke was concerned.

                                         ************************

 

     I decided that, if today was to be my Name Day, I would spend it the way I really wanted to, so after finishing my breakfast and having a quick wash and dress I headed over to Fenris' mansion. I dressed in finery I normally wouldn't pull out just to visit friends, but, again, Name Day. I do what I want. Soft as butter black breeches that laced up the sides for knee to waist with a pale green silk shirt and black leather underbust corset, with matching boots and hooded thigh length coat in a green a shade or two darker than the shirt. I even let Orana put my bangs up in a small side braid that kept the wisps out of my eyes, but left most of my hair free in the back.

     Dammit, I looked good!

     So off I went to visit Fenris with a bottle of Agreggio in one hand and a book in the other. Reading lessons were going amazingly well. We'd long since passed the children's stories and moved on to more engaging works. I longed to teach him the classics of my youth, Little Women or maybe Tom Sawyer, but of course, those were now lost to me. So, instead, I found things such as the Travel Journals of Brother Genetivi and Dane and the Werewolf. Things that might hold his attention but had little mention of things such as Tevinter.

     We'd also begun working in the journal. It started as an exercise. I would have him think up a word or sentence that he wanted to remember, then we would practice writing the word multiple times, first on the slate with chalk, then on parchment with quill and ink. When he was finally satisfied with his progress, he would copy it down in his journal. It would always be something he wanted to remember. Something important to him.

     His first word in the journal was lavender. The colour he associated with my eyes.

      I rarely knocked upon reaching Fenris' anymore, just called up the stairs to alert him of my presence. Today was no exception and when I reached the landing and could see into his room, I froze in happy surprise. He was sitting on a bench not far from the fire, dressed only in a loose pair of cotton sleep pants, sharpening his greatsword. I felt the first stirrings of lust on seeing him like that, and when he turned to me and smiled, truly smiled, I would have taken him there had it been allowed. As it was, I shivered, then continued into the room as he put his weapon aside and came to me.

     “To what do I owe the honour?” he asked, taking both wine and book to set on his dining table before turning back to me. He was so close, eyes twinkling with mirth. He knew what he did to me and he was doing this on purpose!

     “What? Can't I pay you a visit without an ulterior motive?” I asked, all mock innocence.

     “No.”

     I had to laugh. He said it with such surety, so matter-of-fact that It just struck me as funny. His dark brown dipped in a brief scowl, not understanding why I was laughing, but it didn't last long before he was smiling as well. It was so wonderful to see this side of Fenris, not bogged down by fear and lack of confidence.

     He took a soft grip of my fingers and pulled me one of the comfortable chairs he had placed by the fire. “Actually, now that you're here, I want you to take a look at something.”

     He rifled through some papers on the dining table and returned with a letter. I knew, before reading a single word, just what it was. “She's here,” I whispered, eyes wide. _That means Denarius is here. But it's too soon! Isn't there supposed to be years between the death of the Arishok and the beginning of Act Three?_

     “Yes,” Fenris replied, surprised. “I found my sister, had Sebastian help me write to her, sent her coin to come. And she's here, at the Hanged Man. I thought to see her this evening, during the party.”

    “No!” I cried, dropping the letter and standing quickly. “We have to go now! During the day! It's important, Fenris!” I took his arm as though to emphasize my point and his marks flared briefly. I didn't let go and he nodded. Seeing how important this was.

     “Do I go armed for war?” he asked, almost a whisper.

     “Yes. And then some.”

                                              ************************ 

 

     We returned briefly to Hawke's to collect him and Spirit as well as for me to arm myself. Luckily, Sebastian was at the house as well and he was more than happy to follow. I wasn't sure how effective bows would be in the confines of the bar, but an extra friend was an extra friend. I forwent my bow in favour of blades. I seriously wanted to feel Denarius' blood on my hands.

     Spirit was sent to fetch Aveline, knowing that the guard would be needed soon enough and Hawke entered ahead of us to give Isabela and Varric a head's up for trouble. The three of us left gave him a count of two hundred before walking into the dark establishment. The Hanged Man was normally a shadowed place, lit only by a large hearth in the winter and wall sconces in the summer and smelled of smoke and sweat and spilled beer. Today, however, it was as though the little light there was was trying to hide from something even darker and there was a thick touch of copper in the air.

     I spotted her right away, rich red hair and pale skin at odd with Fenris' looks, but with those same beautiful green eyes that came from their mother. The look of wonder on his face was replaced with concern when he saw the look of fear on mine.

     Denarius was here. I could feel the malevolence he emitted like a pungent smell. I didn't give the mage time to come down the steps and control the scene. I decided that, this time, the fight would come to him.

     I ran, up the stairs pulling Speed and Agility as I went, feeling them blaze with electrical current, something they did only when the occasion seemed to warrant it. Apparently, they were _pissed_!

     Down the hall from Varric, who was just coming out of his rooms with a startled “Hey!” , the mage was just exiting his room, flanked by guards. They didn't see me coming, thank God. I had run into this without backup, or at least the back up a fair bit behind. No, instead the man’s guards fell to my blades. The first fell quickly, a slash across the throat spraying the hallway with blood. A quick spin and thrust, and the second was impaled and falling. I felt a brief burning across my side that let me know that the third had gotten in a lucky cut before I removed his head.

    By this time I could hear fighting going on down in the main room and knew that the guys were not going to be coming to my side in the near future. Luckily for me, Denarius had decided to erect a shield around himself. Lucky, you may ask? Well, while I couldn't attack him while it was up, neither could he attack me. And I had a little trick up my sleeve to employ while I waited.

     “Hello, Denarius,” I said, smiling, reaching into one of my little belt pouches for a vial. “You don't know me but I most assuredly know you.”

    “You would be the new Champion of Kirkwall, would you not?” he sneered. “My Fenris' new Mistress.”

     I chuckled, hearing the fighting begin to slow downstairs. The vial was now in my hands and I used my teeth to pull the stopper. “Mistress, no. Friend, yes. He has quite a few of those now, you see. And we've become quite attached to him, I'm afraid.” I smeared the thick oil from the vial upon my blades.

     “And I can see why you would,” he said, looking behind me, down the hall at what I could only hope was the elf and our friends. “He is quite skilled isn't he?”

     “Oh, you have no idea.” I said, flicking the tip of Speed towards his shield, watching as the drop bubbled and steamed. “He is the best of us, really. Strong and steadfast and so damned smart. You missed out on so much.”

     I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned briefly to see Fenris standing there, spattered with blood but looking at me with love. I smiled at him and turned back, just in time to see the shield come down.

     I didn't give the mage time to act. A quick swipe of Speed, a small jab with Agility and I stood back to watch. A fireball began to form in his outspread fingers, only to sputter and fail. He tried again, with barely more than a spark before his spell fizzled. I laughed.

     “Magebane, idiot. Don't they teach you that particular little trick in Tevinter? See the pirate lady back there?” Isabela gave a jaunty wave. “She taught me all sorts of wonderful little tricks like this.” I slammed Speed's pommel into his jaw, sending blood and teeth flying as he crumpled to the ground. “And now, I think Fenris would like a turn.”

     I turned and left them together, knowing that this was something that the elf needed to finish for himself. Denarius' screams were music.

     Downstairs, I found Varania cowering in a corner, as far from the corpses of Denarius' other guards as she could get and I thanked God that Fenris hadn't killed her yet. As much as he would dearly want to now, it would haunt him later, and I just couldn't handle that.

     “Varania?” I said softly, crouching in front of the quivering woman. “Varania, are you hurt?”

     She looked up at me in abject terror and I tried to smile, to calm her. “Who are you?” she squeaked.

    “My name's Selena. I'm a friend of Fen- of Leto. I just want to help you.”

     She looked past me, shaking her head wildly. I turned my head, seeing Fenris stalk towards us out of the corner of my eye. “I won't let him hurt you,” I said, turning back to her and helping her stand.

     “You!” Fenris growled, stopping in front of us. I turned, placing Varania at my back and facing Fenris. “You brought him here!”

     “I was to become his apprentice. I would have become a magister.” Oh, how I hated those words. Thankfully, Anders wasn't here to make it worse.

      “You would have sold out your own brother to become a magister?” He cried. “What's stopping me from killing you now, like the damned cur you are?”

    “No, please don't! Please don't let him!”

     I could see his brands flare bright blue-white and didn't think. He tried reaching around me for his sister's heart and I shifted, putting myself in the way. His fist slid in, beneath the skin, beneath the bone, into the organ that he sought.

      _Holy Fucking Christ It Hurts!_ On previous occasions when he had phased into my body, he had remained phased, he hadn't been trying to kill. This time, with thoughts of his sister's death at the forefront of his mind, he had begun to solidify before realizing it was my heart he held, not Varania's. The pain was exquisite and I gasped from the sensation. He was frozen in fear, clutching at my stuttering heart and staring at me as though it were the end of the world.

     I could hear Garrett yelling, telling him to pull out, but it wasn't that easy and we both knew it. If he pulled out the way we were now, he would kill me, damaging my heart far beyond even Anders ability to heal, even had the mage been here. Grey began to creep into my vision, but I tried to remain focused, looking intently into Fenris' beautiful green eyes. I was panting and beginning to shudder uncontrollably, but I needed for Fenris to see that it was all right. He could do it. He nodded and began to glow just a little bit brighter, slowly sliding his fist out of my body.

     The relief was so great, so sudden, that I collapsed to my knees, Fenris catching me before I fell forward onto my face. Hawke ran up, sliding to his knees beside us and pushed Fenris away, taking me into his arms. I tried to stop him, to protest, but I couldn't seem to make my arms work properly. “Garrett, stop-,” I managed to whisper but Fenris interrupted.

     “No, Selena. He is right to do this. I nearly killed you.” He looked away, hiding behind his thick wave of hair. “I will go.”

     I started to reach out to him, but stopped with a deep sigh. He wasn't in a place where he would really hear anything I said right now. I would wait, and try speaking with him later this evening. Instead, I turned in Garrett's arms and looked to the dwarf. “Varric? Could you take Varania to the Alienage and see if Merrill can find her a place to sleep?”

     “Of course, Starlight,” he grunted. “Come along with me, Missy. We'll find you a place to lay your head.”

     Varania looked from Varric to me with trepidation and I nodded to her. “It's all right. He's a good one, and so is Merrill. You can trust them.”

     Once they were gone and Corff's exorbitant bill for damages and body removal had been covered, Aveline and the guard had finally arrived to take statements. Better late than never, I guess. She, of course, kept us there long enough for Anders to come running at full speed, apparently told I was dead by a bar patron on his way back to the estate.

     He picked me up from the chair I had finally been able to find for myself, and I yelped. That stupid guard's sword scratch had been oozing periodically and begun to itch. And of course this set the mage off on a new tangent about no one dealing with the _injured_ for fuck's sake and what the hell was wrong with the lot of them.

     I giggled. I couldn't help it! He was just so upset and berating people in plate mail with swords and it was so damned funny! Or it could have been blood loss, what the fuck do I know? He ripped away at my corset and shirt which kind of saddened me seeing as how I had liked that shirt, even though I knew in the back of my head that a sword had pretty much already ruined it. Warm, slightly calloused hands touched the scratch and cool healing magic washed over it, soothing the itch. I hummed my appreciation when he leaned down and took my lips.

     “No more getting stabbed,” he said softly, touching his forehead to mine. I smiled. “It wasn't a stab. Barely a cut.”

     “Still too close. And I was told the elf was here?”

     Well, there went my smile. “He left. He needed to think.”

     “He left?!” Anders cried, lifting his head and taking me by the upper arms. “He left you alone, bleeding?”

     “She was hardly alone,” Garrett muttered, drawing his attention.

     “And where in the Void were you? You're supposed to protect her!”

     I sighed and moved away from them. Neither was really paying attention to me anymore anyway, so I walked up to the bar to stand with Isabela. “Care to walk a girl home while the testosterone fest over there winds down?”

     Izzy gulped down whatever vile concoction had been in her bug and smiled. “Sure thing, Kitten.”


	6. Chapter 6

     “Fenris?”

     For the second time that day I was letting myself into Fenris home, hoping to find him. Isabela had seen me to Hawke's, but I just couldn't seem to relax, knowing that Fenris was as upset as I'm sure he was.

     “Go away.”

     It was said so softly that at first I thought I misheard or imagined it. “Fenris? Where are you? We need to talk.”

      “No we don't.” I looked up to see him on the upstairs landing. “You need to leave. Now.”

      “We both know that isn't about to happen,” I scoffed, making my way to the stairs.

     “ _Venhedis_ , woman! Just go! Get as far away from me as you possibly can!” he cried, pushing himself from the rail and storming into his room. I rushed to follow, finding him bent over his pack, books, papers and sword caring gear spread over the bed nearby.

     “What are you doing?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

     “Leaving.”

     “Oh no!” I declared, taking a hold of his arm and turning him towards me. His brands flared briefly but dimmed with the look of fear in his eye.”You don't get to just walk out. Not again.”

     Anger flashed across his face. “'Just walk out'? You think this is easy for me? You hand me my freedom on a silver platter and I nearly kill you for it! I have to leave. Now. Before I finish the job.”

     “Now that's just silly and you know it,” I scoffed.

     “Silly? SILLY?!” he had me by both arms now, shaking me slightly. I had a similar grip upon his own. “Do you have any idea how close you came to dying? How close I came to killing you? I couldn't live in a world where you weren't there, so I'm leaving before I make it into one.”

     I leaned in and kissed him. It's the only thing I could think of to do. His lips were hard, chapped beneath mine but I wouldn't pull away. Just as I was beginning to think that he wasn't going to respond, he opened up to me, pulling me in closer, licking, nipping and biting at my mouth. I groaned in pleasure, melting into him.

     He pulled away suddenly and moved to the bed. That momentary pang of loss was nearly overwhelming, but he was gone only long enough to yank the coverlet- and everything that had been on it- to the floor before taking me by the waist and throwing me down upon the mattress. I laughed, a giddy note of pleasure, and he growled. Apparently, laughing was not to be tolerated today.

     He crawled above me and returned to biting at my lips, then moved lower to the juncture where my throat met the shoulder. That wonderful hot ache travelled from his lips straight to my core and burned there. I'm not really sure how it happened, only knowing that if I didn't get to touch skin soon I would scream, and then we were naked and he was straddling my waist as he ate at my mouth, rubbing his cock against my stomach while my hands drifted across his chest.

     I was nothing but a pit of conflict. I wanted to wait, to be calm as he tasted and pleasured himself on me, and at the same time I wanted to have every inch of him now. My fingers drifted lower, lower, until they settled around his cock. I moaned at the contact, or he did, or both. Another moment and he grabbed my hands away from him, holding them next to my head.

     “No, _carissimi._ ” he chided. “Continue like that and this will be over all too soon.”

     He moved my hands up above my head and shifted to hold them both in one hand, the other sliding down, until his fingers were slipping between the lips of my sex, circling, rubbing gently. _God, it feels so good!_ I couldn't seem to think, bucking my hips, rutting against his hand as he slid his finger inside. All I knew was that I wanted _more!_

     He moved down, abandoning my wrists and moving down, down, until his face was there, tongue darting out to gently touch me. To lick away the copious amount of juice that was flowing for him. I moaned, cried out, screamed his name as I came across his tongue, but he didn't stop, just paused briefly to catch his breath before beginning long languid licks across my folds.

     Then he was moving up, his cock rubbing softly against the sensitive skin between my legs and I wanted to cry, to scream for him to fuck me! He drove into me, hard, a man possessed, as though his life depended on reaching the deepest part of me. His fingers went back to my nub, stroking it, rubbing as he fucked me, each time he slammed into me rubbing with the motion.

      He was panting now, short little moans of pleasure that I barely heard over the roaring of blood in my ears. It was so hot, so wet and God if this is insanity never let me be sane! And then everything was flying apart and I could feel his final thrust before he came inside me, filling me and it was exquisite. I collapsed, barely able to lift my head and he fell to rest upon my breast, hot breath pulsing. I pulled my arms around him, holding him close while his cock softened within me.

     “Hmmm,” I sighed softly. “Feel better now?”

     “Yes,” Fenris answered, still panting slightly. “Though I feel as though I owe you an apology.”

      “What? Why?”

      “That...wasn't how I meant for things to go between us. I thought that, if the Maker were granting wishes and we ever were to be together again, I'd...go slower, take my time...savour you.”

      “Savour me, huh!” I asked mischievously. “I think I like the sound of that. Makes me sound like one of your fancy wines. Delicately sipped, rolled around on the tongue...”

     Fenris groaned, rubbing himself lightly against my thigh. “Keep that up, woman, and you will never make it to your Name Day celebration.”

      “Good thing you're coming with me then, isn't it?”

      Fenris stiffened and sat up suddenly, turning away from me. “No. No, I can't come with you.”

      “And why the fuck not?”I asked angrily. “Are you running away from me again, Fenris? Because if you are, then that's it. There's no more chances between us. I can't...I just can't take it anymore.” I had tears in my eyes by now and the words were beginning to choke in my throat.

     “No!” he exclaimed, turning and taking me into his arms. I buried my face in his neck, taking a deep breath of everything that screamed Fenris. “No, _carissimi._ Never again. Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever done and I couldn't possibly do it again. No, I can't go to your party because of what I did. That you have forgiven me is nothing short of a miracle, but Garrett? The others? No, I have ruined whatever friendship was there with what I did today. And I can not blame them.”

     “All right, Fenris,” I said softly, pulling away and standing to dress. “I won't force you. You're free to choose to come or not as you will. But I will miss you there.And just so you know, you're going to have to face them sooner or later.”

                                   *************************

 

     For once, the Hanged Man didn't look like someone had just died there, which was kind of funny if you thought about it. Varric had rented out the bar for the party, but then invited all the regulars so the usual crowd was there, just with all their drinks comped. He'd even hired a group of Rivaini musicians that were keeping up a rowdy beat off in a far corner. It was a raucous, happy place.

     I was the last to arrive, besides Fenris of course, and a cheer went up as I entered, with mugs raised and a few drunken “Happy Name Days” yelled out. I looked around the main room to see my friends had taken over the largest central table, heaped high with finger foods, ale and gifts. They waved me over with a round of smiles. A round of strained smiles.

     The first thing I noticed was that Anders and Garrett were sitting as far from each other as the table would allow, both studiously avoiding eye contact. The second was that there seemed to be a lot of empty tankards in front of both of them, as though they were trying desperately to get as drunk as possible, which is something neither of them indulged in with the other. A drunken mage and a drunken berserker trying to have sex? Without setting the house on fire or murdering the neighbours? Oh no. The third was just how desperately happy everyone else seemed to be that I had arrived. Even jovial Varric was looking a little strained.

     “All right, this is ridiculous,” I snapped. “Garrett, Anders, follow me. Now. Varric, it okay we borrow your suite for a few minutes?”

     “Go right ahead, Starlight. Door's open,” he sighed in relief.

     I turned, not looking back, and stomped up the stairs to Varric's rooms, trusting that the shuffling I heard behind me was the boys. When we reached the top of the stairs, I held the door open, waiting expectantly as they slid past me, heads down like recalcitrant children.

     “Okay,” I began, closing the door softly. “What is going on?”

     Bad move as it turns out as the two of them tried talking over the other. I finally had to put two fingers to my lips and blow. The whistle would have broken glass.

     “Cool it!” I cried, stopping them mid rant. “One at a time. Anders, you first.”

     “He was supposed to be watching out for you!”Anders said, face flushed with anger and drink. “We promised each other that we'd protect you. It's our job. And he doesn't seem to care that you almost died today!”

     “Anders, he can't watch me twenty-four-seven, that's just not how things work in real life. I ran ahead to deal with Denarius and he was busy protecting himself and everyone else from the multitude of guards and shades that the magister had.”

     “Then what about what happened with Fenris, huh?” he continued, nonplussed. “Why couldn't he keep that filthy animal's hands out of your chest?”

     Garrett began to respond when I reached out and smacked Anders directly across the face. I was angry. Coldly angry like I hadn't been in years. “Fenris is no animal.” I seethed as Anders slowly brought a hand up to cup his cheek, eyes shocked. “ _I_ stood in the place of that bitch that betrayed him, the one that had the audacity to call herself his sister. It was an accident that was my doing, not his. Do I make myself clear?”

     “Yes, ma'am,” Anders said softly, still cupping his cheek, but with something darker replacing the shock in his eyes.

     “And you!” I turned my ire onto Hawke, who was looking like nothing more than a scared rabbit. “You think that ceremony in front of the Grand Cleric gives you the right o push Fenris away from me? Because if you ever pull something like that again, I swear to God you'll be sporting an arrow out your asshole right quick!”

     Anders sniggered and we both glared at him. Well, we glared for a few seconds before I was giggling along with him, then finally Garrett was laughing and pulling me into a hug.

     “Just promise no more fisting in public okay,” he said huskily, which just sent Anders into another fit of snorting laughter. I wriggled out of Garrett's arms and pushed him to his lover, leaving them to kiss and makeup. Before I had even reached the door they were doing more than kissing. I left the room quietly, headed down the stairs and over to our friends, plunking a sovereign in front of the dwarf.

     “What's this for?” Varric asked.

     “You're going to need new sheets.”

     “Ewww!”


	7. Chapter 7

     I was drunk. I was sooooo drunk. Not tipsy or slightly besotted. I was falling-down-the-stairs-and-blame-it-on-invisible-turtles drunk. I sang songs with Merrill and laughed at the carved wooden phalli that Isabela got me. I cried when Varric handed me my own copy of the book he was working on, all about my adventures with the guys. I hugged Aveline and kissed her on the cheek and wiggled into Sebastian's lap and whispered some pretty dirty things in his ear. Seeing his become aroused and embarrassed at the same time was hilarious.

     I laughed and cried at the same time when Garrett and Anders finally came down the stairs, blissfully happy with each other, and when Varric sent Norah up with fresh linens and an admonition not to touch anything she didn't have to. I kissed them both soundly when they told me that we were going to be picking out a new kitten for the family. And I cried horribly when it dawned on me that Fenris wasn't here to enjoy it all with me.

     They all asked after him, and I explained how he felt and why he stayed away, only to hear Merrill declare that 'that is just silly' and for her to storm off. That made me sad too. Well, sad until the really sensual music started. Rivaini musicians, gotta love 'em.

     At that point Isabela pulled me up from the table and, after holding on until I figured out where my feet were and how exactly they were supposed to work, lead me the centre of the tavern. Without any instruction, she stood behind me, placing her hands on my hips and began to show me how to move to the music. And, oh did it ever feel good. Just to move, to twist and slide and not care about the rest of the world for five fucking minutes. My eyes closed to better hear the music, my movements speeding or slowing along with the tempo. It was liberating.

     And when I opened my eyes and Fenris was there, eyes dark with desire, staring as though I were the only thing keeping him from drowning in a dark sea, I lost what little inhibitions I still might have had. I lunged- or at least I think I did. I could have just tripped and fell on him I'm not sure. All I know is that it got me where I wanted to be, which was with my lips locked on his and my legs wrapped around his waist.

     Thank God that for once he was the sober one because otherwise I might have ended up stripping him down right there in the middle of the bar. As it was, he managed to get the both of us upstairs and into Varric's room before clothing started to come off. And all I could think was that I was going to owe the dwarf another sovereign.

                                      **************************

 

     I woke with the mother of all hangovers, a serious need to pee, and the knowledge that there were more people in the bed than just Fenris and I. I could feel him pressed up behind me, and quite happily I might add, while I was resting against Anders' bare chest, his lips lightly touching my hair. Over his shoulder, so close to the edge of the bed he might fall off with the wrong movement, lay Garrett, just as nude as the rest of us. _Oh my! Just what did I do last night?_

     I wriggled under the blankets, down to the end of the bed- getting a wonderful view on the way- and out to find Varric's water closet. Strangely, I was not surprised to find a notebook and quill on the bench beside the hole.

     Once that particular urgency was taken care of it was 'Where the fuck is my shirt before someone walks in' kind of urgency. Luckily I found it draped across the top of a bookshelf and my breeches under the table. My smalls were...somewhere, but they could wait. Hopefully not long enough for Varric to find them instead of me but whatever.

     I turned back to the bed and smiled. I wasn't sure how it happened, and was pretty damned pissed at myself for having missed it, but all three of my boys were in the bed. Together. And no one was bleeding. Now if it could just happen when everyone was conscious and my day would have been made. It took me a moment of watching before I realized that Anders was not sleeping as peacefully as the others. His face was scrunched up, eyebrows drawn and lips down turned. His fists were beginning to clench and soon he began shaking, quivering with tension.

    _Oh Fuck._

     Right away I knew he was having a darkspawn nightmare. And I had the added concern that I didn't know how Fenris would react to a mage having nightmares. Especially if said mage began to crackle and spark as he sometimes did with magic.

     I climbed onto the bed, heedless of the sleeping bodies to either side, and began shaking Anders as I went. I reached the top of the bed and took a hold of his shoulders. “Hey! None of this, now. We promised, no more nightmares when we're together in bed. Gives a girl a complex.”

     As Anders actually began to thrash more I saw Garrett sit up and place a comforting hand on the mage's chest. I felt Fenris sit up as well, lightly taking a hold of my upper arms. Thankfully, there seemed to be little tension coming from the elf. As I felt the air in the room take on that charged feeling, however, I was sure that would change.

     “Love,” Garrett whispered into Anders' ear, “Come back to us. You don't want to be throwing lightning in Varric's suite now, do you? He'll scream bloody murder about the scorch marks.”

     His twitching became more frantic, the power of his magic making it difficult to keep touching him. “Please, Anders.” I begged. “Please wake up. They can't get you here. I swear!”

     “Mage,” Fenris growled softly from behind me. “Awaken yourself this instant or I will be forced to pleasure myself upon your body.”

     My head whipped around so fast I'm pretty sure I pulled something and Hawke's mouth opened so wide his jaw popped. And what was even more surprising was that it worked! Anders stopped thrashing almost immediately and his eyes fluttered open soon after. “Hands to yourself, elf,” he grumbled softly, reaching up to rub at a temple. Garrett and I could do nothing but laugh and I turned to hug Fenris fiercely.

     “Thank you, Fenris,” I whispered in his ear, loving the little shudder of pleasure he took from it.

     “I understand nightmares. Sometimes you need a shock to escape them.”

     I cupped his face and kissed him lightly. “I would do just about anything to keep them away from you.”

     “I know,” he said, quirking his lips, “And I thank the Maker everyday for that.”

     I could hear the others behind me as we spoke. “Are you all right, love?”

     “Yes, Garrett. I...no, I lie. I'm not all right, but I'll live. Just..kiss me? Please?”

     I don't know what it was but just the sound of the two of them sent a jolt straight to my groin. And Fenris felt it as well, suddenly pulling me in closer, not so much kissing as devouring. I tilted my head as his mouth travelled down my neck, groaning as he bit down, marking me, sucking at the skin. And as I groaned, so did the boys, as though my pleasure fueled theirs.

     Then there were hands, grasping at my shirt, untying my breeches. It felt so erotic, all these fingers, searching, touching me. My hands flailed out, questing for Fenris' length and one of the others. When I found them, Fenris and Garrett both jerked under my touch and Hawke swore softly under his breath. They were both hard and ready, different and yet so very similar, velvet around steel.

     Anders moved to slide himself against the cleft in my ass, nibbling and sucking at the other side of my neck. Garrett began to caress a breast, his other hand I assume busy somewhere on Anders. Fingers, I didn't even know who's anymore, travelled down my stomach, fluttered against my hip, then slipped between my thighs, delving into the heat and wet of my centre. So close, so close already, and then Garrett growled, “Make her come, Fenris.”

     I cried out his name, trapping his hand between my legs as my body tightened and both he and Garrett gasped when my hands pulled at their cocks. Anders moaned at the feeling of my cheeks pulling tighter around him and he pumped once, twice against them.

     Coming down, I could barely protest as they moved, lowering me to lie my back against Anders chest, down upon the bed. It was awkward, yet amazing as the mage used a small, controlled grease spell to coat his fingers and begin probing at my ass. I might have tensed if Fenris hadn't used that same moment to enter me, or Garrett to proded at my lips with his thick member. When Anders moved from his fingers to his cock, all I could think was just how full I felt, how utterly taken. It was difficult to move for Anders, but he managed, rubbing against Fenris through the thin membrane of skin within me.

     At some point Fenris hands left my hips to grasp at Anders', the mage had one hand on my breast, the other fingering Garrett's ass, while Garrett had his fingers twisted in Anders' hair and was pinching at my other nipple. It was too much and had me coming again around them. Fenris was not far behind, followed by a groaning Anders inside my ass.

     When I looked up to Garrett, my stomach dropped. His eyes had gone full black and I knew I had fucked up.

     “Fenris, trust me and don't react,” I whispered, reaching out to squeeze his fingers.

     “Wha-”

     But it was too late. Garrett grabbed me about the shoulders and yanked me from the men, eliciting curses and moans, before throwing me to my back and slamming himself home. It wasn't gentle or kind or artful, it was a deep down fucking. Berserker frenzy at it's finest. I wrapped my legs around his waist to get a better purchase as he gripped my hips hard enough to leave bruises. His mouth descended to my neck, biting down, piercing flesh. Fenris protested at this, but my hand still in his squeezed once again.

     “Let him...uh...let him finish,” I managed to tell the room, moments before Garrett reared up, screaming his end before collapsing on top of me. Moments before the door was flung open, then slammed closed again.

     “Dammit people! Aren't you finished yet? This is MY room, Paragons take you!”


	8. Chapter 8

     “Isabela, honey, silly question, but why are you going through Hawke's mail?”

     “How else am I supposed to learn all the good gossip?”

     “You could always try listening in at the door while we're having sex again.”

     “No. All you ever do is call out for some non-specific God and some guy named Jesus Christ, who I'm guessing was quite popular in the bedroom where you're from.”

     I snorted, covering my smile with a hand as she turned from Garrett's desk with a sultry spin. A little too luscious for my tastes but Damn! Didn't she do good things to a tunic! “Seriously Iz, what's going on?”

     “Well, if you really need to know, since you gave that damned book to the Qunari, Castillon has been after my tail. And I just found out he's in town.”

     I sighed. “Okay, Izzy. We're off to the Pearl.”

     “Wait, what?”

     I had to snigger at her very confused expression. “It's one of those things that I know. His right hand man is currently at the Pearl where he hopes he won't need to use his right hand. We're going to go and 'give' you to him and follow him back to Castillon.”

     “Wow!” She exclaimed, beaming. “I never would have thought of that. This is why I keep you around, to come up with all the good plans.”

     I clapped her on the back, then fended her off when she playfully went for a quick boob grope. “It's okay, Isabela. You have good plans every once in a while. Just...let the rest of us know about them before you implement...so we can take cover.”

                                                ********************

 

      _OW!_ I thought to myself, shaking out my hand. _For all that padding, she has a hell of a hard jaw!_

     I was stalking out of the Pearl, eyes straight ahead, trying for calm, trying for peace, until I managed to find an alcove outside and throw up everything I'd eaten in days. By the time Fenris and Varric joined us, the former gently rubbing my back while the latter guarded the alcove, all I could seem to expel was some nasty bile and a lot of swearing.

     “Are you all right, _carissim_ i?” he asked, solicitous and concerned, helping me move away from the mess I had made.

     “Yes, Fenris. I'm all right,” I tried to smile, though I'm fairly certain it came out as a grimace. “It's just that I'm not that good an actress and my stomach was in knots the entire time.”

     He quirked his lips in a slight smile. Brushing his knuckles across my cheek he said, “I understand. Eventually the tension is too much and has to come out somehow.”

     “They're coming,” Varric hissed in a whisper and Fenris was suddenly there, pushing my to the wall behind me, covering me with his body and nuzzling into my neck. It's funny. Before coming to this world I'd never really thought about things like leather fetishes, but right now... _Oh My_.

     “Okay, there gone,” Varric said, tugging slightly on Fenris' tunic. “...Elf?.. _.Elf_! I'd say get a room, but we've got a job to do here.”

     Fenris heaved a sigh and with one last nibble at my neck, pulled away to face out into Hightown. I giggled and straightened myself, moving up to stand with the dwarf. He looked at me with a waggle of the eyebrows and a smile. “Come on, Starlight. Before the elf decides that you're too delicious to stop eating.”

     I gave him a knowing smile and moved off, spotting Isabela's sparkly trail almost immediately.

     It took forever and we had to fight off a fair number of roving muggers on our way through Hightown, Lowtown then out to the Docks, but eventually we found Castillon's rented warehouse and quay.

     In the game, of course, there's build up, a lot of hot air bandied about by idiots I really didn't want to listen to. Luckily, knowing what was going on and going to be said was an advantage, and instead of waiting and listening, I pulled my bow and shot him between the eyes.

     It was cathartic really. Nock, draw, release. Nock, draw, release. I'd spy someone about to stand on the pressure plate traps and down they would go with an arrow to the chest. Someone would get too close to Isabela or Fenris while they were otherwise engaged, and they'd be sprouting an arrow to the spine or the eye. With Varric nearby to cover what I missed it was like watching music happen. It felt good. So good I was laughing near the end, and truthfully, if I could have gotten away with it, I might have dragged Fenris into a secluded corner.

     Castillon was like bog slime you can never quite get to come off your shoe, but I let Isabela talk him into giving her his ship. It was something I knew she needed to get on with her life. But once Fenris and I had dropped her and Varric off at the Hanged Man, I pulled him aside.

     “Letting Castillon go is a mistake,” I said quietly.

     “Yes.” His eyes flashed, either with anger or anticipation, I wasn't sure.

     “How about we go check out Isabela's new ship and make sure he leaves it the way he should.”

     Fenris' grin was feral, almost evil. “Let's.”

                                                ********************

 

     Castillon was in the captain's quarters, pillaging a small chest at the end of a bed that could only be called 'orgy-sized', and muttering to himself.

     “Damnable bitch. I'll get her, don't see if I won't. This is just a small set back. The other ships hold enough elvehn slaves to fill every household in Tevinter.”

     The growl he heard was dark and deep. “Well, Fenris, what do you say? Do we just kill him now, or do we have a bit of fun with him first?” Fenris merely growled again and took a step toward the man.

     Castillon stood slowly. You could feel the tension coming off him in waves but he tried- oh how he tried- to appear calm. “So, the whore sends her hirelings to finish me off, is that it?”

     I leaned in the doorway, Fenris farther into the room and to my left, arms crossed at my chest, ankles crossed as well, and smiled. “Hirelings? Oh silly Castillon. We are no one's hirelings. Strange as the concept might seem to you, we are her _friends_. And the last thing we want is for you to try sneaking up behind her and slitting her throat one day. So instead, we figured we'd just take care of the problem now instead of later.”

     “So you spread your legs for her and believe you are friends?” Castillon scoffed. Fenris' growl deepened and I felt a little thrill. _You didn't like that, did you, love._ But I just laughed.

     “Strangely enough, none of those that she calls friend have so much as really kissed her. Okay, well Anders has but that was years ago, long before Kirkwall. No, we love her for her, not what she can do. And we'll protect that to the end.”

     The fight was short and sweet, Fenris taking advantage of the tight quarters to get in close tot he pirate and phasing his fist into his chest and out the other side. He died with a grunt and a gurgle, and when we hauled him to the deck and slipped his carcass into the sea, there was barely even that.


	9. Chapter 9

     “That...that... _Bitch!_ ” I yelled, crushing the missive between my hands.

     “What's the matter,” Hawke asked, worried frown marring his features as his eyes drifted from my face to my hands. He reached out and carefully began prying the sheet from my tensed fingers.

     “Meredith is demanding my presence. Demanding! Not asking but demanding! Like she's the Queen of Sheba or something!”

     “Well, I don't know where this place, Sheba, is, but if their queen is anything like Stannard, her people are in deep shit,” Anders joked, coming up behind me and wrapping me in his arms.

     We were in the main foyer, slowly sorting through the tons of mail that seemed to accumulate on the desk there daily. For once I had received mail in my own name, as opposed to the plethora of invitations to that dinner, or this ball- all of which Leandra was more than happy to attend without me. No, instead I get a bloody summons to see the bloody Knight-Commander.

     “I'm not going,” I stated matter-of-factly, much to the surprise of the other two. “What do you mean you're not going?” Anders exclaimed, taking me by the shoulders and spinning me to face him. “You have to go!”

     “Why?” I asked. “I'm not a mage and I'm not a Templar. She has absolutely no authority over me. Why should I go out of my way to have anything to do with her?”

     “Well, she is a political entity in Kirkwall, even more so than Marlowe Dumar. It wouldn't hurt to find out what she wants,” Garrett said, leaning back against the desk, crossing his ankles.

      I pulled away from Anders' grip and watched him join his lover at the desk. “Oh I know exactly what she wants. There was an 'accident' at the Tower and several phylacteries were destroyed.” At Anders' slightly guilty look away I had to smile. “All but three of the mages that escaped were recaptured and she wants me to track them down for her. She thinks they're all blood mages, but really it's two blood mages and an idiot.”

      “Do you know where they are?” Hawke asked.

      “Yeah, or at least where they will be.”

     “Okay then,” he stood, cracking his knuckles with a grin. “We'll just have to go and deal with them before we go talk to Stannard. And we'll make sure she knows that it was all me, so that she's less likely to start digging into your past out of misplaced curiosity. She finds out you don't have one-or Maker forbid, your real one- and she might just have you locked up with the mages on principle. She wants a Hawke to go around doing her dirty work, then she can come to me.”

                                            ****************

 

     “Walter, go and round up the rest of the kids in your care and come over to the Hawke estate in the morning. I can always find more jobs for message runners in the city,” I said, placing a hand on the tall boy's shoulder. He nodded, casting one more quick glance at the body in the corner before gathering Cricket and making a run for it. Sebastian was saying a soft prayer over Evelina's corpse while Garrett and Anders stood quietly nearby.

     I hadn't meant to bring the Chantry Priest on this but, having accidentally run into him in the square outside the house, he just sort of...tagged along. Much to Hawke's chagrin. Strangely, I actually liked having Sebastian with us. He was a calming influence, soothing to have around. Not to mention that he put my own archery skills to shame.

     I still didn't quite understand what Garrett had against him. He tried to explain it once. “You can take the boy out of the brothel, but you can't take the brothel out of the boy. Given the chance, he would use you just as badly as he's used others. I would keep you from that.”

     “What about Fenris? You don't seem to have a problem with him, even after everything that happened between us?”

     “Fenris loves you. Even when fear makes him run, he always comes back. Vael would fuck you and leave you at the curb.”

      “I think you underestimate Sebastian, Garrett.”

     “We'll see.”

     I didn't think this was the whole reason, but it was enough for now.

     We tucked Evelina's body into an alcove until we could send someone to deal with it later. Wouldn't do for one of the kids around here to stumble on it. We then made our way, up out of the sewers and Darktown and into the Lowtown Alienage. Normally in the game you stop and talk to Nyssa but, with the wondrous power of foreknowledge, we skipped that step and went straight to Merrill, asking her to keep a watch for Huon and send up a fiery flare if the blood mage should return before we did. Then it was off to the Hanged Man for a quick dinner of mystery stew.

     It was goat and it was disgusting.

     We sat at the bar, glumly eating crappy stew and scanned the crowd in the tavern. Isabela wiggled a finger from where she was in some strange man's lap but made no move to join us. The regulars were out and about, getting dinner and a drink before heading home to wives and families. Varric was either upstairs in his suite or at another interminable Guild meeting. When, at last, I spotted the face I'd been looking for, I smiled.

     I turned to Hawke. “You boys can handle Huon, can't you? There's something I need to do. I'll meet you at the Alienage, I promise.”

     He scrunched his brows in a scowl almost worthy of Fenris, glancing briefly at Sebastian but nodded. “Fine, but if I get preached at again, his death will be on your hands.”

     I smiled. “Thanks, love.” I leaned back, looking past Garrett to Sebastian. “And Vael? No preaching.”

     “Wouldn't dream of it,” he replied, grinning. _Oh, that voice will be the death of me I swear!_

     I felt myself being pulled in the other direction as Anders grabbed at me and began to softly nuzzle my neck. “Any instruction for me, Sweetheart?”

     “Keep safe. Keep him safe. Don't let them kill each other. Don't let Merrill make friends with the blood mage.”

     “All of that, huh?” he laughed, hot breath pulsing over my pulse and making me shiver. “Well, I'll do my best.”

     Once the boys had left to rendezvous with Merrill I turned to my quarry. Emile de Launcet was a putz. It was the only word I could think of that really encompassed all that the idiot was. He was passed out at the moment, face down into the table with half a tankard of Corff's crappiest ale near to hand. He had the most ridiculous tonsure haircut that, I'm sure, he thought made him look mature but really just made him look like he needed a comb over. What might once have been muscle was turning to girth with the inactivity of a Circle mage's life and the clothing he had retrieved for himself just didn't fit quite right.

     “So what are we looking at?”Isabela asked, slipping silently onto the stool next to me.

      “An idiot that I need to take back to the Circle.” I sighed. “I thought about telling him to just run, but he's bloody useless! Hasn't a fucking clue how to get by on the outside. He'd get himself killed or made Tranquil within the week.”

     “So is that why you had the boys leave?” she asked, grabbing a tankard that was near her elbow and downing it. It wasn't her tankard but the owner either didn't care or had abandoned it as no one complained.

     “Yeah. Anders would have fought me, and if he fought me so would Garrett. Sebastian would have backed me and that would start off a whole new fight.”

     “What is it with those two? Hawke just doesn't seem to want to like the guy.”

     “Who knows?” I sighed heavily, standing away from the bar. “I'm off to talk to the putz. Wanna come?”

     “Oh no, Sweet Thing. I'll just watch here from the sidelines.” she grinned at me, winking.

     “Thanks a lot, Izzy,” I muttered under my breath, making my way to the extremely inebriated Emile de Launcet.

                                  *******************

 

     “Are you a mage? Because you have just mage-icked my heart.”

    _Oh for the love of Christ..._


	10. Chapter 10

     She had the sword. _She already had the God Damned Mother Fucking SWORD!!_ Knight-Commander Meredith was arguing with Hawke, angry that her summons hadn't been answered promptly enough, angry that she didn't get to command us to do her bidding and instead had to accept out word that things had been taken care of. She was even threatening to make Emile Tranquil just so that she would be able to exert at least some modicum of control.

     I didn't care about any of that. I was staring at that damned sword, unable to blink, unable to _breathe_. I could feel that deep, thrumming power inside of me reaching out to the lyrium like a hand trying to caress it and I knew, deep down, that I couldn't let that happen. Not yet. Not now. There was still too much to do.

     With the last vestige of will, I pulled my eyes away and made a Somewhat stumbling exit. Garrett and Stannard, so caught up in their little war of dominance, never noticed. But Sebastian did.

     I managed to make my way to the stairs leading down to the courtyard and sat, head bowed between my knees to combat the rising nausea. It actually hurt, trying to push this power back, and I couldn't afford to suddenly pass out while I was here. As it was, the Knight-Captain, Cullen, approached, presumably to enquire as to my health, but he stopped and turned before reaching me.

     I felt more than heard the Prince approach. He could be stealthy when he really wanted to be, though his time with the Chantry had atrophied the skill somewhat. I sighed and sat up straighter when he sat down next to me, surprised when he gently took my hand and cradled it within his own.

     “Are you well, Lady Selena? You seemed distressed when speaking with the Knight-Commander.” he said solicitously.

     I tried to smile, but I think it came out more as an unhealthy grimace. “I'm fine, Sebastian. Just feeling a little off. Must have been Corff's stew.”

     He patted my hand, then pulled the knuckles to his lips. “You know that if you ever need to talk I am always available. A beautiful woman such as yourself should never be distressed.”

     And, of course, that's when Garrett decides to show up.

     “Hands off my wife, Vael.”

     To say that he sounded angry would be to say that angry people sounded like docile kittens. I looked up to see his face, pale with a thin red line around his tightly held lips, brows deeply furrowed and pupils blown wide.

     Sebastian scrambled to his feet, hands out and placating. “Twas nought but a friendly chat, I assure you my friend-”

     “Don't you friend me!” Garrett was advancing now, making Sebastian back up to keep from being run down. “Too damned handsome by half, could have any man or woman you want, and you think you're going to move in on my wife? I don't think so asshole!”

     The first swing went wide, thankfully, and Sebastian was able to avoid it, ducking low then springing back out of the way. “Please, brother, I meant no harm!”

     “Don't you fucking 'brother' me! You're nothing but an opportunistic shit!”

     Soon it was a free for all melee, Garrett and Sebastian on the ground, one trying to kill the other while Templars came running and patrons were screaming and Varric and I were trying desperately to separate the two of them. Too angry to listen to reason, I was suddenly really sorry I hadn't been paying attention when my little sister had once tried to teach me the Vulcan Neck Pinch.

     I didn't register the hand on my shoulder at first, trying to pull me away, then I shrugged, pushing it away. When it landed again I tried to grab it, pull it away. I was busy dammit, trying to keep one friend from killing the other. Couldn't they see that? The third time it landed hard and pulled at the same time that Hawke jerked backwards, dislodging me. I went flying, stumbling backwards, almost righting myself before tripping on a discarded basket.

     Walls are hard. Especially stone ones when they connect with your skull. And even with the darkness seeping in all I could think was _Not again...._

                                                 **********************

 

  _The green of the Fade seemed less oily and black, the sky lighter, and when I looked up searching for the Black City, it gleamed with gold. Not completely, not yet, but getting there._

_I stood on the cliff, staring down into the green landscape that seemed to be calming with every pulse of my heart, the hooded figure next to me. They were smiling. I couldn't see it but I knew it was there._

_*You are almost finished, Earth Child. Soon. *_

     “What in the name of Andraste happened? “

     “A fight, Ser. We had to take Serrah Hawke into custody. This one was an accident.”

      “Well get a damned healer already, man! What are you waiting for?”

    _I sighed. *It's not that I don't appreciate the magnitude of the task you've given me, but I have to ask. Why me? I'm nobody special. I'm not a hero or anything. *_

_*Ah, but few are special in their own mind. And those that are would be unworthy to take up the mantle of saviour that has been placed upon your shoulders. *_

_*Saviour! I can't save anybody! *_

_*But you have already, have you not? The mage Anders and Justice? You saved them both by returning Justice home. What of the people threatened by the Arishok, or Leandra Amell or the Templar Emeric? You are their saviour, never doubt it. *_

     “I'm sorry, Ser, but that is the best I can do. It will be touch and go at this point. She should be returned home and family gathered.”

     “Brother Sebastian, could you please accompany the litter to see her to her family?”

     “Of course.”

  _We walked the Fade for some time, side by side. Where once the ground was rocky and barren, grasses had begun to grow and far in the distance I could see wildflowers in vibrant pinks and purples._

_*Am I imagining the new growth or is it actually here? *_

_*It is here. In times past, once the City fell, only a dreamer's imagination could bring life. But now, as the people of Thedas feel the lightening of the City of the Fade, they are bringing new life to it's barren landscape. It still comes from imagination, but not only from their dreams. As time goes by and more people truly believe, the more lush and vibrant the Fade will become. *_

_*And what'll happen to the Spirits, the Demons? *_

_The figure sighed, shrugging it's shoulders. *I do not know. They are a jealous lot, angered at my love of you. Whether that will change will be up to them. I gave them free will for a reason. *_

     “What the fuck?!”

     “Anders, please, you must help us. She is dying.”

     “Shit! Okay, upstairs in her room. I'll grab some potions and be right there.”

                                                   ***************

 

     I woke up with the worst hangover headache in recorded history and really annoyed at having been knocked out...again. It was damned pathetic. I mean really, how many times do the heroes in Dragon Age get knocked out...There was after the Joining...There was that one time in Awakenings with the Architect...That's it! That's all I could come up with.

     At least this time I was in my own room. Even with my eyes shut I could smell the Morning Glories that twined around my headboard. I could feel that cool wash of peppermint that told me that Anders was healing me still. I could hear the hushed, expectant voices of my friends nearby. And when I opened my eyes all I could think was _Shit, Anders! You look like crap!_

     His skin was pale, sweaty and looked thin as parchment stretched over bone. Dark circles were forming beneath his closed eyes and he grimaced as though healing was causing him pain. He was lost in his own power, pouring his own life energy into me. Any more and it would kill him.

     “Anders,” I said softly. “Anders, stop.”

     Sebastian and Varric gave a joyful cry and approached the bed, but Anders didn't seem to hear.

     “Blondie, it's good. She's awake. You can stop now,” Varric said happily, but he didn't stop. In fact it felt as though he began to pour more in.

     “Anders, love, please stop,” I begged, reaching out to cup his face. His skin was cold despite the beads of sweat.

     It was Sebastian that finally managed to get through, mostly by grabbing the apostate about the middle and physically jerking him away from me. Anders screamed in protest, but his eyes opened and when he saw that I was awake he collapsed to the floor, shaking.

     I crawled from the bed and pulled him into my lap. He was so exhausted he could barely move. “Anders? Talk to me. Are you okay?”

     “Couldn't let you die,” he muttered softly. “It would have killed me. Garrett would kill me. _Fenris_ would kill me.”

     I chuckled and kissed his brow, feeling the warmth beginning to creep back into his skin. “Garrett be damned, this was his fault to begin with. Fenris on the other hand...yeah, I'd have been a little concerned.”

     It was right about then that I realized that I was in nothing but my smalls in a small room with both Varric and Sebastian Vael. “Um, could somebody maybe help me get him into the bed and then maybe go downstairs so I can get dressed?”

     Varric laughed and Sebastian began blushing with a grin. “Sure thing, Starlight. And we won't be telling Hawke that Choir Boy saw you in your fancy pants.”

     “God No!


	11. Chapter 11

     Garrett spent three days in one of Aveline's jail cells. At first, Meredith wanted to keep him in her dungeon's but, even though the attack took place in the Gallows courtyard, it involved neither Templars nor mages which made it a city matter.

     And Aveline did not go easy on him. For three days it became her favourite past time to go down to the holding cells and berate him for being an idiot. Anders and I visited him everyday, just to listen and giggle while Hawke scowled or pouted in a corner.

     For today, though, I decided that Anders was more than capable of seeing him home on his own and decided to hide away at Fenris' for the day. Currently we were sprawled in the floor by the fire, every pillow and blanket I could find piled up around us as we cuddled. That's right, Fenris likes to cuddle. Who knew?

     It was odd, really. So unlike the Fenris I had gotten to know in the game. Now that we'd gotten past all the hard bits, he seemed to want nothing more than to touch, to stroke at my hair, run his fingers down my spine. It was intoxicating and made all the little hairs on my neck stand on end. When he started touching it set off all those impulses that ended up with me in wet smalls.

     I started slowly brushing my fingers up the tips of his ears, smiling as he moaned and leaned into the touch. I moved in closer, switching my fingers for lips so I could work the clasps of his tunic. Soon we were laying on the floor, him on his back as I straddled him. I loved being able to look down on him, all beautiful lean muscle and the contrast of his olive skin against his markings. He was a sensual creature made for sin.

     I slowly kissed my way down his neck and chest, settling myself between his legs, rubbing at his cock as I went. He moaned my name, hands gripping at the blankets as I went. When his leggings clad member was in front of me I grinned, pulling the leather tie that held them closed between my teeth and dragging them open.

     Stripped to nothing I took a deep breath, marvelling at the scents of leather and lyrium and skin, and I licked my lips before slowly sliding him inside my mouth. He gasped and swore to the Maker, sliding his fingers into my hair. I took him as deep as I possibly could, burying my nose to the base, the salty taste of pre-cum coating my tongue. He was so hard, so close, that when he used my hair to pull my mouth away I was shocked.

     “You are too clothed,” he growled.

     Couldn't have that now could we? I barely had my smalls and sheath dress off before Fenris had taken a hold of my hips and was pushing his slow way inside me.

     “Maker, you are unbelievably tight. And wet.” His voice was guttural, every syllable making me hotter and slicker. I'd never really been one for talking during sex, but Fenris' chocolate over steel voice was quickly changing my mind.

     I looked into his face, saw the strain of holding back mixed with a smile of happiness, and I relaxed into him, flexing around him and almost milking his cock. Fenris' body shuddered beneath me, groaning with every clench and release.

     “Move for me, my love,” I whispered.

     And did he ever. I had to dig my fingers into his shoulders, then scraped down hard against his chest, eyes squinted as Fenris worked himself against me. I was coming before I even realized that I was close, screaming his name.

    1 “ _Etiam! Venite ad me...Irrumabo!_ ” Fenris cried out in Tevene, sliding back to his native tongue when his brain refused to process Trade. He arched, one last hard thrust, his cock was so deep, so hard inside me.

     “Come for me, Selena. I want to feel you once more.”

     I didn't have the breath to scream. It was as though all thought, all life coalesced to the point where our bodies connected a moment before recreating that world ending explosion.

     I heard him cry out my name, felt Fenris bury himself as far inside me as he could get. His first release was liquid fire and I contracted so hard it almost hurt. I collapsed forward, only catching myself at the last moment by hitting my palms to the floor at either side of his head.

     Fenris rolled us over to our sides, his face buried in my neck as we both tried to calm our racing hearts. Air heaved between us, fingers clutching, lower bodies still grinding, trying to pull every last bit of pleasure from our mating. I began to laugh, overwhelmed with release and giddiness. Soon Fenris was joining me, a soft chuckle that I loved to hear from him.

     “You are an amazing woman, Selena,” the elf said softly, kissing me lightly before tucking me in close to his chest.

     I placed an ear over his heart and listened to it's soothing beat. “You're not so bad yourself you know?” My words were slightly slurred with sudden fatigue.

     We lay there curled together, drifting off to the sounds of each others breathing and heartbeats and I realized that I was happy. Well and truly happy as I hadn't been in long years. Even during the good years of my marriage things hadn't been this...complete. I sighed with a smile.

     2“Te amo, carissimi,”Fenris whispered and my smile grew wider.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 Yes! Come for me. Fuck!  
> 2 I love you, beloved
> 
> I used Google Translate as my Latin absolutely sucks, so if it's wrong I apologize profusely.


	12. Chapter 12

     I was having the most amazingly wicked dream. I was on my hands and knees being fucked by Fenris from behind, lurid Tevinter sayings issuing from his lips. Anders was before me, his cock between my lips while Garrett was fucking his ass behind him, pushing the mage into my mouth. It was hot and debauched and sudden Garrett says-

     “I want you to come with me to the mines today.”

     I screamed, jumping and rolling away on the bed. “Jesus Christ, Garrett! Don't fucking do that! And stop laughing at me! I said stop, not laugh harder you ass!” By the end I was laughing along with the braying donkey.

      He was standing by the edge of the bed, bent double, hands on his knees, barely breathing for laughing so hard. I reached out, slapping him on the arm, which of course just made the laughing worse. I couldn't help but smirk. _What an idiot_. He finally fell over onto the floor, clutching at his sides and rocking back and forth with laughter.

      Smiling and shaking my head, I rose from the bed, giving him a light kick in the ass as I passed, and headed for my bathing chamber. After a quick wash, rinsing my mouth with water and mint then brushing the tangles from the night before, I headed to the armoire for clothes and armour.

     It was as I was strapping my blades to my hips that Garrett came up behind me, lightly running his palm down my spine. “We're just going out to do the monthly welfare check on the miners. You look like you're ready for bear.”

     “Dragon,” I said, slipping my quiver belt across my chest.

     “What?”

     “Ready for dragon. High dragon to be exact. And with luck she hasn't eaten all the miners yet and we can evacuate them before it gets bad.”

     “Well, shit.” He shook his head with a grin. “You always bring such wonderful things into my life.”

     I turned to him, reaching up to kiss softly at his cheek. “I try.”

                                          ***************

 

     “What the fuck are you doing?”

     I could barely hear Fenris screaming at me over the roar of Mommy Dearest. The elf was busy trying to distract her from the front while Hawke and I slashed and tore at her wings to keep her grounded and Anders lobbed ice spells and healing. “Helping, what does it look like?”

     “Get back on the ridge with the mage, woman,” he growled, greatsword slashing at the dragon's muzzle, causing her to pull back in frustration. “You'll get hurt here.”

     Twin blades stabbed down into fragile membrane and were pulled back, tearing it and making the beast rear back in agony. “One of the babies bit through my bow. I'm useless on the ridge. I can do good here.” The wing came slamming back but I was able to twist and flip out of the way. I loved the agility of this body. So much better than my old one.

     Garrett sliced across a wing tendon on his side, then deflected a strike off his shield. “Fenris, lay off,” he panted. “She's doing better than us right now.”

     I smiled at that until I saw that Fenris was glaring at his friend instead of watching as the dragon's giant maw descended towards him. I screamed but it was not in time, teeth reaching around and scooping the elf up to fling like a rag doll.

  
    _Shitshitshit!_ I was screaming, I knew I was, just as the others were, but I was also thinking. With her head raised to better shake her prize, there was now better access to her soft underbelly. I looked up at my love and could only pray that the reason he was so lax in her jaws was that he was unconscious. I could hear Garrett on her other side, trying vainly to get her attention, and feel the cool peppermint of Anders' healing working to keep Fenris alive as her teeth tore into him.

     With a deep breath to fortify myself I ran, a horrible joke running through my thoughts _, I saw this in a video game once, but I'm pretty sure I can get it right this time._ She saw me coming and flung Fenris away to land with a terrible crunch and reached for me. Bit she was too late. I slid, blades outstretched above me as I went under her, slicing deeply into her softer hide. She screamed and began to thrash, hitting me with a foreleg as I began to roll out from under her, sending me much farther than intended like a bowling ball, though thankfully not far enough to hit a canyon wall.

     She was bleeding out now, slowing enough the Hawke, after throwing away his shield, was able to scale her head and plunge his sword home. It was a beautiful sight, or at least it would have been had I seen it. I was too busy moving to Fenris' side, nearly running down Anders in my rush.

     At first all I could see was the blood. Anders had rolled him onto his back, face turned away from me, blood pooling thickly beneath him. I fell to my knees and carefully turned his face towards me, causing Fenris to groan. Oh Thank God, he groaned.

     “Selena, I need you to get him out of his armour,” Anders ordered, body alight in healing energy. “I can't assess all the damage like this.”

     I nodded and began working at the buckles and straps, peeling it away and throwing it away in the sand as I went. Once his tunic was finally gone I could see the horrid semi-circle of teeth marks that encircled his side, knowing that the other half wrapped around to his back. They were still oozing blood, two hole actually bleeding somewhat more profusely down low near his hip, though with the help of Anders' magic they seemed to be slowing. Garrett slid down next to his love, a hand resting on the mage's back for support.

     Carefully, I took Fenris' face in my hands, leaning down to rest my forehead against his. His skin was cool, his breath shallow and stuttering. Tears were falling onto his cheeks, streaking the dirt and blood. It took me a moment to realize they were mine.

     “Fenris,” I whispered hoarsely. “Fenris, don't you dare leave me. Don't you dare. I need you. I can't do any of this without you.” I began kissing his brow, his eyelids, his cheeks, feeling the warmth beginning to return. “We have more reading lessons and you promised to read me a story. A good one, not some raunchy friend fic by Isabela either. A real story, a fairy tale. Please, I just...I just need to hear your voice again.”

     “He'll be all right now, love,” Anders said softly, reaching out to stroke at my hair. I looked up to him, vision blurred by tears to see him smiling tiredly. “He just needs to rest. Garrett's going to carry him and we'll go find a place to camp farther down the mountain.”

     I nodded, not trusting myself to speak as Hawke bent down to scoop the prone elf up in his arms. I stood quickly, helping Anders to his feet and to follow behind the warrior. We trudged farther down the path away from the mine for several hours, Fenris twitching on occasion but not waking. When we found a suitable place, a small clearing near a brook, I set out bedrolls and Anders started a small fire. Garrett laid Fenris down carefully and I lay down next to him, pulling him into my arms, smoothing back his hair and peppering him with light kisses.

     Hawke threw himself on another bedroll on the opposite side of the fire, rolling to his side and propping himself up on an elbow. “You okay, there, Selena? Nobody really asked you after the fight. Too busy worrying about the elf.”

     I smiled at him, and then Anders rummaging for food in the packs. “I'm fine. I'm good. He'll live and that's all that really matters, isn't it?”

     We dined on a small meal of hard tack and cheese that night, and slept fitfully by the fire, each wrapped around our loves. Sometime during the night, Fenris turned in my arms and curled in close and I smiled.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a little longer than usual. I had family visiting for a while and then got sick right after. Hopefully things will get better now.

     Waking up in the arms of the man you love can be amazing. Waking up in the arms of the man you love in a bed is better still. I was going to be picking rocks out of my ass for a week!

     He was watching me as I opened my eyes and I could have cried. A part of me, a horrible, depressive part, was certain I would never see those beautiful jade orbs ever again. Instead I pulled him in tighter to my chest and kissed him, trying to show him everything that I felt in the press of my lips. He was stiff for a moment, uncertain and almost shy before he fell into it. And that was exactly how it felt, like falling. That sensation of the world suddenly disappearing away around you and your stomach climbing into your chest. Like being on a rollercoaster and beginning to go down that first hill. It was perfect.

     “All right, you two. Time to eat,” a voice chuckled from the other side of the fire. I pulled out of the kiss only far enough to nuzzle into Fenris' neck and groan. That heavy mix of leather and sun warmed skin and lyrium would someday be my undoing.

     Fenris chuckled and wiggled far enough away to sit up, causing me to groan again in disappointment and sit up with him. I could smell the porridge bubbling on the tripod over the fire and had no interest in it. Porridge and I had never gotten along and now was certain not to become a new beginning.

     When I looked around the campsite and didn't spot Garrett, Anders chuckled as he ladled bowls of steaming goop. “He's gone to find sweetberry bush for you.”

     “Really, I asked, incredulously. “Why would he do that?”

     “Because you hate porridge,” the mage answered matter-of-factly, Fenris nodding along with a mouthful of porridge. “He didn't want you to starve, but most breakfast foods would end up ruined in your pack if you tried to bring them.”

     “You mean you noticed?” I was so damned surprised I was nearly in tears. “I don't think anyone's ever really noticed shit like that about me before.”

     “What do you mean?” Garrett asked, wandering out of the nearby bush, helmet filled to the brim with sweetberries. “You were married, had kids. Don't tell me no one noticed what foods you don't like.”

     I tried to smile for them and reached out for the helmet. “Not really. My husband, James, would always ask me why I never cooked things like cauliflower or brussel sprouts or baked beans. And every time I would have to remind him that I couldn't stand them. It was worse after the accident and I would have to tell him three or four times in a row. My own mother would continuously make egg salad for me as a kid, even though the egg yolks used to give me migraines. Don't get me wrong! I know my mom loved me, but the information wasn't really important to her because it had nothing to do with my sister”

     The boys exchanged a look and Fenris reached out to rub circles along my back. “Eat your berries, _carissimi_. Hawke will be needing his helmet back.”

     “Shit, yeah,” I giggled, taking out a small handful and popping them in my mouth. Some of the juice dribbled out and Garrett kneeled and leaned forward to lick it away. He looked saddened and when I cast a glance at the others I saw that, they too, looked mildly upset.

     “It's okay, guys. I swear. It never really bothered me all that much. I used to do most of the cooking anyway, so I could make what I wanted.”

     Hawke kissed my forehead before standing once again. “That's not really the point, Selena.”

     Anders came up behind me and kissed the top of my head. “They should have been paying as much attention to what you did and didn't like as much as you did for them. Your desires are just as important as anyone else's. Remember that.”

     Well, dammit, now I _was_ crying, wrapping my arms around Fenris' waist and leaning into his shoulder. “I love you, too, guys.”

     With a clap and a laugh, Garrett said,” Well! Anders and I are heading back to the mine maybe find survivors and catalogue the names of the deceased. Maybe get our hands on some of those dragon scales for new armour. Fenris is going to need another day of rest and you, beautiful lady, get to be his bodyguard.”

     Fenris growled at this but I just chuckled, picturing all the wonderful ways I could 'guard his body'.

      Anders, apparently reading my mind, just smiled and shook his head, taking a last swallow of porridge before taking up his staff and moving to Garrett's side. “Nothing too strenuous, love. He lost a fair bit of blood yesterday and that takes time to come back from.”

  _Well, shit. That was a sobering thought._ Anders waved to us as they walked away, Garrett tugging at his hand and muttering about 'alone time'. As soon as they were no longer visible, Fenris pulled me into his side and began to kiss at my neck.

     “Oh no,” I giggled, pushing at the handsy elf. “I need to clean the breakfast dishes and have a bath. How cold do you think that brook is?”

     Fenris made another grab at me but I rolled up and out of the way. “Very,” he grumbled softly and I laughed, gathering up the dishes and moving towards it's banks.

     He was right, the bastard, not that it really mattered. The dishes needed cleaning before the goop became more like cement and we were both still filthy from our run in with the dragon. Fenris came up behind and took half, stating that the sooner they were done, the sooner we could be clean. It was nice, doing such a simple chore together. Simple and domestic. So very unlike the way my life had become since arriving in Kirkwall.

      I'm not really sure what came over me as I was finishing the last bowl, but suddenly I reached out with a cupped hand, and sent a large splash of water racing for Fenris' face. He was shocked to say the least, sputtering and trying to wipe the water from his face. And boy, did I laugh! In fact I was laughing so hard I never saw the mischievous glint in the elf's eyes until the moment when he grabbed me by the shoulders and tossed me in, clothing and all.

      _Holy Fucking Cold, Batman!_ Coming off the mountains, the early summer thaw was fucking freezing, let me tell you. I came up, sputtering and gasping for air, my breath having been pushed out by the freezing temperatures, teeth already chattering. Fenris waded out to help me to my feet, laughing as he wrapped his arms around me.

     “Guess we'll have to get you out of those wet clothes, now won't we?” he purred, licking a line of water up my cheek.

     “You know we're still not clean yet, right?” I asked with a sigh, melting into his arms.

     “After. If we washed now, we'd just have to wash again anyway.”

     “Well, if you're going to be practical about it.” I giggled, slapping playfully at his arm to let me go.

     We made love slowly under the bright sun and clouds. Later we lay in each other's arms, talking about everything and nothing, holding each other as we cried and laughed and cried once again. I showed Fenris how to spot shapes in the clouds and marvelled at the wonder of doing something I had been doing as a small child.

     By the time Garrett and Anders returned, Fenris and I had prepared a simple supper bread and cheese and fire-warmed jerky. We helped the men get clean and fed them, listening as they talked about the mine and freeing a group of trapped men from within. It didn't seem to dawn on them until much later that Fenris- brooding, anger-filled Fenris- was helping to feed and wash and listen to them. Like a loved one.


	14. Chapter 14

     “How would you feel about going to Orlais?”

     We'd been back from the Bone Pit for a week now and so far so good (knock on wood). Fenris spent his nights here at the estate more often than not and we had even managed to spend one night all four of us in the 'big bed'. Tonight, Fenris was curled up on the sofa reading, slowly but carefully, through a book on elvehn history while Anders was at a nearby desk working on a potions list for the clinic. I, on the other hand, was being horribly lazy, flopped down on the rug before the fire on my stomach, dangling a piece of yarn before the face of my name day gift, a grey tabby kitten that I had named Warden.

     Anders, at least, got the joke.

     Garrett followed up his question by coming into the room waving a thick piece of cardstock with gilded edging, awash in curling calligraphy, smiling like an idiot. Distracted by the goofy looking warrior, Warden managed to grab the yarn from my fingers while simultaneously catching finger tips as well, ripping into the flesh like the world's tiniest little lion.

     “Dammit!” I yelled, immediately sucking on the bleeding digits and scaring the kitten under the sofa. All three men moved towards me but I shooed them away. “Just a kitten scratch, guys. Nothing to get all worried about.”

     Fenris smirked and settled back down in his seat while Anders tried to coax Warden out into the open. Garrett just threw himself next to me on the floor and thrust the card in front of my face. “Look! We can get out of Kirkwall for a while! It's some kind of hunting party at a chateau in Orlais. Some guy named Duke Prosper sent it.”

     I rolled onto my back, taking the invitation and holding it up to the firelight. “Prosper...Prosper...where do I know that...Oh!” I finally remembered. “That DLC, Mark of the Assassin! I remember now! Only played that one a few times, didn't upgrade my game until a couple of months before...well, you know.”

     Fenris and Garrett both straightened, turning wary. Anders was busy cuddling my kitten. “Assassin?” Fenris growled softly.

     “Actually, the assassin in this case is a friend you guys haven't met yet. Now that I think of it, the other assassin you can meet is a friend too. How about that?” I smiled. “Varric will come over in the next couple of days with some info for a job or something, but it will be an ambush by some Antivan Crows- a new cell I'm thinking because they kinda suck- and she'll swoop in to your rescue and convince you to take her with you to the Duke. He's the real bad guy in this particular story, trust me.”

     “You know, you can be very confusing,” Anders said with a chuckle, scratching Warden behind the ears. My traitorous little kitten was purring happily.

     “Yeah, I know,” I replied, sucking lightly on my still bleeding finger. All three men shifted slightly and I grinned. “Wish I could remember who sent the Crows. Somebody from Act one...”

     “What-?” Garrett began.

     “Before you went to the Deep Roads. The game is set up like a play or one of Varric's books- Act one, Act two, Act three. Act one ended when you returned from the Deep Roads. Act two with the death of the Arishok.”

     “What about Act three?”

     I smiled and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. “Spoilers.”

     As a River Song impression from Doctor Who, it was terrible. I am more than willing to admit it.

     “So, Hawke,” Fenris began, setting aside his book, “will you be attending this hunting party?”

     “I don't know,” he said, beginning to chew on his bottom lip. “I mean, we never really had a proper honeymoon and I really would like to get out of this shit hole of a city for a while, but if what Selena says is true and Prosper is not to be trusted, I just don't know.”

     I stood and kissed the top of Garrett's head. “Why not wait to decide until you meet the assassin, Tallis? It's not integral to the game, but you might decide that you like her enough to help her out.”

     “I doubt it,” he grumbled softly.

                                                   ****************

 

     Chateau Haine was not actually in Orlais, but on the western slopes of the Vimmark Mountains. It was only _owned_ by an Orlesian, the Duke Prosper de Montfort. It was beautiful and wild and wooded, reminding me of my childhood summers spent with my grandparents. I loved it.

     Garrett was still grumbling. And I was laughing at him.

     We were the strangest little entourage heading out of Kirkwall. After meeting Tallis and choosing to help the elvehn Qunari, Garrett decided to turn the trip into a giant family gathering as opposed to a honeymoon, so all our friends were in attendance as well as Leandra, Bodahn, Sandal and even Orana. A carriage had been rented and was currently occupied by Leandra, with Orana acting as her maid, as well as Isabela and Anders with little Warden on his lap. Izzy refused to sit a horse and Anders was currently just taking a break, switching off with Merrill whenever the little Dalish decided she'd had enough. Bodahn and Sandal were driving a cart filled to the brim with household items that I would never have thought were necessary, but Leandra insisted we bring. Trunks full of clothing, large pavilion style tents and collapsible furniture to put in them. And rugs, for God's sake! Honest to God rugs for the ground in the tents. Spirit was currently also in the cart, acting as guard and sentry. Later he would go on the hunt with us but for now he was panting happily to see the scenery go by.

      The rest of us were mounted on a myriad collection of mares and geldings, acting more as bodyguards for Leandra than as nobles that were invited. Tallis and Hawke rode at the front of the procession, Fenris and I behind them. Aveline and Sebastian had opted to ride at the back of the train, acting as look out for any bandits on the road. Merrill was currently racing her small bay mare around the group, relishing the wind in her short ponytails, laughing at how the little bay was so similar to the halla that her clan used to work with.

     We could see the chateau now, as well as a group of mounted men coming towards us, a greeting party as well as guards, in case of bandits or poachers.

     “Bonjour mes amis!” a well dressed, slightly over-stuffed looking man called out from the back of a shaggy dun mare. “Bienvenue à Chateau Haine!”1

     Much to the others amazement I replied in their own tongue. “Bonjour! Ci c'est Garrett Hawke de Kirkwall, accompagné de son entourage. Duc Prosper l'attend.”2

     “Bien sûr!” the large man said laughingly, clapping his hands. “Je suis son sénéchal, Benoît. S'il vous plaît nous suivre.”3

     “Mais oui, Benoît. Plumb sur.”4

     I gestured for the men to ride before us, leading the way to the Chateau. We rode in silence for a bit before Tallis turned back to face me. “I didn't know you spoke Orlesian, Selena,” she grinned. “A nifty skill to have.”

     “Neither did I,” Garrett said softly and when I looked to him I could see how dark his eyes had gotten. So apparently Hawke had a thing for other languages. Something to remember for...later.

     “My father's side of the family was...Orlesian” I caught myself before I could say French Canadian, thank God. “I needed to be able to say enough to converse with his side of the family.”

     “What other languages can you speak?” she asked, giggling at the look on Garrett's face.

     “A smattering of Antivan, about enough to get myself in trouble. Merrill's been teaching me a bit of elvehn and Isabela has given me a few lessons in Rivaini, but I don't want to use these in polite company until I'm sure she didn't actually teach me how to get a guy in bed. Oh! And a bit of Tevene, but more formal than would be used everyday.”

     “Wow,” she said, facing back towards the road. “Maybe I can teach you a bit of Qunlat before we part company. Just to sort of round out your education.”

     I laughed. “Sure, why the hell not? Maybe I can add some new swear words to my repertoire.”

     Fenris leaned towards me. “Or maybe some other, more useful words. For when we're...alone.”

     “Mais bien sûr, mon amour. Bien sûr.”5 I whispered back, watching his and Garrett's spines shiver and hearing Tallis laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 Hello my friends! Welcome to Chateau Haine.  
> 2 Hello. This is Garrett Hawke of Kirkwall, accompanied by his entourage. Duke Prosper is expecting us.  
> 3 Of course! I am his seneschal, Benoit. Please follow us.  
> 4 Yes, Benoit. Lead on.  
> 5 But of course, my love. Of course.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW!!!! Gotta love the smut!

     I disliked almost every Orlesian I met on sight. Oh, not the servants. They were generally the nicest, sweetest people. But the damned uppity nobles, or the seneschal who tried to cover his contempt by being too boisterous, they drove me nuts. And now we had to sit through a stupid dinner with a bunch of stupid nobles and Leandra better appreciate that I didn't reach out with my dinner fork and stab somebody and embarrass her.

     The lucky ones were the members of our party acting as 'maids' and valets'. They got to stay in their rooms and not be subjected to this crap. Well, actually, most of them were out mingling with the Chateau's servants, getting the skinny on the people here.

     Seated at the table, mostly spread out to better get to know other members of the hunting parties, were myself- d'uh- Garrett, Leandra and Sebastian as Prince of Starkhaven. On Leandra's insistence, Anders was with us as well, and Fenris was standing behind Garrett's chair, against the wall, acting as his personal bodyguard. Other men and women were spread along the walls in similar positions, including a chasind standing behind the Duke himself.

     By the time dessert was being served I was close enough to committing murder that Sebastian surreptitiously reached across the table and stole away all my sharp utensils. He understood just as I did the insults that were being spewed at Garrett and his family, 'Dog Lord' and 'Turnip' being some of the nicer ones. Finally I just couldn't take it any more and begged our host for leave from the table, stopping only briefly to whisper in the ear of the asshat that was seated next to me.

     “Garrett est dix fois plus honorable qu'un enfant qui lance des insultes derrière une autre.”1

     Watching the pompous ass turn white and then purple was the absolute best part of the night.

     Not wanting to leave me to my own devices, considering how seriously pissed off I was feeling, Anders and Sebastian escorted me to my rooms, the Prince moving on to the room he shared with Varric with a smile and a quick kiss to my cheek. But even kisses from handsome Princes wasn't going to make me happy tonight.

     Anders held the door open with a grin while I growled at him. “What are you so damned happy about?”

     “You're adorable when you're angry. Especially when it's on someone else's behalf.” He reached out and twisted a finger into a curl by my cheek, tugging at it lightly.

     “Cute, huh? I thought maybe it was because of the way you reacted to the way I spoke your damned Orlesian,” I replied with a smirk. His eyes widened slightly and I could feel how well he responded. I wanted to reach out and rip away fistfuls of clothing from his form, but Leandra had had us all primped out in silks and satins for dinner and I didn't want to ruin anything. Instead I slid a hand up to cup his cheek, his head dipping down to watch me with hooded eyes.

     “I do find the idea of you speaking another language just a bit...arousing,” he said in a hushed voice.

     “Jusque un petit peu? Peut-être il ya une manière que je peu le changer.”2

     Seeing the mage's eyes close and his body shudder was well worth the horrible dinner. I pulled him down towards me, laying soft kisses to his cheeks, his eyes, forehead and lips. I never really realized how much taller he was to me until I tried to kiss him. If I ever tried without tilting my head, I think I might reach his clavicle.

     I carefully began unbuttoning the velvet doublet he wore as he fumbled with the ties to my corset. I huffed a laugh against his lips and pushed his hands away before continuing with my work. “Pas çe soir. Not tonight, Anders. Let me take care of you for once, okay?”

     He nodded, moving his hands to my hips while I continued to remove his clothing. Soon I had him down to nothing but his breeches and smalls, manoeuvring him over to the bed. One thing I can say for the Orlesians is that they have absolutely beautiful furniture. The bed was huge, a canopy style with thick velvet curtains, the posts carved in twisting coils and the head and footboards adorned with bas-relief oak leaves and acorns. Matching curtains covered the wall of windows and a similar rug was near the fireplace. A wardrobe stood in the far corner, a mate to the bed, that we had decided not to use in favour of our own chests. The height of the bed was just perfect for Anders long legs to sit comfortably when I pushed him back, but I had to make use of the little stool that was nearby for just this occasion. Anders snorted a laugh when I growled at it.

     The laughter fled when he reached out to lightly caress my cheek with his fingertips. I was never quite certain how it happened but the next moment we were pressed together, mouths eagerly seeking one another. I rolled onto my back, bringing Anders with me, his fingers threading through the pins and curls in my hair, his hand seeming impossibly large on the back of my head. My mouth opened, tongue sliding along his as it advanced.

     It was a long moment before Anders pulled away with a shuddering sigh. His mouth travelled along my cheek and down the line of my jaw. I worried for a moment about Servants entering, or possibly Leandra, though that vanished soon after his tongue darted out to taste at my neck. My arousal was actually becoming almost painful in it's need. My thighs parted, bracketing one of his as he lay above me. I gasped when he shifted, adjusting his position slightly and putting more pressure upon my sex in the process.

     “Are you all right?” Anders asked breathily. Meeting his eyes, I deliberately rocked against him, watching his pupils dilate in response. He wedged his thigh more firmly against me, ground against me, and I mewled softly in pleasure.

     “Like that do you, love?” he whispered as my eyes slid shut and I lifted my hips again, seeking more.

     “Mon Dieu, oui...”3 I sighed. I could feel his hardness pressing against me as he gave another push with his thigh. I pushed him off slightly to finish unlacing the ties to my corset and his fingers slipped beneath, thumb stroking across my nipple. I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out, pressing hard against his hand. When I felt the first tingles of electricity from his fingers I shook my head. “No, love. Not tonight. No fancy tricks, no magic except for what you can't control as I take you. Tonight I just want you to relax and feel.”

     He looked confused for a moment. “It...it's been so long since I haven't used magic in the bedroom, I'm not sure...” His head bowed, nervous for the first time in years. I smiled and reached up to kiss him lightly upon the lips. He peeked at me from behind his hair and smiled.

      I tugged at the ties for my wrap-around skirts and pulled them away, then took his hand in mine. I guided it down my belly, then buried my face in his shoulder as his fingers began exploring my slick folds. “You know what to do, Anders, just don't use magic to get me there. Just let go and _feel_.”

     It was a slow, languid build up, but still intense when I came over his fingers, thighs clamped around his wrist, back arched in pleasure.

     Slowly I opened my eyes and Anders was staring down at me, light from the hearth and bedside candles flickering over his face. He was gazing at me in wonder, mouth working as though trying to find words. “That was...”

     My fingers brushed at his lips. “Only the beginning.” He kissed my fingertips, then the palm, then finally his head dipped down to capture my lips and I opened up to him, welcomed his probing tongue as he grew bolder, more demanding. I could feel him, hard and insistent and slipped a hand down to cup him through his breeches.

     “Oh dear Maker...” Anders tore his mouth away as he pushed against my palm, reserve losing ground to need.

     Watching his eyes, I began unlacing his ties, slowly and deliberately, drawing it out as he lay there, tense and trembling in anticipation. We sighed together as my fingers dipped inside and wrapped around him. Without hesitation he pumped into my hand.

     “Sweet Andraste...” he growled into my hair.

     “Let go,” I whispered, watching him as intently as he had been watching me. “Just let go.”

     Groaning, he surged into the sheath formed by the ring of my fingers and palm, I squeezed, feeling the wide ridge pull back through my hand before pushing out again, the loose sheath of skin aiding the glide of his shaft against my palm.

     “Selena...” Anders breathed my name. Gradually the tempo of his hips increased, becoming less controlled. And still I watched him. I could feel the moment when he finally gave himself over to his need completely, when control was lost. His hand shot down and captured the head of his cock and he gave a strangled sound as he gave a few more quick thrusts and shuddered.

     “Maker's breath, what you do to me...” he panted, slowly opening his eyes. He withdrew his hand and glanced around, looking for something to wipe it with. I caught his wrist and brought it to my mouth. He gave a soft, surprised squeak as my tongue darted out to capture the seed that was leaking between his fingers. But he opened his palm to me and I cleaned it with long, sensual strokes. I made love to his hand, drew his fingers one at a time into my mouth and sucked them clean. I smiled when he flinched ticklishly when my tongue flicked between his fingers.

     All the while he watched, enraptured. No one had ever really done this sort of thing for him before, just took care of him without thought to their own pleasure, especially through his magic. Not even Garrett.

     Releasing his hand, I smiled up at him, for some reason feeling a little self-conscious. He was watching me with such intensity it was a little disconcerting. But Anders merely kissed me, tasting himself on my lips and tongue and sighing agreeably. With a grin I rolled him over onto his back and wiggled him all the way out of his breeches, and made sure that my own skirt and corset were off the bed and out of the way. I was old enough to remember Bill Clinton and that semen on silk left horrible stains.

     Beloved Warden stamina had him already hard and ready by the time I was done, so without preamble I straddled him, easing down onto his cock as he groaned in pleasure, hands drifting to my hips. God, did he ever feel good, thick and hot like velvet over steel. Any remaining hope of control was lost when I was completely seated and he surged upwards, deeper than I'd ever felt him. I keened, whimpered at how he felt, almost too good, just this side of painful.

     Eyes closed, hands gripping tightly, feet planted flat to the mattress for leverage, Anders pushed into me, deeper, farther than he ever had before. Suddenly I could feel a breath of cool air against my hip and around my butt cheek. I looked down at his hand and saw the tendrils of blue magic drifting along my skin, but when I looked back at his face, it was obvious that he had no idea he was doing it. He was finally really letting go, not holding back in any way.

     What I felt wasn't really a healing spell, it wasn't focused enough for that, but more like the basis for where all his spells started, the primal core of his magic. And the fact that it felt, tasted like healing spoke volumes about the compassion and kindness of his soul. I laughed and bathed in the feeling of it. The magic stretched and sought along my skin like fingers and soon was brushing along my breasts and between my legs. That chilled, tingling feeling against my pearl had me writhing against him and we came together, light from his power bursting across the room.

     I collapsed against him and we lay there for some time, panting harshly as we tried to regain ourselves.

     “What-?” Anders tried to ask, still unable to control his breath.

     “That is what happens when you don't try to control your magic during sex,” I whispered, smiling into his skin. “It still comes out, but in beautiful, glorious ways.”

     There was a momentary pause before he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. It didn't matter that we were sticky and sweaty and that I was still completely over his chest. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss in my hair. “Thank you. No one's ever...Just thank you.”

     “Your welcome,” I said, returning his hug before drifting off to sleep, listening to his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 Garrett is ten times more honourable than a child that hurls insults behind another's back.  
> 2 Just a little bit? Maybe there's a way I can change that.  
> 3 Oh God, yes...


	16. Chapter 16

     What roused me from my stupor was the sound of metal shod feet. Vaguely, as though reaching through a veil of thick fog, my brain registered that Fenris went barefoot, Garrett wore soft soled boots to dinner and Anders was still in bed with me.

     “Are you sure this is the Hawke?”

     “Yeah, I'm sure. This is the Hawke's room with his wife. Man and woman in bed, therefore Hawke and wife. Just get his legs and let's go.”

     It was like there was a heavy blanket smothering everything, body and mind. Slowly, as Anders body was pulled away from me it registered that there were two men in the room, dwarven accents, taking Anders away from me. I lifted my arm towards them, as though held down by a great weight. I tried to tell them no, but I think all that came out was a soft grunt.

     “Shit! The wife's moving!”

     “All that matters is the Hawke. The poison you gave her will keep her down.”

     I couldn't let them take Anders. He was mine, mine dammit! I gritted my teeth, fighting off the effects of whatever they had dosed us with, more to him than to me obviously. My hand slipped under my pillow to grip at the utility dagger I had hidden there.

     I fought to sit up, blade clutched tightly in my fist, to face our adversaries. There were actually four dwarves, two of them silent, Anders' naked form being hauled like a sack of grain between two of them while the other pair flanked. Upon seeing my with my small blade, the guarding pair drew axes and took a fighting stance.

     I knew I had no chance against them as I was, completely nude and armed only with a knife really only meant for cutting meat, so I did what any self-respecting damsel in distress would do in this situation. I screamed my bloody head off.

     The pair carrying Anders dumped him unceremoniously to the floor before rushing towards the open door to our balcony, the other two walking backwards with weapons to the ready. I could hear the rush of feet from down the hall coming towards us but I wasn't about to let these assholes get away. I rushed from the bed towards them, stumbling slightly from a light wave of dizziness, knife held before me as though it were my long blades in my hand.

     “He's mine,” I growled, a sound Fenris would have been proud of. “He's mine and you can't have him.”

     Apparently the drug that these dwarves had given made me completely lose my marbles because I lunged at them. Four grown dwarven men, at least two of them armed, against a very naked and mostly unarmed me. And considering I could barely move my limbs I made a pretty good accounting of myself too. By the time people began to arrive I had managed to knock one of the axe men into his two unarmed comrades and was wrestling with the other.

     I knew I was screaming at them, repeating again and again that Anders was mine and they couldn't have him, but even when Fenris wrapped me in his arms and pulled me away from them, I just couldn't seem to stop. I'm going to blame whatever the dwarves had dosed me with. It wasn't hysteria, not at all, why do you ask?

     I didn't really come back to myself until sometime later, cradled in Fenris' arms on the side of the bed, now covered in a robe, Anders being seen to by the Duke's physician while Garrett hovered nearby. The rest of our friends were with Leandra in her rooms awaiting word.

     For now, Fenris was whispering in my ear as he slowly rubbed at my back, trying to still my shivering. “Bene, carissimi. Anders adest, adsumus omnes. Tuti sumus. Omnus incolumes.”1

     “Fenris?” I whispered against his chest. “Is he okay?”

     The elf pulled back slightly to get a better look at me. “Yes, _carissimi_. He is safe because of you. The physician is here just to be sure that the sleeping draught that the two of you were given works its way out of his body.”

     I nodded, trying to sit myself up straighter, only to be pulled from the elf's lap and down almost to the floor, held tightly in Garrett's arms, his face buried in my neck and hair. If I didn't know better I would almost say that...yes. Yes, my big strong warrior was crying into my hair. I slid my arms around his neck and held him until he was coherent once again. The hiccups towards the end were kinda cute.

     “Maker! I don't...” he stopped, trying to gather his wits as he pulled back, eyes still red and glistening. “I don't know what I would have done without him. Without either of you. Thank you, Selena.”

     “He's mine,” I said softly, brushing wetness away from his beard, then scratching at it the way I always did to make him laugh. He smiled slightly and that was enough. “He's mine the way that you're mine or Fenris. And nobody takes what's mine.” I tried to put a little growl into that and it made Garrett chuckle. Just the way I wanted.

     At that moment the physician cleared his throat and Hawke and Fenris helped me up off the floor, the larger man's cheeks tinged just a little pink as though caught doing something he shouldn't. The elder physician just smirked, knowing all about young love.

     “Your friend will be fine,” the man said, waving an arm over Anders' prone form. “He's just sleeping off the sleeping draught he was given. Either Lady Hawke was given substantially less or has a stronger system and was able to burn it off quickly. That she woke in time to stop his kidnapping is nothing short of a Maker given miracle. Now don't try to force him to awaken, let the poison work it's own way through. And your lady should get back to sleep as soon as she's able.”

      I nodded, a slight wave of dizziness letting me know that I wasn't completely free of the sleeping potion I'd been given. “I'll try, Ser. Thank you.”

     “Of course young lady,” he smiled at me, gathering up his sack of potions and equipment and making for the door. He turned back to Garrett, “The Duke has been informed of what's transpired and I'm sure extra guards are being posted around the estate and to your rooms as well as those in your party.”

     “Thank you for letting me know,” Hawke nodded in return, holding the door for the physician. The man patted him on the arm and made his way out into the hall, the door closing behind him.

     The moment the door closed, Fenris came up behind me, swooping me into his arms before carefully depositing me back on the bed. “You heard the doctor. You must sleep.”

      I struggled, trying to sit back up while Fenris' hands held my shoulders down. “Not yet!” I cried. “I need to tell you...something.” I was fighting more than just the elf's hands. The potion was rearing it's ugly head now that adrenaline was no longer in the picture. It was getting harder to string my thoughts together, but I needed to tell them. “They...the dwarves...they thought he was...Hawke. Kept saying they were here for...the Hawke.”

     My lids were too heavy now, I just couldn't keep them open a moment longer, but I could hear what the others were saying to each other. Both were agitated, angry. I couldn't seem to remember why.

     “What does she mean they were after you?”

     “I don't know, Fenris. I mean, they were a bunch of Carta dwarves, at least according to the insignia on their armour. I haven't pissed off the Carta in weeks, at least not enough to have them traipsing out here to the Vimmarks after me.” I heard him sigh and could imagine his hands raking though his hair. “I need to go talk to the others about what's happened. Could you-?”

     “I will stay and guard them both. Do not fear.”

     “Thank you, Fenris. I'll be back as soon as I can.” I heard the door open but before Garrett could leave, Fenris spoke once again. “We will finish with this job for the Qunari as soon as we can, then we will hunt these dwarves that dared to hurt Selena and our mage, Hawke. I swear this to you.”

     Our mage. I smiled as I finally succumbed to sleep. I think we were finally rubbing off on the elf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 It's all right, beloved. Anders is here, we're all here. We're safe. All safe.


	17. Chapter 17

     Breakfast started as a cheerful affair that turned somber pretty damned quick. Anders woke groggy, confused and a bit sore from his fall to the floor, having been drugged while still abed asleep. He had absolutely no recollections beyond falling asleep with me in his arms. Learning what had happened had him taking me in his arms and kissing em soundly, calling me Hero. Well, until I punched him in the arm and told him to cut it the hell out.

     Everyone save for Leandra, Orana and the Feddics gathered in Garrett's rooms to cheer my supposed bravery in light of my nakedness. I told them they were all a bunch of idiots while blushing beet red and Anders' smile widened at the image. Coffee and tea were brought up, as well as croissants, slices of petit pain and a selection of jams. I immediately missed my sweetberries.

     As breakfast progressed, the men all seemed to feel the need to pace the floor while Isabela, Merrill, Tallis and I were crowded along the edge of the bed. Aveline had posted herself beside the door, acting as a sentry in case of another attack.

     “Okay, guys,” I started, trying to get their attention as they stepped past, crossing each others' paths, muttering to themselves. “Guys! GUYS!”

     It was Isabela's whistle that had them halting in their tracks. “Thank you,” I whispered.

     “No problem, Sweet Thing. Anytime” she smiled.

     I turned my attention back to the others. “Okay. Now, I know most of you are trying to figure out how to get out of this job that we've agreed to for Tallis. Let me tell you right now, that's not happening.”

     “Thank you, Lady Hawke,” the Qunari elf said quietly, head bowed but with a smile on her lips.

     “I told you, it's Selena and don't worry about it. I know how important this job is and needs to be finished.”

     Tallis' head whipped up, a frown now upon her lips in concern. She had no idea that I knew what she was really after and I wasn't about to tell her. I just smiled and returned to the guys.

     “Garrett, I need you to go with Tallis on the wyvern hunt. Make the Duke think you're here for nothing more than a good time. And take Anders and Fenris with you.” My hand shot up to halt the denials that were about to escape all the opening mouths. “You're going to need another fighter and you may end up needing a healer as well. I would feel better if you took them with you. It's not like I'll be without protection here.”

     Hawke sighed, looking defeated and somewhat angry about the current turn of events. “Fine, but I want to get this done with as soon as possible. I can't believe I'm saying this but I want to get you back to Kirkwall as soon as I can.”

     “And what'll we be doing here while the big strong men are off killing poor defenceless animals,Starlight?” Varric asked, eyes twinkling.

      “We'll be doing a bit of reconnaissance around the chateau. Wander the gardens and the halls, pretending to get lost, making sure there's a way for people to get in during the party after the hunt.” I smirked, knowing that, if all went according to my other plan- the one I wasn't about to tell Garrett about- then none of that would be necessary.

     Soon enough, Hawke, Anders, Fenris and Tallis armed and armoured themselves, heading off to meet the other hunters out in the foothills around the chateau. As soon as I was sure that they were gone and wouldn't be back for some time, I sighed. “All right, people, now let's get to the real work.”

                                              ******************

 

     We were a party of four rogues and a mage making our stealthy way up to the Tal-Vashoth camp. It took some time to explain what it was we were actually going after, and even more time to convince Aveline to stay at the Chateau and guard Leandra. I loved the Guard-Captain but she was rubbish at clandestine stuff and for this I wanted as much stealth as possible.

     We found the camp easily- mostly because I already had a general idea of where it was- and got into position. It was too early for the Tal-Vashoth, Salit, to be meeting with Duke Prosper yet, so the scroll we needed would still be here in the camp.

     Varric and Sebastian were positioned on a ridge overlooking the camp, ready to cover our asses if need be. Isabela and I were closer to the camp, hiding in the brush until Merrill began the distraction. I was starting to get a cramp in my thigh, crouched as I was and hoped that the Dalish would start soon. Suddenly we heard it, the unmistakable roar of a dragon coming from nearby. Ah, Merrill. Very clever. The Tal-Vashoth came pouring out of their tents, rushing headlong towards where the noise was coming from, moving to kill it before it could cause damage to their campsite. Izzy and I watched and I spotted Salit, coming from his tent more sedately than the others, but still going to join the fray. I didn't see the scroll on him.

     “Okay, Izzy, your turn. The tent that last guy came from.” I nodded my head in it's direction. “You remember what you're looking for?”

     “Sure thing, Sweet Cheeks. Large scroll, gilded finials. List of names and cities. Get it and get out.”

     The pirate winked at me then stepped into the shadows, disappearing before my eyes. I shook my head with a grin, moving closer to the tent to watch for returning Tal-Vashoth. “I really need to learn that.”

     Far off in the distance I could hear swords clashing and angry shouting and I had to wonder exactly what kind of trick Merrill had used to cause her distraction. Whatever it was it really seemed effective, I had to hand it to her. After a few more moments, Izzy was back at my side, surprising a little squeak from my lips, much to her amusement. She handed me a scroll and I took a quick peek. I smiled and rerolled it. “Perfect Izzy. Now let's get back to the others and get the fuck out of here.”

     We grinned and giggled like idiots as we ran up the ridge to meet the guys. As soon as we did, Sebastian would be shooting an arrow up to signal Merrill to make a run for it and meet us at the Chateau. But when we got there, Merrill was already with them, chatting amiably with Varric while Sebastian scratched at his head in mild confusion.

     “Oh, Selena! There you are! You'll never guess what happened! I was all set to cast a vine wrap spell and start hitting a few of their guards with it to get the camp's attention and suddenly a dragon landed and started yelling at them! And all those big horned men started yelling too and running at it and trying to kill the poor thing and all it wanted was to scare them out of it's territory. The poor dear. I wonder if she had babies nearby.”

     Isabela was laughing, Varric was laughing, even Sebastian had begun to chuckle. I just stood there, dumbfounded. A dragon. A dragon had come and distracted the camp for us.

      _Well fuck_.

                                         **********************

 

     We made it back to the Chateau long before the hunting parties. Leandra and I were having scones and laughing at some of the horrible things that Garrett had done as a child when he and the others came in, dirty and sweaty and covered in nettles. The relief on their faces was palpable when they saw us sitting at the small table in his mother's room.

     “So,” I began with a giggle. “How did it go?”

     “How did it go?” Hawke scowled. “How...did it go?! I have wyvern guts on me! If some stuck up shit calls me turnip one more time I'm going to shove said tuber straight up his-”

     “Garrett!”

     “Sorry Mother. I just want a hot bath and a good meal and to go home, but I've still go this damn job to finish.” he sighed in resignation and I reached out to take his hand.

     “Well, about that. I kind of skipped a few steps and already procured what Tallis was after.”

     The elf in question, hidden slightly behind Anders' robes, poked her head around him to look at me. “Wait, what?”

     I stood, collecting the scroll that had been beside me on the table. “We both know that 'the Heart of the Many' was never a jewel, Tallis. It was a list, a scroll containing the names of Qunari members, past and present, across Thedas. And their families. The Tal-Vashoth, Salit, was going to sell it to Duke Prosper for Empress Celene. It would have meant the deaths of thousands.” I looked down at the scroll in my hand, sunlight from the windows glittering on the finials. “Before I give it to you, I need to know. What will you do with it, Tallis?”

     “I will give it to the new Arishok. This is information that should only be in his hands, not mine or anyone else's.” she replied, matter-of-factly.

     “And what about if I decide to keep it?” Everyone in the room tensed at this but I weaved for them to be still.

     “I will kill you. I am an assassin after all,” the elf replied jovially.

     I laughed and handed her the scroll. “Can't have that now can I? The guys would get upset and my dressmaker wouldn't know what to do with herself.”

     Tallis nearly flung herself at me and kissed me on the cheek. “Thank you, Selena! You have no idea how important this is! To the Qunari, to me.”

     “You'd be surprised there, Tallis,” I chuckled, pulling the little elf away before my big bad protectors could intercede. I could see by the way Fenris had begun to glow that it was a near thing. “Now why don't you get your things and head out back to wherever you came from. The rest of us have a party to attend.”

     Leandra and I laughed when Garrett moaned.


	18. Chapter 18

     The trip back from the Vimmarks was relatively quiet. A couple of small bandit attacks, a bereskarn that looked more scared and confused than angry. A night where Leandra insisted on sleeping in the carriage instead of in the Inn because she swore the fleas were eating her alive. Quiet that was until Merrill asked if we could veer off up to Sundermount to check on Keeper Marethari.

    _Fuck!_ With the repair of the Eluvian I had completely forgotten about Marethari taking the demon into herself! I mentally face palmed.

     “I don't know Merrill,” Garrett was saying, looking tired and grumpy. “I need to get mother and the others home. Poor Sandal has been out of his element so long he's starting to get antsy.” I looked over at the young dwarf to see him running around in circles with Spirit. Antsy indeed.

     Merrill looked so forlorn that I just had to intercede. “Actually, Garrett, I'd like to talk to Master Ilen about a new bow. I still haven't replaced mine after the dragonlings ate it. But not everyone needs to come with us. Why don't you take your mother home with Anders and the others. Merrill and I will be fine.”

     “Oh no,” Fenris said, stepping his horse forward to join us as we rode. “You are not going anywhere with... _her_ by yourself.” Merrill stiffened as he said that and I scowled at him, though he seemed to ignore it. “I will go with you.”

     “As will I,” Sebastian piped up from behind us. “I would like to see the differences between a Dalish bow and my own. Perhaps give you a hand in choosing a new one.”

     I think Garrett might have been almost ready to acquiesce until Sebastian opened his mouth. Instead he stiffened and turned back to glare. “I'd rather you came home with us, Selena. Go up Sundermount another day.”

     I sighed. I adored Garrett but sometimes his jealousy of the Chantry brother was really annoying. “Garrett Hawke, are you trying to forbid me from going with Merrill to visit her clan?” I tried to put a little of my mother's voice into the question, the one set aside for misbehaving children.

     Immediately his shoulders slumped and he sounded contrite. “No, Selena. I'm sorry. If you want to go then go.”

     I reached across the space between our mounts and lightly touched the hand resting atop the pommel of his saddle. “Would it make you feel better if I told you it was one of 'those things'?”

     He turned to face me, eyes hopeful. “Is it?”

     “Yes.”

     He looked me in the eye for a long moment before nodding. “Okay. Go with Merrill, save the world. Just make sure that Fenris keeps an eye on mister handsome.”

      I snorted, patting his hand before pulling away. “He can't very well be watching you while he's with me now can he?”

     “Oh, ha ha.”

                                                **************

 

     A few hours after splitting from the others we stopped to set up camp for the night, deciding to leave again at first light to arrive at the Dalish for mid-morning. While the boys went off to hunt down dinner- Fenris to flush the game, Sebastian to shoot it- Merrill and I set about laying out bedrolls and getting a fire started.

     “Lethalin, can I ask you a question?”

     “Of course, Merrill, though to be honest, you just did.”

     I smiled as she worked through that sentence, then watched as she smiled. “Oh, that's very clever! May I ask you another question after this one?”

     “Yes, Merrill. Ask away.”

     “You love Hawke, love him enough to marry him.” She plunked herself down on the ground by the fire, crossing her legs and bringing her knees to her chin.

     I looked the little elf up and down, a little confused “Well, yes. Though that's not a question.”

     “I know. But you love Fenris and Anders too. How? How do you love so many people all at once?”

     I settled myself across the fire pit from the elf, watching her with mild concern. She actually seemed slightly distressed, watching the flames dance instead of looking at me. “I'm not really sure how to explain it, Merrill. In a way I'm lucky in that I got to get to know all of you before we really met. Even though I couldn't interact with you the way I really wanted, I could at least watch your lives and get to know all the little things that made you you. And over time I fell in love with some of the things that you all did, some of your ways. Garrett's need to use humour to diffuse a situation, your sweet innocence and spine of steel. Anders' compassion and Fenris' resolve.

     But more than that, I fell in love with your flaws. Garrett's humour can sometimes be wholly inappropriate. Anders sometimes has trouble seeing past his fear and hatred of the Templars. You, my dear, can be terribly naive about certain things, and Fenris...well, Fenris is having a difficult time learning just how to truly be free. He's trying, but it's a long and painful process that I'm glad to be a part of.

     You all have pieces of my heart. Hawke, Fenris, and Anders have slightly larger chunks than the rest of you but you still have your shares.”

     “I think Fenris has a larger share than you let on, lethalin,” Merrill giggled. “I've seen the puppy eyes.”

     “He does have puppy eyes, doesn't he?” I said softly, still smiling. “And, yes, I'm sure I do too. The thing with Fenris and I...it's funny. As I was playing the game, I wanted to take him and hold him and keep the ravages of the world away. I wanted nothing more than to protect him. But here...here it's more than that. I know I can't protect him from everything. He needs to go out and experience all that life has to offer and all I can do is sit back and hope that he'll want me in his life when all is said and done.

     Being with the boys is wonderful and I'm certainly sexually attracted to them,” I laughed when Merrill blushed at this. “But being with Fenris feels different. More complete. Like when I'm with him I'm home.”

     “Oh!” the little elf exclaimed. “You are a mated pair! He's the other half of your soul!”

     I thought about it for a moment. “I...Yes. I think you're right.” I'd never really subscribed to the idea of a soul mate, but it seemed to be the only thing that fit.

     “I hope I find my mated soul some day,” she said wistfully, looking up into the stars and I had to smile.

     “I'm sure you will, Merrill. I mean, how could someone not absolutely adore you?”

     “Oh, I don't know. The Keeper always said I was just too flighty, too up in the clouds to make a good match. I needed to be more grounded.”

     “Someday you will find a partner that is just grounded enough to keep you floating up in the air to your heart's content.”

     “Do you really think so? That would be just lovely.”

                                     ******************

 

     Later that night, safe behind Merrill's wards and full on roasted rabbit and summer greens, everyone was tucked away in their bedrolls around a banked fire, I sleepily watched the flames slowly dying down, Fenris' warm body pressed to my back, arm about my waist and nose pushed into my hairline. His warm breath was soothing against my spine, a calming influence to my thoughts.

     All evening I had been mulling over the things that Merrill had said, about soul mates. The more I thought about it, the more certain I became that she may be right. I had been in love before, probably more than my fair share over my life, but never had I felt the way that I felt with this beautiful elf behind me.

     As though he could hear the thoughts in my head, I felt Fenris tense slightly. “Selena?” he whispered.

     “I'm all right, Fenris. Just thinking loud thoughts I guess.” I patted his hand in an attempt to reassure.

     “What about, _carissimi_?”

     “Mainly about how much I love you.”

     I could feel him pause against my spine, freezing like a deer caught in the headlights. He was always so surprised when I said things like that, especially when sex wasn't involved, as thought he felt that we wasn't deserving or was something only said in the heat of the moment. I didn't blame him really. I'm sure Denarius had said similar things to him over the years, only to cause him unbearable pain soon after.

     “I...I don't know if I can...”

     “It's all right, Fenris.” I turned over so that I was facing him, reaching out to cup his face in my hands, gently rubbing a thumb over his cheek. His eyes were wide and glazed with tears. “I understand, my love. And I understand, better than you think I do.”

     “I...If there is a future to be had, I will walk into it gladly at your side.”

     My heart swelled, hearing that one piece of dialogue that always tore at my heart. “And what if there is no future?”

     “Then I will traverse the Veil to find you to have you at my side.”


	19. Chapter 19

     I knew there was a problem the moment we came within view of the camp. It was that buzzing, tingling pull of whatever energy still resided somewhere within me, leading me farther and farther into the centre of the Dalish group. I could hear their harsh whispers, a few startled shouts, see the green light beginning to reflect from my eyes and skin onto their armour.

     It was a horrible feeling, having my feet dragged onward no longer under my own conscious power, straight for Marethari. I could feel Fenris and Sebastian to either side of me, confused but stalwart in their confidence in me. Merrill was following up behind, whispering assurances to her people, which of course they were ignoring, seeing as how they came from Merrill.

     She stood by the centre fire, back to us, spine straight and arms crossed. She was as she always appeared, but I could still feel the.. _.otherness_ in her. She turned and smiled, and even the others could see it now. Her eyes no longer held that light of love, her smile feral. The boys drew their weapons much to the dismay of the camp.

     “What can I do for you, da'len?” she said, all pretence of the caring Keeper.

     “You know why,” I said, surprised that at least my mouth seemed to still be my own. “You need to leave her now. If you go voluntarily, I can make it easy and painless for you.” I knew it was a useless offer, but I had to try.

     The creature wearing Marethari's skin chuckled, and it reverberated around the camp. The elves behind me gasped, some drawing their weapons while others were ushering the small and elderly away to safety. I could hear Merrill's entreaties that the others only take action if there was no other way. I smiled. Someday she would make a wonderful Keeper.

     Without a word from me, having worked together long enough to know exactly what to do, Sebastian moved back to find high ground with the other Dalish archers while Fenris stepped out to stand with the flanking swordsmen. Merrill came up to stand by my side.

     “Keeper, please,” she pleaded. “Why did you do this?”

     “Because a price needed to be paid, da'len,” Marethari answered, her voice her own for the moment. “I chose to pay it.”

     I laughed derisively. “You are a fool, Marethari. Had you taken a few moments to get to really know your First, you would have learned that we were weaning her off the blood magic, and that she no longer needed the demon to fix the mirror. Really fix it, purify it off the taint that killed Mahariel and Tamlen. But your own pride sent her away, turned the clan against her, kept you thinking that only you knew best.”

     A voice, deep and guttural chuckled from Marethari's throat. “And it was her pride that let me in. Even more prideful than the little one. And all these others. So much pride. Such a feast.”

     The elderly Dalish began to glow and I knew it was now or never. I didn't think I could help her if she changed over completely, but now, the seconds before the shift, she was vulnerable. I reached out and grabbed at her wrist, pulling her closer, other hand going to cup her cheek. My fingers began to glow, green light reaching out to meet with the black mist that was seeping from her pores. And when her eyes widened in shock and fear I knew I had her.

     The light grew, became blinding. I could hear the elves crying out in anger and dismay, though whether at my treatment of their Keeper or at the vision of the Pride demon that now stood behind her I couldn't tell. The world was starting to darken and I knew I 'd be passing out soon, but I had to hold on, just a little longer. Marethari fell at my feet, unconscious or dead I didn't know, and my hands were now resting on the demon. My muscles were straining, my heart pounding faster than I'd ever felt. My chest hurt with it, my brain was screaming at me to let go, but I just couldn't. This was so much harder than with Justice, the demon's hold on this world so much stronger.

    “I will not go,” the demon hissed at me. “My foothold is too strong. You can not force me.”

     I smirked at the monster and gathered what was left of my will. “That's just your pride talking.”

     I pushed with everything I had left. Green light, bright as lightning, flashed throughout the camp and I could feel that split second of time when the demon was pulled back into the Fade. It was as though the world paused, took a deep breath in relief before starting once again.

     The demon was gone, vanished as though it had never been. I could hear, as though through a tunnel, the astonished and angry cries of the elves behind me, but they didn't really matter. Darkness was quickly overtaking my vision and I knew I would be passing out any moment, but I needed to know. I slid to my knees and crawled over to the Keeper, meeting Merrill at her side.

     The mage had turned her over onto her back, fingers placed at neck and wrist. She smiled and turned to me, “She lives, lethalin.”

     I think I smiled back, though really I can't be sure. I do know that strong arms caught me before I fell, the smell of sweat and leather and lyrium filling my senses, letting me know that, no matter what, I was safe.


	20. Chapter 20

     No matter how many times I say it, it still holds true. I am sick and tired of waking up in strange beds. _I should not hurt so much without fighting an ogre or six,_ I thought to myself grumpily. _And why does my mouth taste like an ashtray?_

     Cracking my eyes open _very_ slowly, I learned that the light didn't hurt quite so much as the last time, thank God for small mercies, and that I must have been in one of the _arravels_. Set up kind of like the trailer my parents had had as a kid, the walls were of an interesting red wood that curved in a seamless line. I was in a small bunk, mattress filled with straw and aromatic grasses. And strangely I was alone.

     Struggling to sit up, muscles aching, I could hear a multitude of voices outside, some raised in merriment while others argued. Apparently people were happy at having their Keeper saved I guess, or any excuse to party. The angry voices were coming from right next to the arravel. At least two men, one of which sounded like...shit! Anders. Which meant the elves had sent a runner back to Kirkwall.

     I managed to get myself up and out of the bunk, noting that somebody had absconded with my armour and left me in nothing but a small shift and my smalls. Looking around I couldn't see them anywhere, not even a pair of breeches or some water to rinse out my mouth. Oh, I was not a happy bunny. I was going to go out there and give those people a piece of my mind. Slowly. With a minimal amount of effort.

     Fuck my head hurt.

     So it was that I stumbled to what I correctly perceived was the door, using whatever walls and furnishings I could reach to hold myself upright to do so. I attempted to fling the door open- after several seconds of trying to remember how to turn the knob- though I'm fairly certain that it was already in the process of being opened from the other side and that's the only reason it moved at all.

     “Lethalin!” Merrill cried, shrilly, though that could have been the thrumming pain between my ears. “What are you doing out of bed? Get back in there this instant!”

     She wrapped her arms around me and guided me back to the mattress. I don't think I'd ever been happier to smell straw in my life. “Anders is here?” I managed to croak out.

     “Yes,” she said with a small smile. “As soon as they found out what happened here, they turned right around and came running. Garrett and Anders, Isabela and Varric, even Aveline. All came charging in on their horses right into the middle of a celebration. Boy did they ever look mad! Even madder when they found out you saved the Keeper. That was so amazing, lethalin! I don't understand how you do it, but I'm so glad that you did. The Keeper is thinking of retiring now, naming me as her new Keeper. I don't know if that will work, most of the clan still doesn't trust me, but it was nice of her just the same-”

     “Merrill,” I interrupted, though it wasn't much more than a whisper.

     “Oh! Yes, lethalin?”

     “Water? And Anders?” It was all I could get out, my eyes starting to close once again.

     “Yes! Yes, sorry. Right away.”

     I didn't hear the little elf scurry away, or the boys enter, waking to the cool peppermint of healing magic running through my limbs. I smiled, opening my eyes, only to see a couple of scowling faces hovering over me. _Well, fuck._

     “How are you feeling now, love?” Anders asked, words not really matching the anger of his tone.

     I grimaced, sitting up and swinging my legs off the bunk, forcing both him and Garrett to back up. “Better, thanks, Anders. Anybody know what happened to my pants?”

     Hawke swung a pair of leather breeches towards me. They weren't mine but at least they would cover my legs. He continued to glare daggers at me as I pulled them on, wobbling only once and righting with Anders' help.

     Finally I just couldn't take it anymore. “All right, Garrett, what? What do you want to say to me that has you so tied up in knots?”

     Instead of the tirade I was expecting he grabbed my shoulders and kissed me, fierce and hot, pulling back only far enough to rest his forehead on mine. “Why?” he whispered, voice hoarse. “Why do you do things like that? It seems to get worse every time. One of these days it's going to kill you.”

     “The same reason you go out and kill bandits and blood mages. Because it's who you are. You could die too, you know,” I answered with a soft laugh. “I don't really control it anyway. It comes when it comes.”

     Anders placed hands on each of our backs and leaned in to give me a light kiss on the temple. “Could you at least tell it to take a break for a while? Between you and the Keeper I'm out of power for a while.”

     I pulled away from Garrett and smiled at the mage. “I'll do my best, handsome. What do you say to getting out of here and checking out how everyone is doing? Sounds like they're having a party out there.”

     And they were. Bonfires had been lit in several places around the camp and bunting had been found and strung between many of the _arravels._ Musicians had pulled out their lutes and pipes and small hand drums, playing happy tunes that had children screaming and the youths pounding their feet.

     Fenris spotted us first, drawing me into his arms and burying his face into the crook of my neck, breathing deeply. “ _Festis bei umo caravanum_ ,” he muttered softly.

     I giggled. “Not today, my love. Not today.”

     When he pulled back- not far, never far- others began approaching as well, giving thanks, even a few gifts. Foodstuffs, carvings and herbs. One small boy handed me a piece of rose agate, her 'purtiest rock'. I laughed and told him it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, thanking him for thinking of me. He ran away, bragging to all his friends that I had spoken to him.

     Eventually, long after the sun had set and the moons risen, Keeper Marethari left her arravel and approached me, leaning heavily on the arm of a hunter. She looked so much older, more drawn, but was smiling wider than I had ever seen.

     “Da'len,” she began, taking my hand. “Thank you. Without you, my clan would have...”

     I pulled her in to my chest for a light hug. “It's all right, Keeper. Just promise not to make any more deals with strange demons, okay?”

     She chuckled softly. “Of course, lethalin.”

                                        ********************

 

     Garrett, at first, wanted to throw me over his shoulder, get on his horse and ride away, but Anders and Fenris convinced him that trying to ride down Sundermount in the dark would get us both killed and me really pissed off. Instead we stayed for the party.

     We were given a log near the central fire to ourselves and some cushions to rest our 'poor shemlen butts', as Merrill put it. We laughed and ate and watched the children dance. And once it was time for all the young ones to head off to the Fade, we cuddled as we watched the older dances, the more sensuous dances. We were given wooden tankards of thick elvehn mead and rich venison, the gamey meat offsetting the heavy taste of the honey drink.

     As I watched the bodies of people as they danced, I could feel the heat spreading up into my face and down into my groin. They were so damned hot! Without realizing what I was doing, my hands had begun drifting, one to begin rubbing circles over Garrett's thigh on one side of me, and straight for Fenris' groin on the other. From their loud gasps and straining erections, I had to assume they were as turned on as I was at the moment.

     I vaguely heard Merrill speaking with Anders. “Have you been drinking the mead?”

     “Y-yes Merrill,” Anders stuttered, weaving slightly on his seat.

     “Mythal's blessing, you four need to get inside. Now! Before you embarrass yourselves!”


	21. Chapter 21

     The next morning, by the time I was able to extricate myself from the tangle of naked limbs on the _arravel's_ floor, found a pot to piss in -gross by the way- and gotten myself decently dressed, the camp was in full swing outside our door. Towards the paths leading farther up the mountain, a group of hunters were preparing their packs and weapons. To the other end of the camp, a group of young woman had the youngsters well in hand with what looked like what might have been a history lesson, the children all sitting in a semi-circle around them. And around the _arravel's_ , men and women were cooking and cleaning, laying out laundry and just generally living. It was beautiful.

     Varric and Aveline were seated on logs near the now-banked central fire, nursing steaming mugs of...something, while Isabela happily snored away on the ground by their feet. Both looked to be nursing nasty hangovers, but I wasn't about to call them on it, seeing as how mine was screaming obscenities about elvehn mead. Merrill was nowhere to be seen, probably off with Marethari somewhere, but Sebastian was chatting amiably with Master Ilen, a group of Dalish longbows on the work table near his _arravel._

     Vael looked up and, seeing me, waved me over. “Selena! Come! You're in need of a new bow, why not let's see if we can find you one?”

     I smiled, approaching the two. There was the only man I could think of that could say 'why not let's see' and have it sound right. I swear it had to be the accent.

     “Good morning, lethalin!” Master Ilen beamed. “Your friend has been talking to me non stop all morning about my ironwood bows, certain that you would find them adequate. I'm hoping I have something that might suit you.”

     “Oh, Master Ilen, your bows are amazing!” I exclaimed, getting a good look at them. And they were, made from the best pieces of ironwood and beautifully carved and crafted, all I could do was stare at them and drool. “Sebastian, help me out here would you? Your better at this than I am.”

     Vael chuckled. “Well,” he said, running a hand lightly across the pieces on the table before stopping before a particular bow. “If I had to choose for you, it would probably be this one.”

     What he pulled up was slightly smaller than its compatriots on the table, but still longer than my whitewood bow, finished a deep red and carved with twinning vines. I ran my hand lovingly along it up to Sebastian's hand. “I don't know, Sebastian. It's a little bigger than I'm used to.”

     “Nonsense!” he exclaimed, reaching into a belt pouch for a bit of cat gut. “Let's get it strung and then I'll show you haw to shoot something this large.”

     Maybe it was the after effects of the mead but I couldn't help hearing the innuendo in that sentence. When I started laughing, Sebastian just started looking at me strangely for a moment before it dawned on him and he started to chuckle as well. “Not really what I meant, and I think you have more than enough large things to worry about in that regard.”

     Well, if that didn't just make the laughter worse. Soon I was trying to catch my breath, tears running down my face. I knew it wasn't really _that_ funny, but I just couldn't seem to stop myself.

     “All right, that's enough of that,” Sebastian scolded with a smile. “I have the bow strung. Come take it and let's see you stance.”

     Still giggling and breathing a little off, I took hold of the bow and pulled as I would have my whitewood. The draw was a little stiff, harder than I was accustomed to and when I loosed one of Master Ilen's practice arrows at a nearby target, it hit well below the mark.

     “You're going to need to learn to pull for a heavier bow.” Sebastian said, moving in behind me. He used his foot to further separate my legs and placed his hands over mine, drawing the string farther back and raising my sightline slightly. “Widen your stance, and remember that the weight of the bow will try and drag down your arms. Aim just slightly higher than you're used to.” He shuffled slightly, hair brushing across my face, and I got a good whiff of his scent, sandalwood incense and the oil he used to keep his strings supple. It was a heady mixture. _Oh my_.

      And, of course, that would be when Garrett came out of the _arravel_.

     I didn't hear so much as feel the earth shake from his roar of anger. The world seemed to freeze for a moment, everyone turning to see Garrett Hawke, hair dishevelled and barefoot, shirt half buttoned and hanging loosely from his pants, literally foaming at the mouth. _Oh fuck._

      He came running towards us like and angry bull. No- he ran at Sebastian. The Chantry brother turned with his arms up, side-stepping towards an area that wouldn't see them wrestling in the middle of Master Ilen's weapons or hitting anyone by accident. And that was exactly what was about to happen. Garrett was going to throw himself at Sebastian and pummel him, heedless of the cries of anyone around him.

      I could see Anders and Fenris coming out of the _arravel_ behind him, trying to grab him before he charged but they were too late. The behemoth of a man sped away from them, much quicker than he looked, heading straight for Sebastian with rage filled eyes. There was really only one thing that could be done at that point.

     I tripped him.

     I stuck out my foot as he barrelled past, catching his ankle, causing him to completely miss his footing and fall to his hands and face. Heedless of the burgeoning pain in my foot I then jumped on his back to hold him down.

     “Garrett!” I screamed in his ear. “What the fuck, dude? Chill the fuck out!”

     He continued to buck and growl, trying to throw me off, so I did what any self-respecting person who used to watch wrestling as a kid would do. I wrapped my legs around his torso and slipped an arm around his neck, placing him in a sleeper hold. Which of course did absolutely nothing. Stupid childhood.

     In my periphery I could see that several things were happening. The children had been scuttled off to one of the _arravels_ , out of the way of the big scary man. The hunters had their weapons drawn, ready to fire if needed. Marethari and Merrill had come out and were starring, dumbfounded. Aveline, Varric and even Isabela were also ready to attack, though they were facing the hunters, not us. Fenris had come and pulled Sebastian away while Anders was now on his hands and knees in front of Garrett's face and was speaking soft, soothing words to him. Slowly, as the darkness bled away from Garrett's eyes, I could begin to understand what he was saying.

     “She's mine, Anders. Not his. He can't have her. I can share with Fenris, he's important, and I can share with you because I love you. But not him. Never him.”

     Anders cupped Garrett's face and leaned in awkwardly to kiss him. I released my hold on the man so that he could raise up and make it easier. “He's not trying to take her, love. I promise. Trust me. Trust _her_.”

     I rolled off of Garrett's back and hobbled away from them. I knew that Hawke was going to need my reassurances soon, but to tell the truth I was pissed. Like, really pissed. I'd already been with a jealous husband and really didn't want to have to deal with it again. I hobbled my way towards Fenris and Sebastian, and they came to meet me halfway.

     “Are you all right, _carissimi_?” Fenris asked, wrapping his arms around my waist.

     “Yeah, just...you know,” I kind of waved my arm back towards Garrett.

     “Yes, I know,” he said softly, drawing me into a hug. I breathed in Fenris' scent and immediately felt better.  

     “What about you, Sebastian?” I asked, pulling back reluctantly. “How are you doing?”

     “Ah'm all right, lass,” he said, brogue thickening. “Though I cannae understand what Ah did wrong.”

     Fenris shook his head. “It's not you, my friend, but him. He fears that you will take his wife away from him. He sometimes lacks confidence when it comes to his love of her.”

     To say I was surprised would be an understatement, though really I shouldn't have been. Fenris was an extremely perceptive, brilliant man, but he rarely spoke out until recently. It was always a wonderful surprise.

     At that point Keeper Marethari had joined us and we gave our apologies and promises to make our way from the camp as swiftly as possible. We didn't want any more issues out of Garrett after all, though Merrill would be staying for a while, to reacquaint herself with the clan. Whether it would be permanent or not was up in the air.

     I spent most of the ride back to Kirkwall with Varric, partly because he was a terrible horseman and needed someone nearby to push him back on the saddle every one once in a while, and partly because I really didn't want to talk to Garrett or deal with Aveline's angry frowns right about now. Admittedly, most of her frowns were for Hawke, but just one turned towards me would have had me biting her face off. To his credit, Varric told enough stories and jokes throughout the trip to have me giggling at least.

     Eventually, Isabela joined us, looking as though she were actually doing rude things to her horse as opposed to ride it. “You don't need all of that,” she stated.

     “All of what, Izzy?” I asked.

     “All his damned drama.” She waved a hand up to the front of their party where Garrett was riding slumped low in the saddle, Anders occasionally reaching out to caress an arm or his back. “He has to learn that you are your own woman and can make friends with whoever you want to.”

     Thankfully, Varric jumped in and answered for me. “It's hardly ever that simple, Rivaini. Hawke's had nearly everything taken from him over the years- dad, brother, sister, home. If it weren't fro Starlight he'd have lost his mother too. He's scared to death that it's all too good to be true and that she'll disappear on him, like everything else.”

     “Well, damn it all, Varric. Way to bring down my anger.” the pirate said with a smile.

     I just shook my head. _Yeah, me too._


	22. Chapter 22

     Things were relatively quiet, yet strained for a few days after our return from the Dalish. I opted to spend my nights in my own rooms away from Garrett for a while. I know it was kinda petty and not very nice, but I couldn't really bring myself to care all that much. Fenris stayed with me most nights, though we rarely did more than cuddle, and Anders for one night when Hawke was off killing bandits or some such. I felt bad about Anders, being pulled between us, and tried to make the night somewhat memorable for him.

     Tonight I was alone, the boys having gone off to help Grand Cleric Elthina and to meet with 'Sister Nightingale'. Such a sneaky girl that Leliana. Knowing that both Hawke and Sebastian had to be there for that one, I had decided that adding me to the mix and the possibility of Garrett losing it would just be a bad idea.

     It was late, very late, when I woke with a start, hands reaching under my pillow for Speed and Agility. I had begun sleeping with them near me at all times after the Chateau. I lay still, tense, trying to figure out what had woken me so abruptly. And...there. Someone else was in the room, breathing just a little heavy. I pretended to roll slightly in my sleep, turning my head and slitting open my eyes. In the moonlight from my window I could just make out two figures, short and stocky. Dwarves.

    _Fuck! And it's just me, Leandra and the servants in tonight._

     I took a quick stock of the situation. Thankfully I had decided to sleep in my smalls tonight instead of nude, and the blankets weren't too badly wrapped around me so I could get out of the bed quickly. There appeared to be no noises coming from elsewhere in the house so either these were the only two or no one had made a move yet. I was armed but not armoured so I was going to have to try and stay out of the way of blades and bows. _Well, fuck. I guess I'm screwed._

     Deep breath and...launch! I jumped from the bed, blades already moving. The dwarves advanced as one, several others now pouring into the room through window and door. I had gone from two to eight in a matter of seconds. _Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ Blades whirling I managed to keep them from hitting me, but it was a close thing. The room was too small, too packed, for me to find a good defensible position. I was literally surrounded. I hissed when blades got through and scored hits to arm and leg. Nothing too serious but it showed me just how bad off I really was.

     I began focusing my attacks at the dwarves nearest the door when I heard commotion out in the hall. I could hear Leandra calling my name, then Bodahn convincing her to move back to her room and bar the door. _Good dwarf. Smart dwarf._

     Suddenly the door opened and I used the distraction to make a running leap at the dwarf in front of me, using him as a springboard to launch myself up and over their heads and out into the hall. Sandal stood there smiling. He showed me the small runestone in his hand and smiled. “Boom.”

     The stone went flying into the room, Bodahn slamming the door shut right behind it and throwing himself over the two of us and to the ground.

     The house shook and even with the door closed, the smoke in the hallway was palpable. I was coughing, tears streaming from my eyes, yet smiling like an idiot. Sandal smiled back at me and I patted his cheek. “Boom,” I giggled.

     He nodded sagely. “Big boom.”

     By the time Aveline and the guard arrived I had been bandaged and dressed in one of Leandra's shifts, the woman making tea for everyone while Orana bustled around the kitchen making scones and the Feddics sat at the table eating them. Every window in the mansion was opened to try and get rid of the smoke that had now drifted out of my room and throughout the entire house.

     The Guard-Captain issued orders to her men to deal with the unconscious or dead dwarves upstairs and do a sweep of Hightown for any others, then sat herself down next to me, thanking Leandra for the warmth of the tea.

     “All right, Selena,” she began gravely. “Tell me what happened.”

     I tried to give her every detail, though I'm sure that quite a bit was lost in the excitement and adrenaline high, of which I was now horribly coming down. As I spoke I began to shake, teeth chattering from the sudden cold I was feeling. Orana rushed to find a blanket and drape it over my shoulders and Leandra came to sit with me and drape and arm across my shoulders. When the tea began to slop from my cup across my hands, Aveline plucked it from my fingers.

     “All right, I have enough. Now, where was Hawke during all this?”

     “Something to do with the Grand Cleric, I think,” Leandra said, rubbing vigorously at my arms. “All very hush hush.”

     “He left you alone?” Aveline demanded, straightening her spine. Oh, was she ever pissed. “After everything that went on at that stupid Chateau? After the Dalish camp?” She stood and began pacing the kitchen, Orana carefully stepping out of the warrior's way.

     “I-it's all...all right Av- Aveline,” I tried to say, teeth still chattering. “I should...should have re-realized...”

     “No.” The large woman stopped and looked down at me with a frown on her lips. “It is not your job to be responsible for everything that happens in Kirkwall. But it is _his_ job to make sure that his family is safe, and he didn't. He will be getting an earful when he gets home, let me tell you.”

     “Who will be getting an earful?” A deep voice asked from the doorway of the kitchen. “What in the Void happened?”

     I turned to see Garrett, Fenris and Anders standing in the door and the tears I hadn't realized I'd been holding back started to flow, like bursting a bloody damn. Fenris rushed forward and took me up in his arms, Leandra backing away, whispering into my hair. I cried into his chest, releasing all the tension and worry and fear of the last few hours and days. Anders joined us, a little more sedately, resting a hand on my back and carefully brushing his fingers through my hair. Even Spirit came up and began rubbing against my leg and whining.

     When I had finally calmed enough to look up I could see Garrett holding his mother tightly to his chest, glancing at me with worry in his eyes as Aveline harangued him like a mother hen. When our eyes met I tried to give him a smile, though it was fairly faint, and he seemed to relax just a little.

     By the time that the guard had taken their prisoners and corpses and gone, I was more than ready to pass out once again, the only problem to that being that my room was now a breathing hazard. Thankfully Sandal's little explosive did very little damage, being more smoke and concussive force than anything else, the room was still uninhabitable for a while.

     Garrett saw his mother and the servants to their rooms, checking window and door locks as he went, setting Spirit to guard Leandra's door. He hadn't spoken a word to me yet, and I was beginning to become concerned because when Garrett held things in, bad things tended to leak out.

     Anders and Fenris lead me into Garrett's room and sat me down on the bed. I didn't protest, though maybe I should have seeing as I was still a little pissed at Hawke, but I just couldn't seem to get up the energy. In the back of my mind I knew that I was in shock, too much adrenaline that was never expended but I couldn't even seem to care about anything, at least until Warden came barrelling out from under the bed and jumped into my lap with an indignant meow.

     I smiled at the little grey puffball and stroked his fur as he purred in contentment. I saw the look that the boys exchanged, but was so lost in the softness of Warden's coat that I didn't notice when Anders and Fenris exited the room and left me alone with Garrett.

     He sat next to me on the bed, close but not touching, hands draped between his knees and head slumped forward. We sat like this for a time, the kitten's rumble filling the room. Finally, Hawke spoke. “I'm sorry, Selena. I'm sorry I lost my temper with Sebastian. I'm sorry things have been so tense between us lately. I...I'm sorry I wasn't here for you when you needed me to be.”

     I sighed, continuing to rub at Warden's fur, relishing the feel between my fingers. “I can forgive not being here tonight. You couldn't have known what would happen. If anyone's to blame it should be me. I have foreknowledge for a reason and I can't seem to use it right. But I don't know what to do about you flying off the handle like that.”

     I straightened and turned to face him. “Do you remember the story I told you about my ex? About how jealous and possessive he got?” Garrett nodded. “Well, I can't go through that again. Not ever.”

     Garrett sat up straight and looked at me with fear. “Does that mean you're leaving?” he asked in a near panic.

     I reached out to scratch at his beard. “No, Garrett. I'm not leaving. Not yet anyway. But these fits, this propensity for you to fly off the handle has to stop. In a fight, letting your fear and pain and anger take over can be a good thing, but not when you're dealing with friends. Or the people you love.”

     “But you're not leaving?”

     He looked like some poor lost puppy with his wide eyes and quivering lip, I just had to laugh and push a squirming Warden into his hands, whom he promptly set on the floor. Garrett was not a cat person. “No, I'm not leaving. In fact, I'm getting ready for bed,” I replied, twisting to worm my way up to the headboards and under the blankets.

     Garrett beamed at me and threw himself beside me, pulling me into his arms for a bear hug. “I'm so glad I didn't completely fuck this up, Selena. I really thought I had and that you never wanted to be with me again.”

     “Get under the covers you ass. Cuddle me and keep me warm,” I poked him in the side, trying to loosen his grip. He laughed and let me go only long enough to get under the blankets with me.

     It was several minutes later that I realized that the other guys hadn't joined us yet. “Garrett? Where are Anders and Fenris?”

     “Hmmm?” he mumbled sleepily. “Oh, they're in Anders' old room, getting to know each other.”

     I sat up in the cocoon of his arms to look him in the eye. “They're what?”

     “The two of them got together and decided that instead of this enforced truce the two of them have going, maybe they should actually get to know each other better and maybe make friends. Or at least comrades that won't try to kill each other at every other opportunity.”

     “And they needed a private bedroom to do this?”

     “Well, you know Anders. He can get a little...cuddly. And it's not like they haven't seen each other naked at this point.”

     “So they're going to have sex.”

     “More than likely.” I thought about it for a second, then curled myself into Garrett's chest. “Well isn't this and interesting turn of events.”


	23. Chapter 23

     The next morning we had everyone meet up at the Hanged Man, save for Merrill who was still with the Dalish and Sebastian who was scheduled for the confessionals that morning. Of course, before heading out, I got to watch the Anders/Fenris walk of shame, which was absolutely fantastic.

     I was at the table sipping a cup of fresh juice, Orana baking behind me, Garrett nursing a cup of steaming coffee, when the boys shuffled into the kitchen. Both were dishevelled and sleep worn, dressed in loose shirts and sleep pants that were loosely tied, Anders grinning like an idiot while Fenris blushed to the tips of his ears.

     I grinned around my cup. “So, had fun last night did we?”

     Anders threw himself down in the chair next to me and leaned in close, pressing his shoulder to mine. “You have no idea. Wait, actually, yes you would. I'll tell you all about it later.”

     “No, you will not,” Fenris growled, snagging a biscuit from the tray on the table and sliding into a chair to my other side.

     “Aw, why not?” Anders teased, grabbing a couple of biscuits and gulping them down hurriedly.

     “Because some things are private.”

     “Sorry, love,” the mage apologized, kissing my cheek. “You heard the man. No sharing.”

     “That's more than all right, Fenris.” I reassured him. “You are more than entitled to your privacy. All I care about is that you're happy.”

      His eyes widened slightly, mouth forming a small 'oh', surprised at what I had said. “I...Thank you, Selena.”

     I smiled and waved a biscuit in his direction. “ _De nada_. Only tell me if you really want to.”

     Anders took a hold of my wrist and pulled my biscuit into his mouth with a happy grin. I laughed and slapped him, which had both Orana and Garrett chuckling. It was a beautiful morning. Too bad it couldn't last.

     Aveline still hadn't slept after her time at the house and she looked it, slumping in her armour with dark rings forming around her eyes. Varric and Isabela, unaccustomed to being up and about so early, were drooping in their chairs. All three were nursing mugs of some noxious brew that Corff called Coffee but I was pretty sure was heated engine oil. The boys were back to looking contrite for having been gone during the altercation, and Aveline's undisguised looks of annoyance certainly weren't helping.

    Finally I couldn't take it anymore and dove right in. “Okay, for Varric and Izzy's sakes, I will go over what happened last night one more time. We had another attack of dwarves but Sandal was able to subdue them- don't ask! I'll go into that another time. Now, I know you've got some contacts looking into things after Chateau Haine, Varric, but let me just cut to the chase. This is 'one of those things'. We'll still have to wait for some info to come back to us because I can't just pinpoint where it is people will need to go. The game was terribly nonspecific as to locations on a damned map.

     Garrett, this is going to be something you have to do. It concerns your dad and the Warden's, something that they made him do.”

     Hawke looked at me, brows drawn. “My dad?”

     “Yeah. And just remember, no matter what, he loved you and Leandra and was doing it for you, okay?”

     “I...All right.” He still looked perplexed, which was just as well. I couldn't tell him everything that I knew, but I didn't want him second guessing the man he knew and loved.

     “What does the Carta have to do with it?” Varric asked, waving his mug in my direction.

     “The Carta have been hired by some Warden's to kidnap Hawke and bring him to where they are, which is a Warden prison in the Vimmarks. Inside the prison, besides the darkspawn and spiders and god-damned disgusting deep stalkers, is an ancient creature that may or may not be a darkspawn named Corypheus. And when I say ancient, I mean used to worship Dumat before he was an archdemon ancient.”

     “That's impossible,” Aveline scoffed, until she got a look at Anders' face. The Warden was pale, eyes wide and shaking slightly. Garrett reached out to touch his arm, but Anders spun away to pace the room.

     “Tell them, Anders,” I said softly, watching him, a little sad. “They need to know.”

     He spun towards me, shock plain. “You know? But that's a highly guarded Warden secret!”

     I gave him that look, the one that told my kids not to try bullshitting a bullshitter. “Hello, game world remember? I lived through your Joining with you, was there when you met the Architect, when you killed the Mother. I know all of that.”

     His eyes squeezed shut and he began to shudder. I stood and wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek into his chest. After a moment, he laced his arms around my and buried his face into my neck. “It was horrible, Selena. I don't know if I can deal with that again.”

     “Shhh, I know,” I soothed, slowly running my palms up and down his spine, trying vainly not to sneeze from feathers up my nose. “Let's just tell them about the darkspawn and we'll deal with the rest later, okay?”

      He took a shuddering breath but nodded his head. “Okay, just...give me a minute.”

     We stood like that for a few minutes until Anders finally straightened and looked up at our friends. All looked concerned for him, even stoic Aveline, which made us both smile just a little.

     The mage took a deep breath and began. “During my time in Amaranthine, we came across a darkspawn that was very different from any other. He went by The Architect and he was intelligent. Like genius intelligent, and had figured out how to make other intelligent, talking darkspawn. Nobody knew just how old he was, not even him. He was trying to figure out how to stop the darkspawn from hearing the call of the Old Gods and to think for themselves. In doing so he accidentally started another Blight all on his own. We managed to put it down, mostly due to the Warden Commander, Queen Gweneth, but it was still horrible. Talking darkspawn are intelligent, but they don't think like you or me. It's more of an instinctual thing, primal.” Anders shuddered again and when Garrett opened his arms to him, the mage fell into them with a soft cry.

     “And this Corypheus is bigger and badder than The Architect could ever dream,” I added, feeling grim. I hated this, hated having to send them on this damned quest, but there wasn't a choice. If we ignored it, those stupid Carta dwarves would never leave Garrett and his family alone. “So we need to talk volunteers.”

     Immediately Fenris nodded. “Okay, that's one.”

     Varric raised his mug once again. “Gotta go. How else am I supposed to write your damned stories?”

     I giggled. “That's two.”

     Anders sighed. “I guess I had better go too. Can't leave you guys without a mage or a healer.”

     “No,” Hawke immediately exclaimed. “I can't ask that of you, Anders. Not after...after what you were talking about.”

     “Garrett Ezekial Hawke,” Anders growled, frowning at the man he loved. “I will go where I so choose, and I choose to go with you. Is that clear?”

     Izzy leaned over and jabbed me lightly with an elbow. “Ezekial?” All I could do was shrug.

     “But, Anders-”

     “There are no 'buts' in this. You know I'll win so just give up now.” Anders was wearing his doctor face that had even the burliest warrior cowering. Including this one.

     “Yes, Anders.”

     “Okay, and that makes four, five including me. If the rest of you could keep an eye on Leandra it would be greatly appreciated. If we leave the morning after we get map coordinates, we should reach it in just a few days.” I grinned at the group, though few were grinning back. Especially Garrett.

     “Selena, could we talk privately for just a minute?” he asked, standing away from the table.

     I nodded and lead the way out into the hall, Hawke closing the door behind him. “All right, what?”

     “I don't want you coming with us.”

     Well damn, if you couldn't blow me down with a feather. “What?” I asked, incredulous. “You don't want me with you?”

     He lightly took a hold of my shoulders, looking so forlorn into my eyes. “It's not that I don't want you, believe me I do. But I'm going to be worrying enough about Anders down there and I don't know if I can do what I need to if I'm worrying about you too. And don't tell me I don't need to worry because you know I will and it's going to be distracting and awkward.”

     “Awkward?”

     “Yeah, 'cause I'll also be thinking of different places to fuck you and Varric will be there with his pens and charcoal and notebooks and I just don't need that in my life.”

     I laughed. I couldn't help it and, reluctantly agreed to stay behind. I mean, it would just be me and Izzy, Aveline, Sebastian and maybe Merrill. What could possibly go wrong?

  _Why did I need to fucking think that?_


	24. Chapter 24

     It had been a week since the boys had left when Aveline came to me and thank God for that! I'd been nothing but a nervous wreck since. I saw them off with obviously fake good cheer, lots of kisses and hugs and waving, whispering into Fenris' ear to watch out for Anders and explaining that, with Justice gone, I had no idea how Corypheus' call through the taint would affect him. The warrior had nodded into my shoulder and promised to care for him.

     Leandra had tried to keep me occupied, and Isabela had been by several times, mostly to drink Hawke's booze and carve obscenities into the banister. But Aveline's arrival sparked the beginning of something real to do which was exactly what I needed.

     Not that it really took much, just giving a helping hand to her husband Donnic, then chatting up Cullen and killing off Jevan. That one was pretty cool, I have to say, and the whole thing gave me an idea. I didn't _really_ need to wait for Hawke to finish a few of his quests, especially since I was now Champion of Kirkwall instead of him.

     I started by approaching Isabela at the Hanged Man, convincing her to help with the promise of possible sex at the end of things.

     “Really, Sweet Thing? You going to jump the lines for little old me?” she winked at me.

     I laughed. “Not with me, Iz, but trust me when I say that you won't be disappointed.”

     I was able to convince Aveline to come along as well, mostly by telling her that it was just me and Isabela. She couldn't in good conscience let me go without her at that point.

     We grabbed Merrill on our way through the Dalish camp. I don't think I'd ever seen the little elf so happy, she nearly bounced as we made our way past the camp and up into the mountains. It made me smile like a bloody idiot and I actually almost stopped worrying.

     “So where exactly are we going, Selena?” Aveline asked, straightening her pack for the umpteenth time.

     “First the Varteral cave. It needs killing again.”

     Isabela gave me an incredulous look. “Didn't we already take care of that?”

     “It got better.”

     All three women stopped dead in their tracks, staring at my back for a moment, before bursting into laughter.

                                            ****************

 

     “God dammit to FUCKING HELL!”

     I was _really_ hating this fucking monstrosity. I was starting to hate the damned assassin and if I hadn't needed him for a job I would have just ignored him. Even if he _was_ one of my favourite characters from Origins and was absolutely beautiful and had the sexiest voice in the world.

     At long last the pain in the ass thing fell, just as I was thinking I was going to have to switch to blades instead of my new longbow, almost out of arrows as I was. One thing I really missed from the game was unlimited ammo.

     “Now you I was not expecting.”

     I looked up quickly from the gory mess that was the varterral and blinked, slowly in disbelief. There he was. That damned beautiful elf I had had such a crush on for the longest time. Thankfully looking absolutely _nothing_ like he did in the game, and more like he had in Origins. Like some golden elvehn god, he approached us with all the swagger, all the arrogance I had come to love and expect. I stood self-consciously and tried to wipe some of the blood from my face, probably just smearing it more.

     Isabel laughed and moved to stand next to me, Aveline and Merrill flanking. “I thought I smelled Antivan leather.”

     The elf laughed. “Isabela! If it isn't my favourite pirate wench!”

     Izzy smiled, cocking a hip and crossing her arms. “Shouldn't you be dead by now?”

     “I could say the same of you, my dear. It seems we were both fortunate to find powerful friends, no?” He turned his attention and, I admit it, I almost swooned. “How do you do? I am Zevran Arainai, adventurer and occasional assassin.”

     I grinned, looking him over like he was a side of prime rib and itching to trace at his tattoos. “Oh, I know all about you, Zevran. Friend of Wardens and Mages, drunken dwarves and Qunari, the King and Queen of Fereldan, just to name a few. One of the companions that faced the Archdemon, not to mention the scourge of virgins everywhere.”

     He stared wide eyed for a moment before bursting into laughter. “Scourge am I? Defiler maybe, but I don't know about scourge.” He bowed before me with a flourish. At your service my new friend. I must admit I was waiting for an assault by the Crows, not the mighty Champion of Kirkwall.”

     “Oh?” I asked, mimicking Izzy's stance with an extra flare of 'so you think?'. “How do you know _I'm_ the Champion of Kirkwall?”

     “Slayer of Qunari, delver of the Deep Roads, and may I say, absolutely beautiful.”

    _Oh, he_ is _good_. _If I'd come back as a Warden I'd have fucked him in a second._ “Well, I didn't do the Deep Roads, that would have been my husband, but you can keep calling me beautiful if you like.”

     “Let me guess,” he sighed, pacing slightly. “A man named Nuncio asked you to find a dangerous killer, yes?”

     “Nope. Came for you all on my own. Hoping to use you for a job actually. Nuncio will need killing though.”

     Suddenly, between one blink and the next, he was there, a knife pressed to my throat, eyes cold and face feral. I could hear the others behind me, yelling my name, his name, Isabela even going so far as to pull on his arm. “Are you working for the Crows? How did you know I was here to find? Tell me!”

     I tried to remain calm, though I could feel myself starting to shake. He smelled of leather and spices and sweat and I was starting to get hot just thinking about it. _You already have three lovers you greedy git! And this one's holding a blade to your throat. Chill the fuck out already!_ “I don't work for the Crows. Izzy can vouch for me. But I do know a lot of things that most don't. And it will be very hard to explain with a hole in my trachea.”

     He stared into my eyes for another long moment and then- blink- happy, jovial, flirty Zevran was back. He laughed, twirling the blade before secreting it on his person. “One can never be too careful, yes? If Nuncio did not tell you where to come find me, I must assume the worst.”

     “S'all right, Zevran. I get it,” I said, rubbing at my neck softly. There was no cut, no mark at all, but it felt like there should be. Aveline moved to stand just a little closer and Merrill had pulled out her staff, ready for a fight. Izzy just folded her arms under her ample bosom and began tapping her foot, looking seriously peeved.

     “So what now, dearest Champion?”

    “I say we go murder ourselves a Crow.”

     Aveline's groan let me know that _she_ , at least, got the pun.


	25. Chapter 25

     “So, my lovely Champion, just what is it you need of me?” Zevran asked, eyebrows wiggling in a playful come on.

     Killing Nuncio had been laughably easy, though Aveline did give me her perturbed scowl at killing a bunch of men with no real provocation. I just told her that removing a cell of Crows from her territory was a good thing in the long run and it seemed to mollify her for a little while. After all was said and done, we waited for Izzy to get 'reacquainted' with her friend, then dragged him back to the estate for a lot of drinks. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. I think we may have actually finished all of the Antivan brandy in the house and were now demolishing the Starkhaven single malt.

     Right now there were three Zevrans sitting way too close to me on the couch and I couldn't seem to remember why he shouldn't be doing that. Merrill was passed out asleep on the floor, curled up like a puppy on the rug by the fire. Isabela and Aveline had both left not long ago, wandering off unsteadily in their own directions, leaving me all alone with the sexy elf.

     Of course, the thought of a sexy elf had me thinking about Fenris and I was suddenly scared and worried and wanted nothing more than to hold him in my arms. And if I was holding him I then wanted to pull Garrett and Anders into the mix and just hold the lot of them and make everything all better and _damn it to hell and back, I am really drunk._

     “Ah, _querida_ , do not cry. I am sorry.” he reached out and wiped away a tear I didn't realize I had shed and pulled me into his arms and against his chest. I couldn't seem to stop the flow of tears or words that came pouring out, telling him all about coming to Thedas and falling in love, all three times, and killing the Arishok and saving Leandra and it was all a messy drunken slur of words and thank god the Antivan seemed to understand absolutely none of it.

     When I seemed to run out of steam and was basically worn out rag doll, Zevran called to Bodahn to lead him to my rooms. As the dwarf motioned for the elf to follow, Zev scooped me up in his arms and carried me up the stairs. I think I protested but to tell the truth I was pretty fucked up by then and may have just belched instead. Either way, he chuckled and promptly ignored me, heading straight for the room that Bodahn indicated to put me in. It was Garrett's, which just set me off on a new flechette of tears.

     “Hush, _querida_.” Zev whispered, sliding off my shoes and tucking blankets around me. “We will discuss things in the morning when you are not quite so, well, emotional.”

     I nodded, sniffing back tears. I fell asleep to Zevran's golden smile and the world wasn't quite as dark and scary as it had been for just a moment.

                                           *******************

 

     If Anders and Fenris had done the walk of shame, I was afraid to ask just what kind of walk I was doing as I came into the kitchen the next morning to find Zevran sipping coffee and chatting amiably with Bodahn and flirting with Orana. I was horribly hungover, pale and bleary eyed, and had apparently made an idiot of myself in front of someone I kind of considered a hero.

     I sat with a groan and blessed Orana six ways from Sunday when she brought me a cup of juice with sweetberries and a small vial of elfroot powder. Now _she_ was my real hero.

     “Good morning, _querida_!” the assassin said, laughing. “How are you this fine morning?”

     I think I grumbled something about bronto shit and he laughed while I sipped at my juice, now liberally filled with powder. It was funny. In my other life I never got drunk because the idea of being so out of control scared the crap out of me. Here though...here it just felt right. At least until the next morning.

     "Well, querida, once you have finished your...breakfast, shall we retire to the study so that we might discuss this job that you have for me?”

     I nodded-carefully- and drained the last of my cup, trading it with Orana for a biscuit to munch as we made our way to the study. Once there, I gingerly lowered myself into Leandra's favourite seat by the now cold fireplace and the elf sat across from me, leaning forward with curiosity.

     I leaned back, eyes closed, not really sure where to start. “Okay, let me start by saying that I'm not hiring you for an actual assassination. More like information gathering and a possible theft. And that if said theft were not going to possibly save lives, I wouldn't be coming to you.”

     Zev leaned back, face pensive, rubbing lightly at his chin. “Well now, you do have my curiosity peaked. And just where exactly is all of this supposed to be taking place?”

     “The Gallows.”

     “Ah well, that would be why you needed to hire someone like me, is it not? The famous Gallows, prison home to Kirkwall's mages and Templars and all around nasty place.”

     “Not someone like you, Zevran. You. You're the best and the only one I would willingly trust.” I sat up and looked him straight in the eye. My statement surprised him to say the least. He covered it quickly with his usual flirty smile but I caught the wide eyes and gaping mouth. “If the Queen of Fereldan can trust you, then so can I.”

     “Yes, well, Tabitha can be very over-trusting at times,” he smiled with a wave of his hand.

    _Tricksy elf_ I giggled to myself. “Well, I don't know who this 'Tabitha' person is, but _Gweneth_ tends to be a little slow to trust, if I recall. Especially after Ostagar.”

     Zevran threw his head back in laughter. “Very good! Yes, my _hermosa ave_ 1 kept me under guard and tied at night for nearly a month before she began to trust me. It might have taken longer but I was in the right place at the right time and managed to save her life, or some such thing. How do you know our beautiful queen?”

     I closed my eyes and leaned back once more. “That is a very long story and something I may explain later, but right now I have a headache the size of Kirkwall and really don't want to have to get into the whole existential... ish... ness of the whole thing.”

     I could feel the wariness in Zevran from where I sat. “All right, _querida._ Later. Now, as for this job, what exactly am I gathering information on?”

     I heaved a sigh and sat up, looking back at Zev. He'd demand answers later, but that was future me's problem, not present me. “First, I need to know if Knight-Commander Meredith has begun carrying a specific sword. A greatsword that she wields in one hand, made of what looks like dragonbone and red glass, decorated with at least one small skull. If she does not yet have the sword, I need to know where it is and if it's possible to get my hands on it. I can figure out how after I know where it is.”

     “And why, exactly do you need to know about this sword?” I could see that he was waffling, certain to turn me down if my reasoning wasn't good enough.

     “The sword is fashioned from red lyrium-”

     “Red!” he exclaimed.

     “Yes, and red lyrium is not like blue. The way it was described to me, it's as though the lyrium itself is possessed. The dwarf she bought the lyrium from went completely insane to the point of cannibalism. If she retains the sword, it will push her over the edge and she's already not the most stable of people. And who knows what she'll do to the mages in her charge if she falls off the turnip truck.”

     “Turnip-”

     “Sorry! A saying where I come from. Not important.” _Smooth move, ex-lax! No mentioning trucks in front of the elf._ “So, will you help?”

     Zevran laughed as though it were a forgone conclusion. “Of course, _querida_! For so noble a purpose I would certainly help a damsel such as yourself.”

     I smiled and exhaled a breath I wasn't sure I'd been holding. “Thank you Zevran. You are a gentleman and a scholar.”

     “No, I am an assassin and former Crow, but who am I to quibble?” he placed a hand lightly on my bent knee and winked.

  _Well fuck. He is just too damned sexy by half._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 beautiful bird


	26. Chapter 26

     It was a month later when the boys came back. Zevran was still tracking the sword for me, working to find the weaponsmith that was working on it. Apparently Meredith had opted not to go with the Templar's standard arms and armament maker but to an artisan of the craft. And not affiliated with the Chantry in any way.

     It was Cricket that found me in the Alienage market, rifling through some beautiful hand dyed scarves because I had absolutely nothing better to do with my time at the moment. And they were pretty, I was willing to admit, soft and silky against my skin.

     When Cricket ran up, panting and excited I knew exactly what it was he came for. “How soon, Cricket?” I asked, taking him by the upper arm.

     “Couple hours out still, coming in by the west gate. Bunch o' the boys, we set a relay, get the message here faster.” he panted, smiling at having beat the men by so much.

     I grinned at their ingenuity and passed him a small pouch. “There's five sovereigns in there. Get groceries for you and the others and come by the estate tomorrow. I'll make sure Orana puts out some sweets for all of you.”

     Cricket nodded enthusiastically and ran off. I didn't fear him using the money for something other than for what it was intended. He was a good kid, more responsible than his years belied. I, on the other hand, had no problem splurging my money. I bought a beautiful scarf woven to look like dappled leaves in a multitude of greens, then rushed to the house to let Leandra know our boys were on their way home.

     Two hours later Bodahn had aired out all the rooms and Orana had begun a meal large enough to feed an army. Leandra and I had prepared the bathing chambers, ready to fill the tubs as soon as they walked in the door, thick towels, scented soaps and scrub brushes. And now, dressed in a simple white dress, new scarf around my waist like one of Isabela's belts, I was waiting impatiently like a war bride on the dock, waiting for her husband's ship to dock.

     I had never felt so nervous. Not just because my men were coming home after more than six weeks away, but because I knew they weren't going to be...well when they walked through that door. The things I knew they had gone through out there in the mountains would weigh on their minds and their souls for some time. But maybe, just maybe, I can help them get through it.

     Spirit heralded their arrival, barking happily as he approached the door. I flung it open, darting forward to throw my arms around the mabari, laughing as he licked and slobbered my cheeks and neck. “Oh Spirit, how I missed you! And Warden missed you too. He hasn't had anyone to climb in weeks. Why don't you go in and find him? And I bet Orana has a treat for you somewhere too if you hurry.”

     The big dog barked once in agreement and ran off to the house, just as my trio came into sight. They were barely more than silhouettes but I knew their forms right away. Garrett front and centre, Fenris to the left, Anders to the right, coming slowly but steadily towards me. It was like one of those supposed-to-be-romantic-but really-looks-kinda-corny scenes out of the movies. I don't remember my first step towards them, or my second, or my fifth or tenth. I was just suddenly running towards them, full bore, tears streaming down my cheeks. And as I got closer to them I could see the weariness, the pain etched into their limbs and their spines and their eyes. And then they were smiling, arms reaching out towards me.

     Then I was in those arms, plastered to Garrett's chest, arms around Anders and Fenris, just as they gripped their arms around me. We were laughing and crying and it was all just a general hot mess for several minutes. At least until Anders knees began to buckle and Garrett was forced to scoop him up in his arms.

     “What-?”

     Fenris touched my cheek, pulling my attention. “Not now, Selena. Just...not now.”

     Seeing the weariness plain in his green eyes, I nodded and turned to lead the way back to the house. My boys needed to relax and eat and sleep and no one was going to stop that from happening. Not today. In my zeal I _may_ have actually pushed a little old lady out of our way. I make no apologies.

     Inside Leandra immediately took over, checking with Orana that the tubs were now filling and putting trays of cold foods together to eat as they bathed, then proceeded to help Garrett get Anders upstairs and taken care of. I will give her this, when push comes to shove, Leandra definitely acquits herself as the mother of rambunctious boys.

     Fenris followed me into our rooms, steam from the bathing chamber slowly seeping into the bedroom. When his fingers began to fumble and shake at the buckles of his chestplate, I brushed his hands aside and undid them myself, then moved on to the rest of his armour and clothing until he stood in nothing but his smalls, at which point I pulled him gently by the hand to the tub, slid off his smalls and helped him to step into the large marble tub.

     I gasped, taking a good look at his body. My poor baby was a mass of bruises, cuts and knots of inflamed muscle. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, knowing that they had gone through hell and been unable to help them. And I could only imagine how it must have been worse when you take Anders healing into account.

     Fenris groaned, sliding slowly into the water, eyes closed and grimacing. Slowly, so as not to startle him, I took up a washing cloth and began carefully washing his chest, running it in lay circles. When Orana brought a tray of foodstuffs to the room, I left only long enough direct her where to put it down then rushed back to his side. He was dozing by the time I returned, and I took the opportunity to carefully scrub him clean. I tried to be as soft and gentle as when I had washed the children as babies, with thick lather smelling of pine and the softest piece of flannel we had in the house.

     It was difficult, washing without irritating his brands, slightly raised and catching on the fabric. And don't get me started on moving him around to wash his back and scrub at his hair. By the end I was probably wearing more water than he was.

     I left him briefly to run across the hall to check on Garrett and Anders, asking Bodahn to keep an eye on him as we passed. He nodded with a weary smile. Leandra was sorting through the boys' packs, pulling out clothing to be laundered and empty potion vials, weapon care and healing kits. Anders was already lying in the large four-poster bed, snoring lightly, while Garrett appeared to be in his own bathing chamber behind the closed door. I went to the mage and looked down at him. Even in sleep his brows were drawn, frowning at some picture in his head. I reached out and gently ran a finger over his cheek, watching as the lines smoothed away just a little, and when I leaned down to kiss his brow they vanished all together. At least in this I could make him feel a little better.

     Garrett was another story.

     I knocked on the bathroom door, entering only when he called out. He glanced up at me, already cleaned and dressed with a tray of food in his lap, mouth filled with something that was putting out a lot of crumbs. I started to smile at the sight, until I got a good look at his eyes. Pupils near black, brows drawing deeper upon seeing me, mouth turning down in a frown. I was surprised, but really I shouldn't have been. I was the one with all the answers after all, and I had sent them out without any.

     “What do you want, Selena?” he growled, trying to look relaxed when I knew he was upset.

     “I just came to check on you, Garrett,” I said softly. “Make sure you were okay.”

     He laughed, a high, manic sound that broke my heart. “Okay? _Okay_? We're anything but okay, Selena. I'd say we were pretty fucked up, wouldn't you?” He stood abruptly, knocking the tray to the floor with a clatter, food flying, and stalked towards me, fists clenched. “Why the fuck didn't you tell us, huh? Just how bad it really was going to be? That I was nearly going to have to kill the man I love to make him stop attacking us? That Varric was going to have to see...that my dad...”

     Tears began to flow as he fell to his knees and I rushed to him, wrapping my arms around him.”Why, Selena? Why did he...”

     “He wasn't given a choice, my love,” I whispered in his ear. “He did it because he loved you and he loved your mother, and he would do anything to keep you safe. Just as you would do anything to keep all of us safe. And I'm so sorry about not telling you everything. I would if I thought I could, really. But this...this was something you had to come to on your own. As it was, with the change I accidentally wrought with Anders and Justice, I wasn't sure how that would go. If I could have, I would have wrapped you all in bubble wrap and hidden you here in a closet or something until all the badness went away.”

    Garrett released a harsh laughed, wet with tears. “I don't know what bubble wrap is but it sounds like fun.”

     I giggled. “Well, I wouldn't want to have sex in it cause the sweat would just make it stick everywhere and the popping when the bubbles broke might get distracting, but it can be a great stress reliever when you start getting angry, then just pop random bubbles until you're calm again.”

     We kneeled there for some minutes, until we had both calmed somewhat, then Garrett stood slowly, shaking me off so that I stood with him. “How's Fenris?”

     “He had dozed off in the tub so I asked Bodahn to keep an eye on him while I checked on the two of you. Anders was still asleep when I came in here.”

     “Guess we should make sure he hasn't drowned or anything then, shouldn't we?” That gleam was starting to come back to his eye. It was small and flickery, but it was there and I smiled.

     “Probably a good idea. Quite the ignominious death, to survive the Vimmarks only to drown in the tub.”

     “Yeah. Can't have that now can we.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW!!!! Smut ahead, you have been warned.

     Fenris was up, dried and dressed by the time I made my way back to the room, Bodahn having left to settle Sandal for the night. I watched him from the doorway for a moment as he sat on the bed, slowly chewing on some bit of food and staring down at the floor. His hands hung loosely between his knees, shoulders slumped in fatigue. And even in all that, he was absolutely beautiful.

     “You know you can come in, right?” he asked, not looking up.

     I stepped closer, reaching out to card my fingers through his hair. “How are you doing?” I asked quietly.

     He sighed, then looked up at me with a soft smile. “Better. How are the others?”

     I sat down on the bed next to the elf and took his hand in both of mine. “Anders was asleep. Garrett...well, Garrett and I had a little talk. I think we're okay. At least for now.”

     Fenris looked down at our hands, then pulled them up to brush his lips across my knuckles. “Do you think we could...go to their room? Sleep with them? I find that I need...just...”

     “Let's go find out shall we?”

     I stood, pulling him up with me and lead the way across the hall, knocking on the door frame before entering. “Can we come in?”

     Garrett was now sitting on the edge of the bed, as Fenris had been, next to Anders, looking up as I spoke. He appeared as nothing more than a scared little boy, eyes wide and lower lip trembling slightly. He nodded and I pulled Fenris forward. Leandra, who had just finished sorting through the packs, bent over her son, kissing the top of his head then patted me on the shoulder as she passed. “I will see you all in the morning.” Garrett gave her a short nod and I smiled for her as she closed the door.

     “What do you need of me, gentlemen?” I asked, looking from Garrett to Fenris in concern. I needed to know where they wanted me, what I could do to help them.

     Fenris sighed and pushed me slightly towards the bed. “Hawke and Anders had a harder time than I did. Sleep between them and I will get in beside Anders. The mage has had many nightmares since...well, since. He will need you when he awakens.”

     I turned to look the elf in the eye, making sure that he was certain of his choice before making me way to the centre of the big four poster bed. In his sleep, Anders rolled to wrap an arm around my waist and rest his head on my chest. Fenris' smile was wistful and I had to wonder if it was because the mage was cuddling me or maybe because he wasn't cuddling the elf. Soon Fenris and Garrett had joined us, the elf spooning against Anders' back, Hawke lying flat on his back, clutching my hand in his.

     It was a very long time before any of the rest of us fell asleep.

                                      ********************

 

     There were fingers drifting along my abdomen, soft, drifting things barely touching the skin, sending pulses of electricity up and down my spine. Lips, dry and slightly cracked, were on my neck, lightly kissing at the skin. I wiggled just a little, trying to relieve the sudden building heat in my groin and I heard a breathy chuckle.

     “Sorry, Sweetheart. Didn't mean to wake you. I just...couldn't seem to stop myself.”

     I opened my eyes to see Anders' unrepentant grin beaming down at me and I had to smile in return. Even with the dark circles and still pale skin, the sparkle was back in his honey eyes.

     “You know we're not alone right?” I asked, glancing at the forms of Garrett and Fenris, both deep in slumber.

     “S'okay. Things get acrobatic enough, they'll wake up.”

     I giggled and reached out to pull the mage close in a hug. “I missed you, Anders.”

     “I missed you, too, Selena. It was...brutal. I'm glad Garrett made you stay home.” he sighed into my hair and I pulled him in just that little bit tighter.

     We lay like that for a bit, just enjoying each other's closeness, until Anders' hands began to roam once more. He had the most amazing touch. Long, thin fingers calloused in the oddest places from his staff, mortar and pestle. It made the sensation like dragging pitted leather across the skin. But warm, so very warm. He didn't look to see where he was touching, face buried in my sleep tangled hair and breathing deeply. He just let his fingers go where they willed, by passing the usual erogenous areas and drifting to other places, like behind my knee my inner forearm. They were all so sensitive that soon I was panting with want just from those slight caresses.

     I felt some slight movement to either side of us but it was lost in the sudden feeling of Anders fingers seeking entrance between my legs. I spread them enough to let him in and gasped. Two long fingers delved immediately inside while his thumb grazed at my clit. I shuddered at the intensity of it. Then wondered where the hell my underwear had gotten to. _Damned tricky mage_ I giggled to myself, causing him to look up at me with a grin before blowing cold air across my skin.

     And I don't mean just the cool breath from a man's mungs. No, I mean a damned cold spell writ small that caused huge goosebumps and a body wracking shiver. “Fuck!” I cried, heedless of the possibility of waking the boys. “What the hell Anders? That was fucking cold!”

     “I know,” he chuckled. “It'll feel all the better when I do this.” His fingers reached out again, warmed now, a pulsing heat like the very beginnings of a fire spell. I moaned, writhing from the change in temperature so precisely placed on my nub and Anders chuckled, sending even more ripples across the sensitive skin.

     Hands to either side gently glided across my breasts and I arched to meet them. I was coming, feeling that hot coil in my groin that signalled the build, gasping and moaning names and words in all manner of language. And when it exploded over me it was all I could do not to buck Anders away from me with my writhing.

     When I had calmed enough to open my eyes, Garrett had pulled Anders away and was sucking at his cock while Fenris held me to his chest and watched in fascination.

     “You like what you see?” I asked him, just a little hoarse.

     “Yes.”

     His voice was soft, deep and slightly guttural and it sent a shiver down my spine. Fenris looked down at me in surprise, having felt my movements against his cock, pressed against my hip. I turned, positioning myself between his legs. “That is so fucking hot,” I moaned before wrapping my lips around him.

     My willingness to take him like this always surprised the elf, and he gasped, carding his fingers into my hair and arching his hips to meet me. I hummed in appreciation which had him bucking once again into my mouth.

     I don't know about anyone else, but listening to Anders be taken, all the loud cries and soft moans, while I had Fenris at my mercy between my lips, just did things for me. I reached out a hand, flailing until I found Garrett's hand on the bed and clung to it, his fingers twining with mine. We were connected, the four of us, in love and life and all the things that mattered.

     “F-Fenris? Could you grab...grab me the oil? In the nightstand,” Hawke stuttered, pulling away from Anders briefly. The elf nodded and slapped at the drawer until he found the handle, grabbing the first vial that came to hand, thankfully the right one, and handed it over. Anders moaned upon seeing the bottle and I smiled.

     Suddenly, arms were pulling me up, lips kissing me as Fenris moved his cock to my entrance. “Please,” he said gruffly. “Fuck me, Selena.”

     No more beautiful words had ever been said as I slowly inched myself over him, down his length. He was so much larger than one would expect from an elf, nearly as thick and long as Garrett himself.

     I heard heavy groans and panting from beside me and looked to see Garrett had moved up to slide himself inside his lover, Anders' legs pulled up to rest on Hawke's arms, mouth open and panting. I reached out to take hold of his cock, weeping precum and standing to rigid attention and it was as though I had completed a circuit, a conduit of magical energy. Invisible fingers danced in my skin, touching off pleasure centres I didn't know existed, and judging by the cries of the men around me, they were feeling it as well. It was blinding, almost painful in it's intensity.

     Fenris was calling out in Tevene, Garrett grunting and panting, eyes black and rutting. Anders was so far lost in his magic that he had begun to glow with it. And I was screaming, coming over Fenris while Anders finished in my hand. Moments later Fenris followed me over the edge, gripping my hips as though afraid I would fly away. Garrett came last, surging up into his lover before collapsing across the mage's body.

     We lay there, panting, trying to calm our beating hearts for a few moments before Fenris got up and fetched flannels from the nearby washbasin. He passed two to the boys, then used his to wash me first before taking care of himself. Which was probably a good thing since I couldn't actually move at all right about now. I had almost fallen asleep before the boys arranged themselves in the bed once again, Fenris and Garrett to either side of me, Anders pressed to Hawke's side.

     “We never leave you behind again,” Garrett whispered, taking my hand in his and bringing it to his lips.

     “Agreed,” Fenris and Anders said in unison, laughing.

     “Agreed,” I whispered, sliding into sleep with the heat of the men I loved wrapped around me. And I swore it would be true. They would never again be away from my side. Ever.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay, guys! Unfortunately, my mother-in-law had to go into hospital and we're still not sure she'll ever be coming out. Fingers, toes, arms, legs, eyes are crossed for good things.

     “You'll need to wear your white dress today, dear.”

     “What? Why?”

     Leandra cocked her head towards me, brows drawn down, lips pursed around the rim of her morning tea cup. “Why, for All Soul's Day, of course. It's today. Did you forget?”

     Sitting in the garden, enjoying the cool breeze that would be smothered soon enough with the summer heat, I was completely at a loss, trying desperately to remember what I had read about Funalis, or All Soul's Day.

     “We've been keeping her super busy of the last little while, Mother,” Garrett said, coming out in the nick of time to save my ass. “She probably didn't even realize what day it was.” He came up and draped an arm around my shoulder, leaning down to place a kiss on the top of my head. “Don't worry, I'll make sure she's dressed all proper.”

     “Oh, Garrett. What you know of proper attire could fit in your shoe.” Leandra chuckled at her son. I turned towards him to say something pithy, I'm sure, but was struck dumb upon seeing him. My Garrett was dressed all in white, from a loose silk shirt- only partial tied closed of course- to butter soft leather pants tucked into mid-calf length boots. With his dark hair and beard, not to mention the smattering of chest hair that was peeking out, he was absolutely breathtaking.

     “Come on, Selena,” Garrett said with a laugh, taking my hand and pulling me up from the little table Leandra and I were sitting at to take in our respective breakfasts. “Mother comissioned you a dress ages ago. It's in one of my wardrobes...somewhere.”

     I could hear Leandra chuckling as he pulled me among but I couldn't seem to stop staring, even with the blush creeping high into my cheeks, or much further down. I just couldn't seem to stop staring and picturing him spread out on the bed atop white silk sheets.

     And in the foyer there were more men in white. Anders looked like nothing less than a golden god, hair shining , skin tanned against a simple cotton shirt and linen breeches, paired with simple leather ankle boots. He had even exchanged his usual staff for a gnarled branch of whitewood adorned with hanging crystals. Fenris almost appeared as his opposite. Though dressed in similar garb, exchanging only cotton breeches for leather ones more similar to Garrett's, with his white hair and colouring he reminded me more of the moon than the sun.

     And they both stood there smirking at my apparently uncouth state.

     “So I guess I never got the memo that today had a dress code.” I said with a laugh, looking down at my red shift and black leather shoes. I felt like a blood smear next to my beautiful men.

     Fenris shook his head ruefully and turned his attention to Hawke. “The dress is in the wardrobe?”

     Garrett nodded and Fenris took my hand and began to pull me up the stairs. “Come. We will dress you properly and be off to see some of the festivities.”

     And when I say pulling me up the stairs, I really mean it. I've never seen the elf so damned excited about anything. Well except maybe sex. I was actually tripping over the stair risers trying to keep up. “Fenris! Fenris, wait! You are pulling my arm out of it's socket, just hold your horses there buddy.”

     But did he slow? Well, of course not. He just turned to face me, smirk of a grin on his face and eyes twinkling. “Today I will be acting as your Shartan, the elvehn former slave that fought alongside Andraste. I will be by your side in all things. Hawke will be acting as your Maferath, Anders as his Archon Hessarian. There will be parts to play throughout the day, and the first is that I will be aiding our Andraste to prepare for the festivities.”

     I gaped at him as we entered the room and he began rummaging through the wardrobe. “I- I have to play a part? I have no clue what I'm doing!”

     “It's all right,” he reassured, pulling out a swath of white fabric and turning back to me. “Most of the day will be travelling throughout Hightown, attending the Chant and then different skits and bonfires around the squares. If you are approached for any reason, simply bestow a blessing and move on. This evening we will be retiring to the Hanged Man to help distribute food to any who comes. Corff has been preparing bread and meats since yesterday morning, enough to feed all of Low and Darktown. Once the food is gone, we will be free to celebrate for the remainder of the night. Now, let's get you properly attired.”

     The dress, was basically made up of layers of sheer silk with a fitted, sleeveless top and empire waist. It was soft and whispy and twirled in the most lovely fashion. Which, of course, I did while laughing like an idiot. That was one of the most wonderful things about a loose skirt, that great twirly feeling. A matching sheer silk shawl was supplied to go over my shoulders, weighted with shimmering beads in an interconnected diamond pattern.

     And Fenris helped me with every stage of dressing, all business as a proper servant would behave, and to tell the truth it actually made me just a little sick. This was what he had been like as a slave, deferential and stoic. Standing behind me, tightening my bodice, my breath hitched, causing him to pause.

     “ _Carissimi_? Are you well? Is it too tight?”

     I turned and took his face between my palms. “I am sorry that this was ever a part of your life. I love you, Fenris, really and truly.”

     His eyes softened and he smiled at me, reaching up to cover my hands with his own. “I am happy, Selena. More than I ever thought possible. And without my time as a slave, I may not have realized how happy I truly am now. How important you are to me.”

     I pulled back and wrapped my arms around his waist, holding him tightly. Fenris' hands reached up to delve into my hair. “I just realized how uncomfortable I am with the idea of you doing this as a slave.”

     “But I am choosing to do this for you. I _want_ to. Please, Selena, let me do this for you,” he reassured, placing a breath of a kiss on my forehead.

    _Dammit! He's giving me the puppy eyes._ I sighed with a smile. “It's all right, Fenris. I'm just feeling a little...I don't know, out of sorts I guess. The idea of you doing this sort of thing as a slave made me a little nauseous.”

     “And I appreciate the sentiment. But for now, the others will be getting anxious.”

                                          *******************

 

     We wandered the Hightown Square, Garrett and I arm in arm, Anders and Fenris following behind. Leandra had been planning to join us, but begged off at the last moment, claiming tiredness, but promised to meet up with us at the Hanged Man later. The idea of Leandra at the Hanged Man had me giggling.

     We began our tour at the Chantry. On a normal endweek the Chant was sung by, at most, six laybrothers and sisters, maybe a full sister or maybe even a mother. Today, though, every person connected to the Chantry was singing, spread throughout the building so that every corner reverberated in song. Even the Grand Cleric, up on her dais, was singing. It was a beautiful, full choir experience.

     I spotted Sebastian singing with a beautiful, reverberating tenor and gave him a smile and a nod, which he reciprocated. Dressed in the robes of the other brothers and sisters he appeared both happy and uncomfortable, as though being a brother was what he really wanted, but not what he was meant to have. It saddened me a little to think like that, turning back to the rest of the chamber so that he might not see it in my eyes.

     In time we stood before the Grand Cleric and she smiled beneficently at us, bestowing blessings for our marriage and happiness before we moved on. She always seemed like such a sweet woman to me, that I sometimes wished I hadn't played certain parts of the game, such as when she walked so coldly away from Petrice's dead body- which of course, never happened here. It was hard to tell now if she was the calculating Chantry Cleric or the sweet Church leader any more. I wanted to believe in her kindness but I had seen just that little bit too much.

     We moved on from the Chantry and walked the streets of Hightown. Carefully erected bonfires burned, some real and some not, and skits portraying the immolation of Andraste were being performed. The ones by the children were my favourites, especially one group of seven and eight year olds where an argument broke out about the lines and I could hear the back and forth of 'yuh-huh' and 'uh-huh' that was a mainstay of innocent disagreement. I giggled at them and Garrett pulled me in close to his side.

     “Is that something you would want someday?” he asked.

     “What, arguing? We do that already,” I teased and he leaned in to kiss the top of my head.

     “No, you damned ninny. Kids. I know you've already had children once in your old life, but I wondered if you might want them here. With us someday.”

      I stopped dead in my tracks, causing Anders to actually step on my heel and put a hand to my back to steady himself. Did I ever want kids with these men? I mean, I know Anders probably couldn't but what about Hawke and Fenris? Did they ever think about children? Would they want them with me as their mother?

     “Selena? Sweetheart? Are you all right?” Anders asked, coming around to face me then turning to Garrett. “I think you broke her.”

     “No. No I'm all right. Just, I've never really thought about it is all. After my kids, I had a procedure done so that I wouldn't have any more. At one point we thought I was pregnant for a sixth time but it turned out to be something else that needed to be fixed so I had the procedure done at the same time. I had had my children and didn't want any more. But that was my old life, not this one. I've never really thought about it.” I stopped and looked each of them in the eye in turn. “Would...would you like to have kids one day?”

     “Only if it would be your wish, _carissimi_ ,” Fenris said softly, taking my hand. “I would be remiss to say that I would not be pleased, but I would never force you into something you did not wish.”

     “Yeah, I think we're all with the elf on this one,” Garrett said with a smile. “Mother on the other hand, might get a little pushy.”

     I laughed and turned to continue our progression but stopped dead after only a few steps. Speaking of the devil, there Leandra stood, half in half out of the doorway of a merchant's guild building, arms wrapped around the tall form of a man, his hands holding her hips tightly, lips together in something that could only be called hot.

     I snapped my head up to look at Hawke, only to see his pupils blown wide in shock and fury.

    _Oh, FUCK!!_


	29. Chapter 29

    “MOTHER!”

     Leandra jumped back, dishevelled and flushed, mouth and eyes opened in wide ohs. The man, dressed in fine white linen with a white on white brocade vest, was tall and broad, with thick salt and pepper hair cut to brush at the back of his neck, and eyes so dark a blue as to almost be black. He was watching Garrett in concern, but his hand never left Leandra's and he moved just slightly to put himself in the line of fire if things went badly.

     Hands reached out from behind me and pulled me just a little back, away from the obviously furious Garrett. From the corner of my eye I could see that Anders had pulled his staff and Fenris glowed softly, and I wondered if they were preparing to fight the new man, or Garrett himself.

     Hawke, on the other hand, clenched his fists and stomped towards them. “What the fuck, Mother? Why didn't you tell me you were seeing somebody?”

     “Language, Garrett!” she admonished, trying vainly to straighten herself.

     “Fuck my language! You lied to us about being ill so you could go out with some guy! Why?”

     “Because I knew you would react just like this!” she yelled back at her son. “Because I knew you'd be angry that I was seeing someone that wasn't your father!”

     “Bullshit!” Now the two were toe to toe, in each other's faces, cheeks red and eyes shining in anger.

     The man in question skirted around Garrett and came towards us. He reached out a hand towards me. “Hello, Champion. Sorry to be meeting under these circumstances. I'm Willem Guttenhart.” I smiled and took his hand, shaking it quickly. “No 'Champion' stuff, just Selena. Nice to meet you...sort of. These fine gentlemen with us are Fenris and Anders. If you have any intention of sticking around, you'll be seeing a lot of them and will treat them like the family they are.” Anders bumped me with his shoulder and Fenris gave my hand a soft squeeze.

     “Of course,” Willem smiled, and a very nice smile at that. “Leandra explained your particular...living arrangement to me some time ago. In fact, I've been trying to convince her to marry me and move into my home so that the four of you would have more privacy, not to mention the fact that I love her, but she still refuses me.”

     “Damn it, Mother, I would not!”

     “Yes you would, you're doing it now!”

     “I am not!”

     I laughed, causing the two of them to look over at us. “Garrett be happy for your mother. She found somebody that wants to take care of her and love her. Leandra, you have got to stop keeping secrets from your son. And-” I cast a roving eye over the older man “- good choice by the way. Quite the looker.”

     Anders covered his mouth to keep in the laugh and Hawke growled in annoyance, stalking over towards us. He eyed Willem up and down as though sizing up a side of beef. “How long have you been courting my mother?”

     The older man stood straighter under Hawke's gaze. “Almost a year. It has been my sincerest pleasure to escort her to any functions in which you yourself were unable to attend. I have visited her in her home just as she has visited me in mine. I am a widower of seven years, a man of means without heirs. I would be best pleased to offer Leandra a place in both my home and my heart, with your blessing.”

     I reached out, taking both Anders' and Fenris' hands, smiling first at Garrett then Leandra. She was shaking her head with an exasperated smile, as though she had heard it all before, but Hawke, on the other hand, had crossed an arm about his chest, resting his other elbow in the palm and was scratching at the beard in contemplation.

     “Why do you think she's said no so far?” he asked.

     Willem looked to Leandra and smiled. “Truthfully, I think she's scared.”

     “Willem!” the woman gasped.

     “It's true, Dearheart. You were an apostate’s wife, running for years, unsafe and unstable. I believe, deep down, that you're afraid that married life will be like that for you again.” The older man went to Leandra and took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips. “But it will not be that way this time. I am well established, a noble of the Anderfels with holdings there, as well as Kirkwall and Denerim. We can live wherever you wish and never leave again if you so desire. I will care for you in the manner to which you deserve and thank the Maker every day that I am able to.”

     I grinned as my mother-in-law melted into the man's arms, unmindful of the fact that they had an audience. I looked up to Garrett to see him slowly smile and nod to the pair. “If Mother will have you then I will give it my blessing. But you are to no longer hide your relationship from me and if I learn that you have treated my mother ill I will track you down and run you through. Is that understood?”

     Anders moved away from me to wrap his arms round Garrett from behind and give him a quick hug, Fenris taking the opportunity to pull me in closer and rest my head on his shoulder. “Good for you, love,” the mage whispered in his ear and Hawke shrugged.

     “What am I going to do? Say no, she can't date?”

     Leandra came up to hug her son from the front, her hands moving to encompass Anders as well. “I'm sorry I kept it from you, Garrett. I never should have done that and I promise not to do it ever again.”

     “All right, Mother. But if you keep me up all night screaming I will be very cross.”

     We all laughed at the very notion.

                                            ***************

 

     We were preparing to begin the trek to Lowtown and the Hanged Man when Zevran approached. He, too, was dressed in Funalis finery, White leather thigh high boots, breeches and vest over a white silk shirt cut to show off his best features while concealing the shear number of knives that he hid about his person. He was sex walking towards us and I felt the boys stiffen around me.

     “ _Querida_! I have been searching everywhere for you!” he called, waving to me with a smile.

     “Is everybody hiding boyfriends from me today, or does it just feel that way?” Garrett muttered to himself, eyes hard.

     “No, Garrett. A friend I officially met while you were...away. Guys, this is Zevran Arainai. Zev, this is my husband, Garrett, and my loves, Anders and Fenris.”

     “Ah, _querida,_ I understand now why you would refuse my own advances,” Zev chuckled, eyeing the boys. “You must be exhausted on a nightly basis, no?”

     “She is not your _querida_ ,” Fenris growled, pulling me in closer to his side.

     I pushed myself away from him. “He is a friend, Fenris, and I hired him to look into some things for me.” I turned to the other elf. “What have you learned?”

     “She has taken possession of the item in question and I cannot find a feasible means to retrieve it from her, I'm afraid.”

     “Dammit,” I muttered, crossing my arms around my stomach. Anders rested his hand on my arm, eyes concerned. Garrett and Fenris both just looked pissed. “I was really hoping to be able to get it away from her and maybe stop what she's going to end up doing.”

     “What, Selena?” Anders asked, lifting my chin to look him in the eye. “What is that crazy zealot planning?”

     The incongruity of that question coming from Anders made me laughed, though it was tinged with just a hint of sadness. “Something that would have been set off by Justice...you, if I hadn't changed things.”

     He pulled back, shocked. “What would I have done? What-?”

     “It doesn't matter now, Anders,” Fenris, of all people, soothed, reaching out to take the mage's hand. “You are no longer that man. And Meredith Stannard is insane. If she is planning something, she must be stopped.”

     Anders turned to Fenris in surprise. “Th...thank you, Fenris.”

     “There was something else, _querida._ ” Garrett growled low in his throat but I ignored him and motioned for the elf to continue. “A woman, a mage by the name of Grace, she plans something. Something involving many of the ingredients of the Qunari _gaatlok_. She moves into the Chantry, tonight, while it is closed in observance of the Dark Age that followed the death of Andraste.”

     “Grace?” I gasped. _Fuck no! I was not about to let the all those innocent people get killed even after freeing Anders from Justice. No fucking way!_

     “Wait, wasn't Grace one of the Starkhaven mages?” Garrett asked Anders. “Didn't we free them from the Templars?”

     Anders nodded with a frown. “We did, but most of them were caught within a few weeks. Grace had been working with the Underground from the inside, but she'd been getting erratic lately and we stopped going to her for help.”

     “Apparently your... _friend_ plans to do something without you,” Fenris growled angrily and Anders glared at him.

     “She was never my friend. But she was a mage in need of help, and willing to help in return. And the Underground needed all the aid it could find,” the mage sighed in frustration. I reached out to softly touch his arm and he smiled sadly towards me. “If Selena hadn't separated me from Justice, I don't know that I would be any better than Grace.”

      “All right, Zevran,” Garrett said to the elf, “did you happen to learn what time Grace planned to do whatever it is she plans.”

     “Not exact, but she would need to be certain that the building is completely cleared and few possible witnesses on the streets, no?”

      Hawke tapped his lips in thought. “The Chantry will begin closing procedures by sixth bell, and Chantry Square will be shut down by ninth, so she probably won't make a move before tenth bell. Let's find Sebastian and apprise him of the situation, maybe he can help get us in, then go help Corff with food distribution until seventh bell. Then we can go back to the estate to armour up and get to work.”

     I smiled and nodded, the others as well. _Wow. Willingly seeking out Sebastian for help. Maybe my sweet husband was finally growing up._ When I moved to give him a brief hug, however, a hand snaked out to pinch at my bottom, and he gave me an unrepentant grin when Zev laughed. _Or not._


	30. Chapter 30

     Sebastian let us in at eighth bell, dressed in a set of dark leathers and looking decidedly guilty. I didn't know how he had escaped the Grand Cleric on this night of catering to the poor, but I'm sure it involved at least a sin or two. 

     The rest of us had also changed from our finery, unwilling to stand out from the darkness of the evening. Even Zevran had joined us, sporting pliable dragonhide leathers in dark charcoals and covering his distinctive golden hair in a small, dark helmet. Not that it mattered since Fenris refused to cover his own white locks for fear of cutting off some of his peripheral vision. Anders had switched to a long black coat- no feathers!- and breeches, with his darker, more comfortable staff while Garrett had completely forgone his usual silverite splint mail for some darkened ring mail that made him look a little like he did in his early mercenary days. He even dropped his shield in favour of a dagger, saying that it would be easier to perform double stabs as opposed to swing and blocks in the confines of the Chantry building. I wasn't sure if I believed him or if he really just wanted to feel the extra blood running down his fingers tonight. 

     I was wearing my Name Day leathers, black with a smattering of studs to look like stars. Their placement was erratic, but close enough together to still provide adequate protection. And, of course, my beautiful Dalish bow was going to be next to useless if we ended up staying inside the church, though I still felt the need to bring it. Not sure why, but it felt right along my spine. 

     I had never seen the Chantry so dark, so empty. Every candle had been snuffed, every lantern. Even at the height of summer, with sweat trickling down our backs, it felt...cold, chilled in the massive structure. I looked up at the giant statue that was supposed to be Andraste, covered in enough gold leaf to feed a Lowtown family for the foreseeable future and shuddered. I could feel her scowling at me, disapproving my entry into her sanctuary. 

     Fenris rested a hand on the small of my back. “ _Carissimi_? Are you well?” 

     I turned to give him a reassuring smile. “It's okay, Fenris. Just not used to this place being so...empty.”

     “I know what you mean,” Anders added, coming up on my other side. “Even at the Tower, the Chantry space always had an acolyte there, someone to hear confessions then berate you for how sinful you were.” 

     Sebastian grunted, scowling at the mage which, of course, made Anders grin. Garrett sighed with a shake of the head and moved around us to the front, leading the way with the Chantry brother. Zevran chuckled and followed at the rear, covering our backs. According to Zevran's informant, Grace had something planned for the cellar levels so we were off to find ourselves some comfy cubbies to wait it out. 

     We split into two pairs, one on each cellar level, while Zev and Sebastian did reconnaissance around the perimeters of the building. Anders and Garrett had taken the lower level, in case Grace and her ilk had found an entrance through the sewers while Fenris and I were in a small hidden alcove behind a large grouping of crates filled with candles. And now, four hours into our wait, I found myself drifting off to sleep, pressed up against the elf's side, breathing deeply of the warm skin, leather and lyrium scent that set off all my buttons.

     Fenris snuggled closer, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me in. I could feel him, member hardening against my hip. It was hot and thick, causing a damp spot in my smalls even as I sighed and pushed in deeper to him. It was funny, really. I thought about all the times that I had thought that my ex was the love of my life, the perfect man for me, that there would never be another. But what I had felt for James was nothing compared to the soaring of my heart when I was with Fenris. Even my love for Anders and Garrett was stronger,and I had to wonder if I had ever really been in love with him, or if I had just made myself believe. 

     “ _Carissimi_ , awaken. It's time,” he hissed faintly into my ear. I stiffened, listening. There, just on the edge of hearing, a woman's voice hissing instruction, a male answering. I pulled away reluctantly, then moved out and into the shadows of the cellar, using the skills that Isabela taught me to stay hidden. 

     They were at the opposite end of the cellar, three men and Grace, all mages by the robes, huddled around something on the ground, backs to me. She was admonishing them to be careful, to not disturb the vials over the dishes.

     “Oh, I don't know, I think I'd like to see what happens if they do.”

     The woman whipped around to face me, lips pulled back in a snarl, eyes wide and fever bright. The look of someone that was a Serpent shy of Wicked Grace. “Champion!” she cried. “You can't stop us! What we do here is necessary for change!”

     “No, Grace. It isn't.” I could feel Fenris slipping up behind me even as her compatriots stood and tried to surround me. I rested my hands lightly upon the Speed and Agility, strapped to my hips. “All your doing is turning opinion against the mages by killing innocents that have nothing to do with your conflict.” 

     “Exactly!” Grace cackled- really cackled, just like a damned witch in a cartoon-. Waving her hands in the air. “All these people that do absolutely nothing, not even take sides. It needs to end. We're persecuted for being born! For being as the Maker made us!”

     “I understand, Grace, really I do. And if the destruction of the Chantry only destroyed the building I'd help you place the explosives. But it won't,” I pleaded. “It'll kill people like the cooks and the maids and the children taking class in the rectory. Falling debris outside will kill the merchant's in the Square and the servants out making purchases. When the fire that starts here in the basement makes it's way out through the sewers, it'll wipe out all of Darktown, including a lot of apostates that you have helped flee the Circle.” 

     “There will always be collateral damage, Champion,” she said with a smile and I knew that my words were wasted. Grace was a fanatic, a zealot determined to see her plan through, no matter the consequences. I turned to address her partners but never bothered to speak. I could see by their eyes that they were enthralled to her. Grace had already turned to blood magic.

     I felt Fenris charge forward even as I pulled my blades, a slew of arrows following. Sebastian had joined the fray, meaning Zevran was nearby as well, hidden in the shadows just as I had been, finding the perfect spot to slit some throats. Hopefully, the noises we made would bring Garrett and Anders along soon. 

     “How could you be against us, Champion?” Grace screamed as she visibly pulled in power for a spell. “One of your lovers is an apostate himself!” 

     “Yes, he is,” I answered, trying to move in close enough for a killing blow. I couldn't just wound her, the power of her blood too strong. Their deaths had to be quick and sure. “He's also a healer, Grace. Death on this scale is anathema to him.” 

     “Then he is a pathetic fool.” Suddenly, not simply wounding Grace became moot as she took up the bladed end of her staff and plunged it into her gut, her magic gathering up the copious amounts of blood spilled and twisting it to her own devices. It was sudden and excruciatingly painful, hot as though all the blood in my veins were suddenly being boiled from the inside out. I screamed, I know I did, but I could hear nothing but the frantic pounding of my heart in my chest, trying to burst it's way clear of my ribcage. There was a horrendous roaring sound that I knew came from outside of me but I could place it nor seem to care. Quickly, thankfully, the world suddenly went dark. 

                                                    ************

  


  _I stood at the base of a hill, thick with green grasses and moss, dotted with young trees alive with springtime leaves. I knew that was wrong as it was now mid-summer, but it was beautiful and peaceful and calm._

_To my right stood the cloaked figure of my visions, looking out over the world before us. I could feel his pleasure, though I could not see his face. If he even really had one, and not every face that ever was or ever would be. I knew who he was now. I think I had always known._

_To my left stood the ethereal form of Justice, a spirit of light, garbed in the armour of war, though in this case he had removed his helm. He wore the visage of Anders, since he had none of his own. It was odd, disconcerting, and yet I smiled at him._

_*Greeting, Earth Child * he rumbled with a grin, waving his arm out to the scenery. *Look upon the beauty that you have wrought *_

_*Thank you for the vote of confidence, Justice, but this wasn't me *_

_*Ah, but it was * the cloaked figure said. *The changes you wrought upon reality are reflected upon the Fade. And what you have done has been remarkable. My city returns to its original splendour, my children return to me, whole and sane once more. There is one more thing that you must accomplish for Thedas to become what it once was, as I had intended it. Otherwise, all will be for nought. *_

     “Selena! Anders, she's down! Grace got to her before we could!” 

     “Shit! She's bleeding out here guys! I need potions, healing and lyrium, now! And as many bandages as you can get me.” 

      _*So you're telling me that everything I've done so far was, what, for shits and giggles? *_

_*No, Earth Child. If even one task that has been set before you is not accomplished, all will be lost. Everything must come about, or nothing will. *_

_*No pressure * I mumbled to myself, making Justice laugh._

     “She's going to be seriously angry when she awakens.” 

     “She usually is, Fenris.”

     “What a wonderful experience to work with this woman. I should fight at her side more often, no?” 

     “Well, fuck.”


	31. Chapter 31

    _Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Why do I hurt so much? Why am I in a strange bed? AGAIN!_ I tried to open my eyes but it was as though they were gummed shut, tried moving my arms but something was holding them down. And, of course, that's when I started to panic.

     A voice, soft and masculine, whispered for me to hush and I felt the cool peppermint tingle of healing magic washing over me. Anders, I told my brain. _You're all right. It's just Anders and he's taking care of you. Feel his fingers on your skin, over your cheeks, your arms. And if he's here, so are Garrett and Fenris. You're all right, you're not alone._

     Once the panic receded I slept once again, this time waking to sunshine drifting in a window and the smell of sword oil and metal, the heat of Garrett's body pressed up against me. I was even able to open my eyes and look around at the room I was in. It was small, almost a monastic cell, though I recognized Sebastian's white and gold armour on a nearby stand. Garrett was pressed so close to me because the bed was not much more than a single, really too small for even just his frame, let alone adding mine. There was a small desk next to the bed that doubled as an end table, littered with empty potion bottles and bloodied rags. Realizing that it was my blood made my stomach roll.

     When the door opened and Anders came in, Fenris following behind, I released a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. My boys were here and they were safe. That was all that mattered.

     They approached the bed with smiles, the elf taking my hand and pulling it up to his lips. Anders smiled. “Well, hello there, Sweetheart. How are you feeling?”

     “Like a Mac truck pulling a cattle trailer ran me down, then stopped to let the cows piss all over me.”

     “I will...assume that is bad then. Let's see what we can do about that all right?”

     I snorted but waited until his cool power had flowed over and through me before speaking again. “What happened? Did we stop her?”

     “Yes, _carissimi,_ ” Fenris said softly, squeezing my fingers. “The assassin cut her down as she was distracted in her attempt to kill you. We took care of her thralls and destroyed the powdered explosives she had been planting. A strange contraption, a small string and pulley system holding a vial of lyrium over bowls of _gaatlok_ powder. A candle flame beneath the string burns through, dropping the vial to break in the bowl and the entirety is set off in a monumental explosion. Grace was leaving nothing to chance.”

     “Hmmm,” I mused out loud. “I always wondered how it was done. Kinda clever.”

     “Selena, please stop wiggling,” Anders chided, placing a palm directly over my forehead. “You should be completely healed but there's something...off. I'm trying to figure it out.”

     “What do you mean 'off', Mage?” Fenris demanded, voice loud enough that it disturbed Garrett, who grumbled and began rubbing his eyes.

     “I don't know for certain. The last time I really healed her there was a power, almost like electricity, that I could feel, that green light that comes from her sometimes. It's still there but it's so much less, like it's draining away each time she is forced to use it, and it's being replaced by a...well almost like a life force. Quiet and calm, but there none the less.”

     “Well that's good, isn't it?” Garrett asked, sitting up to look me in the eye. “Every time you use that damned power it comes closer to doing you in. Maybe this new power will help keep you alive.”

      “The Maker told me that I would need it one more time,” I whispered to him, reaching out with my free hand to touch his cheek.

     “What do you mean, Sweetheart?” Anders asked with a touch of suspicion. “The Maker isn't real.”

     “I dreamed of him, Anders. He comes to me fairly often. He showed me the good that my changes to the story were doing. He showed me Justice and we talked. He is well and happy, no longer a force of Vengeance.”

     Anders gasped and pulled back. “No, I...Really? He's all right? I didn't...warp him?”

     “He misses you in his way, but yes, Anders, he is well. And happy back in the Fade at the Maker's side. I promise.”

     Tears began to fall across Anders' cheeks and Fenris released my hand to take the mage in his arms and hold him. Garrett and I reached out to touch our lover as well, feeding him warmth and support.

     After a few moments Anders sniffed back his tears and pulled back, straightening himself. “Thank you. All of you. I didn't realize how concerned I really was about him until you told me. It's a relief.”

     “Anytime, handsome,” I smiled and the others hummed in appreciation.

     “Well, as tempted as I am to show the lot of you just how handsome, we are currently in Sebastian's bedroom and the bed is nowhere near big enough for sex. Not to mention that Selena is still recovering from some pretty drastic blood loss.”

     And, of course, because he mentioned it, I was suddenly overcome by a wave of dizziness that nearly had me sick on the floor.

     I could hear the men talking over me as they helped to settle back on the small bed. “Mage. She is beginning to turn green.”

     “Yeah, I got that, Fenris. Just help me lay her out and I'll do a delving.”

     “Don't you throw up on me, Selena. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get puke out of chest hair?” I snorted at Garrett as Anders placed cool healing hands at my temples, then hummed at the sweet feeling of relief. I must have drifted off to sleep once more as when I reopened my eyes, Garrett had been replaced by Fenris and Sebastian was sitting watch in the tiny chair he used at his desk. I felt a third presence nearby and finally spotted Zevran in a shadowed corner.

     “Well, _querida_ , I do hope that you enjoyed your nap,” the elf said with a smile. “Your lovers have been nothing but bundles of nerves for some time.”

     “Aye, lass. Hawke was quite insistent that at least one of the three of them be with you at all times. Elthina has been somewhat...amused by the entire thing.” Sebastian chuckled from his post.

     “Well, as long as I serve a purpose I suppose,” I grumbled, trying to sit up only to be pulled back down by Fenris' arm across my chest.

     “Back to sleep,” he mumbled into the pillow. “Sleepy.”

     “Well I'm not anymore, Fen. And I need to use the facilities or I'm going to pee myself in Sebastian's bed.”

     Grudgingly Fenris moved his arm. “Not Fen.”

     I leaned down to kiss his temple. “Got it. Not Fen. How about cute stuff? Puppy eyes? Sweety cakes?”

     “Fen is fine.”

     I laughed, causing the others to smile. I loved my elf, I really did.

     After a quick trip to the water closet and a slower struggle back into my armour- someone had found a cotton shift for me to wear while convalescing in Sebastian's bed- I was more than ready to return home. But of course, that just wasn't in the cards as Grand Cleric Elthina herself came to pay me a visit.

     I was sitting on the edge of the bed tugging on my boots, blessedly alone for a few short minutes when she walked in the door without knocking. “Good day, Champion. It is good to see you awake and mobile once more.”

     “Thank you, Grand Cleric,” I replied, stomping down to make sure the boot was well seated before standing to address her. “I am glad we could stop Grace's plan before it went too far.”

     “As am I. I can only imagine the loss of life from such an endeavour. Why someone would want to destroy the Chantry I just can't fathom.”

     “Really?” I asked before I could stop myself. “You really can't see it? You have a group of people who are reviled and feared simply for a quirk of their birth. People whose very existence hinges on the whims of religious figures and men with swords. Some of whom are even more dangerous and deranged than their charges. A group whose lives could be ripped from them by the Rite of Annulment or their souls stolen by Tranquillity. And when they cry out to be heard, they are told it is the will of the Maker and they are nothing in His eyes. The Chantry is at the centre of their plight and you can't understand why they might do something so damaging and grandiose?”

      Elthina's eyes grew cold, her lips thinning in a line. “And do you agree with these fanatics, Champion?”

     “I agree with their stance, but not with their methods. Too many are willing to put the lives of innocents in jeopardy to ever make their demands actually heard and taken seriously.”I turned my back on the cleric, quite the faux pas in my understanding. “What I don't agree with is the Chantry's inability to curtail people like Meredith Stannard, who make the lives of the mages in her care a living hell, then when they get too desperate and turn to forbidden magics to escape, they point and say 'see? I was right all along'. People like Ser Alrik that use their power to rip away the souls of mages for their own goals.”

     “I declined Ser Alrik's request for a 'Tranquil Solution'.”

     “And he went ahead with it anyway.”

     Elthina took a step towards me and I could feel the anger rolling off of her. “I did not know this.”

     I whipped around, face to face with the elder woman. “You didn't care to know,” I hissed. “There was nothing set in place to stop him. Mages would disappear, or end up in the Gallows Market hawking your wares, and you could disavow all knowledge of the depravities taking place.”

     “That will be enough, Champion,” she nearly growled.

     I bent in close, my nose nearly touching hers, staring into her chilled grey eyes. “No, Elthina. It will never be enough.”


	32. Chapter 32

     The last few days before the end of the world were blissfully quiet. Days spent lounging in the garden, basking in the heat and sun, nights making love to one or two or three of the men in my life. Wicked Grace at the Hanged Man or Diamond Back in the Barracks, losing all my hard earned pilfered coins from the purses of nobles in the Markets. 

     Knowing that things would soon be coming to a head, I had Zevran watching Meredith, looking for any opportunity to pilfer that damned sword, though I had to explain to him the dangers of touching the red stone. In fact, I told him everything. My arrival, my birthplace, my former life. To my amazement, he believed it all immediately, not once scoffing at the utter ridiculousness of my tale. He claimed to have a sixth sense for lies and that, odd as it seemed, I told none, so why shouldn't he believe? I thanked him for the vote of confidence and hugged him tight, earning a quick fondle from him and many growls from the boys. 

     When the letter came, begging the assistance of the Champion and Serrah Hawke immediately in the Gallows, I had to swallow my tears and gear up for the worst. Though the Chantry would not be destroyed now, the lives of many mages and Templars still stood in the balance and I feared being unable to save them. 

     I insisted on collecting all of our friends, even Merrill who happened to be visiting Isabela at the Hanged Man, and Zevran who also had a room there. We were a compliment of ten filling up the ferry to the Gallows, and I had to wonder just how many of us would be making it back. 

     The Courtyard was already a mass of people when we got there, Templar facing off against mage, Meredith and Orsino hissing a spitting at each other like a couple of nasty cats. I was so unprepared for when she swung her sword and cut Orsino down. He had done nothing! Nothing but voice his opinion against her and for that she took his life, just as she planned to take the lives of every mage standing before her. 

     Cullen tried, we all did, to talk her into turning back from the course she had set, but she would have none of it. The sword would have none of it. I could feel the malevolence, the evil that emanated from it like a beating heart. It warped her, turned her into a monster that screamed of her own righteousness.

     It was a massacre on both sides as she cut down mage and Templar alike. We tried, we really did, our group wearing her down while Anders healed who he could, but I knew it was really going to be a matter of time, wearing her down until she over extended herself, and so had everyone that could lob every offensive attack they had at her. 

     I didn't think, just reacted when I saw the giant red sword coming down to cleave Fenris in two. I dove forward, pushing the elf out of the way, only to feel the sharp flash of white hot pain tearing into my chest. I don't remember falling, only the look of shock and then dismay that spread over Meredith's face. I fell back, trying so hard to breathe, feeling blood seep up my throat and into my mouth. _Oh, that is so not good._

     Meredith tried to reclaim the sword from my body, but it seemed to be stuck fast, and now that horrid green light that had changed everything I touched was creeping it's inexorable way up the blade. She began pulling more fiercely, like a woman possessed and when the light reached out to caress her hands she screamed as though in terrible pain.

     My friends, my loves, were calling my name, but I couldn't seem to bring myself to care. Everything was beginning to grey, to sound as though it were coming to me through a tunnel. When Meredith exploded into a mass of red and green flashes of light and stone, someone threw themselves across me, cushioning the blast. 

     I fought to focus. I could feel the last of me draining away and I wanted- needed to see them all one last time. They were trying to save me, though I could feel none of it. Fenris had pulled the blade from my chest and now Garrett was trying to staunch the bleeding while Anders used his magic. I tried to tell them it was futile, but I was shushed, told to save my strength. _Silly Anders, there's no strength left to save._

     I turned my head to Garrett, then raised my eyes to Anders. “Stop,” I gasped, spitting blood from my mouth. “Just stop. It's time. We always knew my time here was finite and now it's over.” 

     Anders was weeping silently while Garrett stared in shock. “No. Please no. It can't be time. We still need you.”

     “No, Hawke. You never needed me. You have Anders and Anders has you. Live for each other and be happy.”

     “And what of me, _carissimi?_ ” Fenris asked, moving into my field of vision and taking my hand, placing it to his lips. His eyes were filled to bursting with tears. “Who do I have to live for but you?”

     “I'm sorry, Fenris,” I choked out around the fluid in my lungs. “I didn't mean to break my promise. I really didn't, but I couldn't let her kill you. Not when I could do something to save you.”

     He forced a chuckle, tears now streaming down his cheeks. “Stupid woman. What kind of life will I have without you in it?”

     Everything was grey now, save for two beautiful green orbs looking down at me, and all I could hear was the stuttering, slowing of my own heartbeat, but I think he heard my last whisper. 

     “A full one.” 

                                                   ***************

  


  _*You have done it, Earth Child. You have saved my people, my children. You have sealed the fractures and cleaned the taint in all things. *_

_I looked around me, at the lush grass beneath my bare feet, at the bluest of blue skies, Golden city shining in the distance. It was beautiful and perfect. And empty._

_*Maker, what will happen now? *_

_The figure standing beside me reached out to take my hand and I could feel his fingers shift beneath mine from young child's to old man's and back again. *What do you wish to have happen? *_

_*I want them to be happy. To live full and fruitful lives. *_

_He turned to face me and for the briefest of instants I saw eyes that shifted from emerald green to bright sky blue to the warmest amber brown. *So mote it be *_


	33. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end.
> 
> On the other hand, I could probably do a part three if there people think it's call for. I leave it up to your hands, messaging me here or on Tumblr with your opinions. Thank you!

     Two months ago I came to myself in a hospital bed, attached to enough wires to power a car stereo, much to the pleasure of certain members of the nursing staff's betting pool. I had been found washed up on the shores of Lake Ontario a week before, my I.D. Nearby but no visible means for which I had come to be there.

     I pleaded amnesia, not wanting to try and explain Kirkwall and everything that had happened there. That night I cried, my heart breaking at the thought of going on without the people I had come to love like family, without Garrett or Anders. Without Fenris.

     A few days later I was released and took a cab to the address that was listed on my driver's license, a condo in the middle of downtown Toronto. I was shocked to say the least. It took some big bucks to afford a place like this, let me tell you. Ten stories up with a beautiful view of Lake Ontario, you couldn't ask for anything better. Except maybe...

     It took me sometime to figure out my new life, only being able to go by what my identification told me, pay stubs and emails as well as the news that the doctors at the hospital had imparted as I prepared to leave. It was hard, sometimes almost too much, but I slogged along never the less.

     I was apparently a late night radio DJ in this life, and did pretty well for myself and freelanced my talents for corporate functions and charities. It was fun in its way, though sometimes the love songs left me feeling a bit hollow. Of course, that could have been the other thing.

     Today I was volunteering my time at the Children's Hospital, playing the music for a Thanksgiving party for all the kids and their families that couldn't be at home. I loved doing things like this, especially now. Just for now, just for the day, they became my family in lieu of the one I had to leave behind.

     I smiled at a little boy that ran up to present me with a plate heaped high with turkey and fixings. He was bald as a cue ball, just finishing up chemo and radiation therapy to fight recurring leukaemia, but his smile could light up a room and he laughed all the time, mostly in the face of death.

     After eating my fill I reached down and rubbed at my belly, not yet rounded though soon, and wondered just what it was that my boys were doing now. Were they fighting bandits? Saving damsels in distress? Were they safe and thinking about me too?

     “Ms. Hawke?” a voice asked and I looked up to find the head of hospital administration peering down at me in my chair quizzically.

     “Sorry about that,” I chuckled softly. “Just lost in thought there for a moment.”

     “Quite all right,” the tiny mouse of a man replied, pushing bottle rim glasses back up his nose. “I'm sorry to disturb you, but there is a disturbance at the front entryway, and the men there claim to know you.”

      I scrunched my brows in thought. I didn't know many people other than those at work, although maybe this body's old life did. I was very careful around the people I worked with, for fear of saying or doing something out of character to them, though so far things had been going well. I stood and stretched, already feeling the changes happening in my body, and walked out to the hospital's foyer, surrounded by happy, chattering children. They spent so much time here that anyone new was a wonderful thing.

     The hospital's entryway was a massive edifice of chrome and glass, but with touches of child friendly colour and cartoon animals on the walls, a mix of happy child and serious adult that doesn't seem like it should work but did none the less. The space was filled with people, and many of them seemed to be security, surrounding three men with their backs to me. It took me a moment before I realized exactly who they were.

     I froze, only moved along by the sheer momentum of small children pushing at my legs. It couldn't be, could it? But why the hell not? I mean, I was here. I had been transported twice for fuck's sake, why couldn't they?

     They turned as one, attention drawn by the excited squeals of wandering children and we stared at each other in disbelief and awe. Physically they looked the same, just as I did in this life, even down to Fenris' elvehn ears and gleaming tattoos, but were dressed as men of my world in jeans and tee shirts and simple running shoes- well, actually sandals in Fenris' case. Even now he would apparently do just about anything to keep his toes uncovered.

     And then I was wrapped tightly in a multitude of arms, the cool sweetness of peppermint and the hot stink of oil and metal, laughing and kissing and crying all at once. It became a raucous mess of overlapping voices, especially when the kids surrounding us joined in. After several minutes I managed to pull away and look up to see Fenris still standing separate from us, tears flowing down his cheeks, hands clenched and eyes wide.

     I pulled away from the boys and walked to him slowly. Thankfully the security guards that had been detaining them had moved away, someone there to vouch for them now. I came to within a step from him and looked him in the eye, seeing the fear and hope warring with each other. Finally, with a body shuddering sob, he threw himself around me, holding tight enough that I actually had a bit of trouble breathing. Not that it mattered.

      _“Carissimi_ ,” he breathed softly and my sobs hitched at the beautiful sound of his voice. “I feared we would never find you.”

     I held fast for another moment before straightening my spine and moving away. “And I want to hear all about what happened but right now I need to finish off this job and then we'll go to my place and we'll talk.”

     “I'm hoping we'll do more than talk,” Garrett joked and I laughed.

     “Maybe, if you're good.”

     “Well we're all doomed now,” Anders chimed in, making everyone smile.

**Author's Note:**

> I also have a Tumblr blog where I post chapters and sometimes inspiration pics and drawings.
> 
> http://selenehawke.tumblr.com/


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